Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi—the Review

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When innocents die on a railway platform lives snuffed out senselessly,  the string-pullers behind this massacre arrested and released four days later and when general injustice and inequities abound all around, some people, who still have some hope and believe in imaginary friends, look heavenwards and ask “God , what are you doing?”

According to the Chopras, God (or Rab or Great Flying Spaghetti Monster or Bhagwan or whatever you want to call that person who sits up above) is busy with other things of greater importance.

He is making “jodis”. And that too “halle halle”. [The song “Halle Halle” in Rab Na Bana Di Jodi , for some unfathomable reason, brings to my demented mind memories of the Mammoth Koirala starrer “Market” wherein a lady of commerce tells her client “Zyara hallu hallu kar”.]

Coming back to God, his primary job description is to bring people who are meant to be together through what seems to you and me to be happenstance. However what you think is co-incidence or horribly cliched plotting or an example of the “Deus Ex Machina” construct is actually a part of the greater cosmic plan of matching hearts, hearts that are pre-ordained by God to beat as one.

Ek dujhe ke waaste.

As the great prophet of the true God, Yashji said once through one of his characters:

Bhagwan ne saare dil ke rishte pahele se hi jor diye hain. Bus unka milna hum par chor diye hain. Usne hum sabko joriyon main banaaye hain aur har ek liye ek jeevan saathi hain

(Except of course Elizabeth Taylor, Kishore Kumar and all Arab sheikh who are matched with more than one. Other exceptions are male engineering students, many of whom are matched with their own hands.)

In the midst of this gigantic endeavor of match every person in the world with one other, if a few genocides, massacres and invasions slip through the crack can you really blame God?

After all, he too is human.

Make no mistake. This job is not easy. When two pre-destined couples meet, God has to mimic Lata Mangeskar’s voice and go “La La La La La La” in order to give them the “sign”. Sometimes he needs to make stars fall out of the sky so that lovers may make wishes. He has to make it rain whenever the heroine gets out on the roof in whites and pines for her “made-in-heaven-match” whose face she has not seen yet but whom she can feel in her dreams. And its a thankless job because no matter what he does, people not understanding the great plans that God has for them look at the heavens and screech, in possibly one of the most overwrought sequences of Hindi cinema, “Tum bure ho”.

For the last fifteen years, the prophetic firm of the Chopras and also the Johars have been informing us of Rab’s work through different movies which all convey the same message, so much the same that some faithless fools call them monotonous, formulaic and inane.  Forget them. They are jealous of the fact that like all prophets, the Chopras have been well-rewarded for their work of being God’s voice on earth.

“Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi” (God has made the couple) is the latest chapter in the Chopra gospel which one again regurgitates God’s message in a heavenly way. A  beautiful lady Taani (Anushka Sharma) loses her fiance to an accident and has to get married to a simple Simon with a moustache, Surinder Sahni (Shahrukh Khan). Surinder is a normal, colorless small-town middle-class man who declares “maine kabhi ladies se pyar naheen kiya” (leaving the opportunity open for prior encounters of the Dostana kind) who falls totally in love with his wife. In a plot device totally original (as original it was in “Woh Saat Din”, “Mauna Ragaam”, “Hum Dil De Chuke Sanaam” ) she however, buried under her past, declares that she will never be able to love Surinder, who is naturally heart-broken.

As a Chopra devotee, I have to confess I was initially surprised by the Surinder character. After all this was Shahrukh Khan, who if Chopras are the prophets, is Rab’s own son [The Trinity is completed by Hangal who is the Holy Ghost]. SRK was underplaying his role, and most importantly acting like a human being for the first thirty minutes. Most un son-of-Godlike. But then Chopra quickly rectifies the situation. In a plot development that restored balance to the force, Surinder decides to join the dancing school where his wife does “mass Physical Training”. Not as Surinder however but as a de-moustached, spiked-hair, cross between yellow parakeet-and-human-being Raj with the assumption that she might fall in love with this more boisterous alter-ego.

Relief ! Shahrukh Khan is now once again free to play Shahrukh Khan which means he can once more slant his head, exercise his dimples, pout and lisp, do that “sideways” smile, overact and in general bring out the bag of tricks Rab gave him when he sent him to earth. Tani is torn between her silent husband who fights Sumo wrestlers to win a trip to Japan and  the flirtatous, loudly dressed Raj who plunges half the city in darkness to write “I love you” with the city lights. Impressed by that Jyoti Basu-like feat of selective load-shedding however, Taani starts moving towards the parakeet because as Chopra tells us there is nothing a girl wants more than someone who loves her like a Deewana (which, not coincidentally, is the name of a Shahrukh Khan flick). Will she leave with Raj or will she stay with Surinder? I think all of you know the answer to that one but if you don’t, I wont give it away. God doesn’t want me to.

Needless to say, Rab forms a vital part of the story, pulling strings, creating “coincidences” and “karishma”. For instance, God never lets Taani realize that this man she is hugging and dancing close with is her husband, minus the moustache and plus a hairdo. And when Taani is in the throes of despair and asks Rab for guidance, she opens her eyes and there right in front of her is the man she should be with—-as if Rab is saying “Here here young girl, chance pe chance maar le, go home and give this poor man some”.

In short, “Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi” is a faith-affirming exercise that should make you believe that God is watching over your love-life always, if not actually over you. And that you should remember, even when your head gets blown off by a bomb, that this is all part of God’s plan—if at the time of dying, you haven’t fallen in love that means you were one of the persons whom even God could not match. And if at the time of death you already were in love with someone, that means that your love is actually matched with someone else.

Comforting realizations both of them.

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105 thoughts on “Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi—the Review

  1. GB at his best 🙂
    Honestly I was waiting for this review and am mighty pleased on reading it.After being tortured with this dumb movie for the 2 hr 45 minutes,I can take pleasure in reading such an awesome review.Surinder Sahni character was a bit more tolerable than his alter ego.
    When will “Rab” put some sense into the brains of these prophetic movie makers?

    Just a minor nit pick ,the Tani character was played by Anushka Sharma and not Shruti Sharma

  2. Very well written. Amusing and crisp.

    However,

    As a Chopra devotee, I have to confess I was initially surprised by the Surinder character.

    Perhaps it means that you follow his films and are not a fan. If you are, then this review becomes a bit redundant.

  3. GB,

    Never thought I’d be doing this, but…

    “Here here young girl, chance pe chance maar le, go home and give this poor man some”

    It actually is dance pe chance…

    Now will you please excuse me, while I go put a paper bag on my face.

  4. Other exceptions are male engineering students, many of whom are matched with their own hands.

    😀

    Couples have their Valentine’s Day, while male engineering students have, well, Palm Sunday.

  5. You know what, I was pleasantly surprised for the first 30 mins, hoping against hope that it would continue on the same vain. But alas, Master Puppetier Aditya Chopra had other super plans.

    The end credits were cute & funny though.

  6. @Turrtle: Though it takes much of the charm explaining the “point”—If God exists, then it is supremely ironic that while he is fine with the worst kind of injustices (in that he does not intervene), he should take such extreme care to create happy sequences of events such that matches-made-in-heaven may be consummated on earth.

    @Sanjana: The “chance pe chance” in this case was intentional…there was some innuendo involved

  7. Arnab,

    Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, is a burnished remake of Woh Saat Din, which in turn is a remake of the Tamizh classic by Bhagyaraj – Andha Ezhu NaatkaL – which translates exactly to Woh Saat Din. There is a long history of movies like that going back to Bandini, and several others (that I remember) in Tamizh and Telugu. Mouna Ragam is inspired by Mahendran’s Nenjathai KiLLade Suhasini Ratnam’s (nee Hasan) debut film in which she thanks to a boneheaded vote from Shantaram lost the best actress prize to Smita Patil. Bhagyaraj also helmed another classic – Indru Poi Nalai Vaa – lifted shamelessly frame by frame by a famous movie maker from Bombay – Sai Paranjpe – and released without any acknowledgment as Chashme Buddoor.

  8. AK Hangal @ Holy Ghost !! I always read that line again in which you mention him 🙂
    (on a side note, I didn’t know that he was a Padmabhushan award winner, saw that today on wiki)

    Again, the “best” review I have read of this movie yet.

    Though I may end up liking the movie being an unabashed Shahrukh Khan fan.
    Oh yes, I do like his “sideways” smile and that slant head!!

  9. RNBDJ was PATHATIC!!! Though like SRK as Suri…

    BTW how come no post on India’s Chennai test win??? Arnabda, sachin finally delivers when it mattered!

  10. All these things have been pretty mediocre:
    1) The movie made by Aditya Chopra
    2) Jodi made by Rab and
    3) The review written by you.

    But I also liked 3 things:
    1) In the movie: SRK’s acting between his marriage and becoming Raj
    2) In the jodi: Anushka
    3) In your review: “Impressed by that Jyoti Basu-like feat of selective load-shedding…” ….awesome, priceless. 🙂 🙂 🙂

  11. did u see the chennai test? did you see sehwag’s presentation ceremony?
    ” I dont know good ball bad ball, if it is in my area i hit it “. Pretty much summed up his batting. Priceless.

  12. Horrible movie. AWESOME review. Sums up exactly how I feel about the Chopra genre but since I lack your trademark acerbic wit all I can say is ‘disgusting’. Oops. Should I be taken off the air? 🙂

  13. Great review GB. Well te curve is moving down for Yashraj. We might not be the smartest audience. But there is a certain limit to which you can test our intelligence.

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  15. Greatbong,
    Please write a review for “Gumnam..the suspense”..it belongs to horror suspense genre starring Dino Morea and Mahima Choudhury.The moment I saw the movie I felt the sole purpose the movie was made was to be reviewed by Greatbong

  16. Bong, one of the better reviews i have read in recent days!
    “…for some unfathomable reason, brings to my demented mind memories of the Mammoth Koirala starrer “Market” wherein a lady of commerce tells her client “Zyara hallu hallu kar”.”
    gem..priceless..made-my-day 😀
    Thanks for saving me from extended torture of “2hrs 45 mins” not that i wuda gone to see authentic SRK crap anyways.

  17. Commenting for the first time on your blog… Brilliant review… nearly fell of my chair laughing. Totally agree with you about the movie… i think Adi Chopra hasnt moved on from where he left film-making some 10 years ago with Mohabbatein. The construct is very ‘Dil toh pagal hai…’, ‘Kucch kucch hota hai…’ and would have been less out of place then.

  18. Commenting for the first time on your blog… Brilliant review… nearly fell off my chair laughing. Totally agree with you about the movie… i think Adi Chopra hasnt moved on from where he left film-making some 10 years ago with Mohabbatein. The construct is very ‘Dil toh pagal hai…’, ‘Kucch kucch hota hai…’ and would have been less out of place then.

  19. Great commentary GB…but a movie review, alas! no…this is nothing more than a thinly veiled diatribe against all things that may go against your tastes in cinema and calling it a “movie review” is but an insult to our intellect and your own…

    To sum it up – FUNNY : yes; INFORMED OPINION: maybe; BALANCED JUDGMENT: Are you kidding me?

  20. I don’t get the logic of the starting paragraph. When you equate something with what happened in Mumbai, it is always going to sound insignificant and that would have been the case even if the said production house had come up with Mughal-E-Azam.

  21. I avoided this one like I’d avoid Prague…in the winter that is…wasn’t in a mood ta hurl moi priceless mo-jodi at this mismatched inane jodi…

  22. @person above who suggested chashme baddoor was scene-by-scene ripoff of indru poi naalai vaa:
    chashme baddoor doesn’t have half the brilliance of indru poi.. . it’s distorted like crazy in the hindi version.

  23. “Other exceptions are male engineering students, many of whom are matched with their own hands”…hahahahahahaha:-O….i am an engineer and this line doesn’t offend me any way for some reason….

  24. List of Hollywood movies in which the love interest/girlfriend of the central character of the movie falls for the alter-ego (masked super-hero) of the central character never recognizing that the two characters are one and the same, when all that separates the two is a thin-mask covering the upper portion of the face.

    -All the Superman movies
    -All the Batman movies

    The dumb women in such movies also uniformly fail to realize that the voice of both the characters is similar. {on this basis, we can also include the spiderman movies)

    What piques me is that Indian critics and movie lovers never seem to mind such incongruities in Hollywood super-hero movies, but if a regular Bollywood flick with absolute no pretensions to realism uses the same formula, we find it stupid and reject the entire movie notwithstanding its other possible merits.

    PS: I haven’t seen the movie and have no idea if it has other merits.

  25. Pingback: Shahrukh Khan is now once again free to play Shahrukh Khan which means he can once more slant his head, exercise his dimples, pout and lisp, do that “sideways” smile, overact and in general bring out the bag of tricks Rab gave him when he sent him to

  26. “…in possibly one of the most overwrought sequences of Hindi cinema, “Tum bure ho”. Our own man-turned-woman Karisma Kapoor has often declared that that one scene was the crowning glory of her career. We should all fold our hands and unanimously thank Rab that she quit when she did.

    Haven’t seen the movie but after this and some other reviews, I must, I must!

  27. As once GB famously said “Litmus test for hotness. Watch them dance.”

    …So you all hand matched guys n gals(why not gals!) …run for a dance school!

  28. I’ve followed your post quite ardently, thanks to its informative content laced with an exemplary style of writing. I was hence wondering, if you had an exceptionally forgettable day before writing this review (or were you subjected to a diatribe from Arundhati Ray:-)), for while the title of the post claims to review a certain masterpiece of cliches masquerading as a film, the following text pulls up impossible connections with the Bombay terror attacks with an underlying innuendo that God might have personally blessed the operation. What was even more difficult to grapple and digest was the lack of content on the film’s subtle nuances or(regrettably) the lack of it (music – what was that; dancing – wasn’t Shiamak Davar paid for the choreography, even my grandmum-in-law could have done better; cinematography…e.t.c e.t.c). For once, I go back with a feeling that GB is after all human…

  29. “Bombay terror attacks with an underlying innuendo that God might have personally blessed the operation”

    Seriously?I said that? Where? I was going to point out, to you and a few others, that a “review” doesnt necessarily have a fixed definition of what should be in it and the difference between a deconstruction and a review (a difference that some people I feel do not know) but this line above just took my breath away as I realized that explanation is futile.

  30. Yeah I cannot believe how stupid that movie was. I lasted 45 minutes, despite the usual “drink before Bolywood Movie” precautions I had taken.

    …..and apparently this is a HIT IN INDIA ….. good Lord !…

    I thought a part of the plot was a rip off from Hrishikesh Mukherjee’s “Golmaal”.

    @HulG: Really has is been released on DVD ? Who played Feluda ?

  31. “Other exceptions are male engineering students, many of whom are matched with their own hands”

    Let me testify it – In case no one in the above posts have certified it.. ! 🙂

    Great review by the way.. 🙂

  32. I realy think thats shah rukh khan has more brains than any mainstream hindi film actor……He is intelligent,smart,humorous n not to forget sarcastic n i jus love him for that…..no one can match up to his standard.
    But i als think it’s high time dat he should realize that the public is very tired of his so called consistent melodramatic roles which in no way matches up to his intellectualism.

  33. arnab da, i m one of the biggest fan of SRK. but i also didn’t like this movie. but it more with the script you are bashing SRK for playing raj over the top but that is his job. rememeber h roshan in main prem ki deewani hoon. he was over the top in that film but that does not mean he is a bad actor. you are angry with arundhati roy i understand but i can’t understand why you think SRK can’t act. whenever he has give opportunity he had deliverdd (KHKN, Baazigar, DARR,DDLJ,Mohabbatain, Swadesh, CDI, and Suri in RNBDJ).OK he has some particular mannarism but who does not. Even Dilip Kumar, Sanjeev kumar Amitabh Bachchan has some specific expression whom the repeat in thier film(and that is how mimickrey artist mimick them) and second thing which i cant understand that why every critics tell Yashraj films how a film should be made. if everyone make same kind of film then where will be the variety. everyone is entiteld to make thier kind of cinema so is YRF and there are huge audience of these fimls. do you think everone make No Smoking type of film that no one understand. Anurag basu wrote 2 blog to tell people what he wanted to say through No Smoking.as i already said i too didn’t like RNBDJ but confess honestly it has some very sweet moment the rose scene in dining table, suri . Taani the middle class setting and ofcourse the end credit. it is beteer to critisie something but then if it has some good thing acknowladge them

  34. DJ,

    I have no doubt that SRK can act when the director allows him to as evidenced in Swadesh and to a limited extent in Chak De. I also understand that SRK should not be blamed for “over-acting” in Rab Ne as it is obvious that is precisely what the director wants him to do, no doubt because it is what many people come in to see. My complaint with SRK is that he has not been a struggling actor for many years now and he has the power to insist on “different” kinds of roles and movies and directors and producers will definitely oblige because he is the No 1.

    Yet due to laziness or perhaps due to the fact that he is prepared to take little risk with his image, SRK consistently refuses to step out of his sideways smile comfort zone. Contrast this to Aamir Khan who had his fill of “Love Love Love”, “Ishq” and “Mela” type of movies but now concentrates on doing things differently. They may not work all the time (Mangal Pandey) but at least an effort is made. An effort SRK rarely makes (exception: Swadesh) despite his stature.

  35. I’m not a big fan of the SRK/Chopra/Johar brand of cinema myself. But if people are really tired of all the tripe coming out of these stables, then why, pray, do these movies become huge super hits? Put yourself in SRK’s shoes for minute…sideway smile super hamming people watching the movie regardless loads of cash >>>> loads of cash swades or chak de made caustic review by great bong all the people who agree with great bong (including me).

  36. Remembering your farwell posts to Ganguly, I think there’s a parallel between rise of the three khans and the mighty three. Then came Laxman & Akshay Kumar. Sad part is that those in cricket would retire even when you don’t want them to, while here the unworthy would continue with successes. And yes, Rohan Gavaskar won’t be in the Indian team , while Abhishek Bachchan continues delivering 1 hit per 10 flops.

  37. Hey GB!

    Another classic from you, just like The Wall’s comeback(too early?) ton today morning. 🙂

    Since all these bloody happenings, my faith has dwindled & you gave it perfect words. F**k all those who didnt like that!! I mean what’s there to review in this crappy, banal, predictable movie anyway?! Someone said why do we neglect discrepancy in superhero movies; what i say is such disgusting logical inconsistencies could be forgiven once in movies made at such a grand scale!! And by the way, who ever believed in Caped Crusaders & Once-spider-Bitten-Forever-gravity-Shy figments of childish imagination?! The point is, such goofs so regularly make a part of Bollywood story that these moviemakes actually INSULT our already-questionable sanity. We dont see a dancing Lester Burnham or a parakeet Micheal Corleone!

    And yes! I agree with your views on difference in attitudes of SRK & A amir on experimentation! But even Aamir could churn out an atrocity like Ghajini. The movie isnt released yet, but tell me who would tolerate a dancing Guy Pearce/Carrie Anne Moss in Memento, one of the best psychological thrillers till date?! All Ghajini has is attraction to see Aamir beefed up & sporting six-pack abs!! So much for reason!!

    [btw something on our historic victory @ Chennai?]

  38. Hey GB,

    Your last few posts make me wonder if you need some… or maybe you’re one of the engineering students who are married to their own hands). You seem to be frustrated at everything, though at times not unjustified but, being so sarcastic (or rather sadistic)??? Another Raja Sen in the making?

    Or maybe, trying to make yourself sound witty and oh so funny, you loose the plot.

    Agreed there’s a lot of hate and despair in the world and Rab should be doing other things but then, try to excuse the practicalities and have a little fun sometimes which is the greatest gift of Rab. innit?

    Btw, if Rab ne… was so disgusting, how on earth could you enjoy Dostana?

  39. “Impressed by that Jyoti Basu-like feat of selective load-shedding”..ROFLMAO! Truly, those were the days. “Unfortunately” I my para did not fall in JB’s vicious schemes as it belongs to Salt Lake where JB himself stays!

    Saw the movie last night and I was like “duh!”, “gosshhh” all the time. What a silly plot! Anyway, bet the Chopras have already raked in all the moolah and planning for yet another such silly plot. BTW, on that gal Anushka, I still can’t decide whether she’s hot or not. Sometimes she looked the perfect bomb while at times she looked a tad too old for her age. Anyway, so much for this movie. On to Ghajini now.

  40. this is a movie for all ladies who have married non-srk men.

    i must persuade my worse half to join a dancing class.
    though i need it more to reduce MY poundage.

    lots of load shedding, courtsey west bengal state electricity board.

    wonder whose name is being spelled out!

  41. This is possibly one of the most dangerous Bollywood flicks ever made. I can imagine every paan-chewing state electricity board clerk dementedly planning to plunge his city into darkness in order to spell out “I Love You” to his lady-love.

    On a lighter note “Here here young girl, chance pe chance maar le, go home and give this poor man some”. – PRICELESS 🙂

  42. How people can watch this movie? overacting overacting overacting! Sahrukh Khan – My @$$.

    3rd class, galli class movie. I wasted my 1 and 1/2 hr.

    -5 *

  43. I wish I could have read your review before watching this Sahrukh-fart. After wasting my 1 and 1/2 hr, I came to your blog and read all these, fk!

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  45. why should SRK take your advise? why shld he change is winning formula ? Tell to tendulkar, that he should not bat straight or tell Ganguly dont play on offside …

    Occasionally SRK does his bit, Chak de/Swadesh.

    I was speaking with friend who is a film editor he said, most super stars have mannerism e.g. Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Dilip kumar, Rajesh Khanna, Amitabh etc thats their USP !

  46. Very very gud review and quite apt…I was having a gud time grinning and chuckling over all the similies in the review…they were almost as asinine and exaggerated as the movie…but only just!!! Rab de.. was a total waste of time and money on my part and waste of talent and goodwill on the moviemaker’s part…this film is PATHETIC and BAD even if it recovers money from the half mad NRIs….watch the movie to see how Aditya Chopra is being made a monkey out of by Rani darling…Oops!!!

  47. Well..in spite of many people bashing the movie..the movie is the biggest hit of the year. I think YRF knows its business well. Logic or No-logic does not matter as long its making money and people are enjoying!! By the way..the movie was not great but had its moments..

  48. @Kaangeya and Priya – Sai Paranjapye is one of my favourite directors and I’ve seen Chashm-e-Baddoor at least 20 times and would happily see it 20 times again. It is one of my top 5 favourite films of all time.

    To call Sai Paranjapye a copy cat is absolutely blasphemous. Check the IMDB entries for Chashm-e-Baddoor and Indru Poyi Naalai Vaa. Sai is actually credited for story and screenplay for the film. K Bhagyaraj is credited with neither for Indru Poyi Naalai Vaa (although all his other screenplays have been dutifully listed)

    They are both made in 1981. I can turn around accuse K. Bhagyaraj of stealing the story of Chashm-e-Baddoor.

    But I don’t think that’s the case. It is entirely possible that they were inspired by the same common idea without necessarily stealing stories from each other.

    It is fine if you think the Tamil film was better than Chashm-e-Baddoor. Perhaps Chashm-e-Baddoor’s appeal is limited to folks familiar with its milieu. But to call Sai a story thief is totally uncalled for.

  49. read this blog b4 watching the movie, & then again read after watching the movie………………………

    all i can say the last part of ur blog –

    ” In short, “Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi” is a faith-affirming exercise that should make you believe that God is watching over your love-life always, if not actually over you. And that you should remember, even when your head gets blown off by a bomb, that this is all part of God’s plan—if at the time of dying, you haven’t fallen in love that means you were one of the persons whom even God could not match. And if at the time of death you already were in love with someone, that means that your love is actually matched with someone else.”

    truly said. hard words, but true…rest above in the blog is just another highly sarcastic intellectual’s thought….or in ur words – RANDOM THOUGHTS OF A DEMENTED MIND !

    u know how to express ur niew.

  50. I think Shahrukh should take a break from working for FRIENDS.(Karan,Aditya,Farah).Why is’nt he working with anyone else?These directors have the same old crappy ideas which will not do anything good for him.I was a big fan of his in the 90’s.Even I liked Swades and Chak De.But that’s it!!This decade has been dominated by Aamir and Hrithik.I would love to see Shahrukh in some film directed by Rakesh Mehra,Rajkumar Hirani,Anurag Kashyap,Anurag Basu….so many talented people out there!!!

  51. ronald reagan once said that communists are the one who reads lenin and marx, but capitalists r the one who understands them. so all u lovers of iranian nd french cinemas rise above ur pseudointelligence.nd u the great reviewer of rab ne ,once try writing emotions on paper nd u will never see ur face in the mirror.

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