Politically Incorrect to Politically Correct Dictionary

64 Comments

The following list gives the conversion between “Old politically incorrect term” to the “New politically correct term” so that you may save yourself from fiascos like the Billu Barber “sentiment hurting” controversy.

Barber –> Hairdresser

Tailor –>Fashion Designer

Grocer–>Food Retailer

Pickpocket–>Economic Offender

Snake Oil Salesman–> Research Proposal Writer

Bonded Slave—> PhD student

Incorrigible Gossip –> Blogger

Mujra –> Item Number

Indifference–>Spirit of [insert Indian city name]

Copying–>Internalizing

Spousal Abuse–>S&M

Terrorist –>Misguided youth

Wife/Husband–> Partner

Partner –>Business Associate

Sleeping Partner–> Financier

Casting couch –>Talent show

Pakistan –> Front Line ally in the war on terror

Leching –> Aggressively Appreciating

Fat –> Healthy

Criminal–> Politician

Scary looking woman –> Woman of high moral character

Ugly looking man –> Bachelor of Engineering

Code coolie–> Software Engineer

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64 thoughts on “Politically Incorrect to Politically Correct Dictionary

  1. bastard –> son of unmarried parents
    ass hole –> the posterior cavity of an Equus asinus.
    choking during important moments of life –> being south african
    prodigal sons –> masters students in usa.

  2. sweeper/janitor–> Grassroots level sanitation officer

    Moron–> Intellectually challenged / Neurologically Disabled

    Perennial Holier Than Thou Whiner –> Ricky Ponting (or is it the other way round? 😛

  3. Other digs at self:

    Snake Oil Salesman–> Research Proposal Writer

    Bonded Slave—> PhD student (used to be one some years ago)

    Fat –> Healthy

    Ugly looking man –> Bachelor of Engineering

  4. GB, we need politically correct hindi words too. Remember in Ajaa Nach le, the word mochi (not the C word mind you) kicked up a similar storm?

  5. Great compilation!!! I was meaning to do this since school but you beat me to it.
    Looking for more such posts and your trademark movie reviews (instead of all the heavy stuff you are doling out by the dozen in the recent past)

  6. Ha ha ha ha!! I dont know kis baat ka zyada bura manoon!!
    Incorrigible Gossip ka ya Ugly looking (wo)man ka!! :D:D:D
    But hilarious. very very apt. Loved the euphemism for indifference!! 🙂
    GB bhaiya apni khud ki dictionary banao!! :D:D

  7. LOL! Indifference–>Spirit of [insert Indian city name] and Spousal Abuse–>S&M were too good 🙂

    I am sure Billu the Hair Fashion Superstylist will do just as good.

    Seriously, you never know what to expect in this country!

  8. Can anyone pls clarify Spousal abuse —> S&M for me?
    Great list GB, may one be permitted to add some as and when they strike?
    Thanks 🙂

  9. I hope you know that http://www.thinkandgrowballs.com is advertising on your front page. With a tagline that reads “Discover How To Shrink Your Fear & Enlarge Your Courage… Start Now!”
    I thought that was more hilarious than this article, which seems inspired (and I mean it literally) by an outstanding piece of comedy by George Carlin.

  10. An aside:
    strangely no Dev D torrents available after 5 days of release of movie, The UTV guys sure did something right and it could not have happened to a better movie.

  11. NO NO NO… u can’t just go from Fat to Healthy. Actually some of them have multiple levels:

    Barber –> Hairdresser -> Hair Stylist
    Fat -> Chubby -> Plus sized -> Curvy -> Healthy
    Terrorist (in kashmir area) -> Freedom fighters
    Sleeping partner -> Fuck buddy -> Financier
    Bully -> Leader
    Bhaiyya log -> U.P./Bihari -> North indians
    Madrassi -> South Indian
    Wanton girl -> Big brother contestant
    Weird movie -> Art film -> Alternative genre movie

  12. Ahahahah. A few more.

    1. Pakistani terrorist = Universal Thespian (Non-State actor)

    2. Duplicitous Pakistani politics = Dual role thespian
    (like Kishore Kumar in Lookochoori)

    3. Pakistani murderor in Paris = “INDO-Pakistani member in Paris”
    (Like the movie an “American in Paris”).

    1. PAKISTAN THREATENED BY “NON-STATE ACTORS”: SAYS ZARDARI
    ——————————————————–
    [PTI, per Hindusthan Times, 24 Feb 2009]

    Under attack from the global community for its inability in containing terrorism emanating from its soil, Pakistan on Monday said the country is threatened by the ‘non-state actors’ and sought China’s help in eradicating the menace.

    …. and silly me thinking that the closest to a ‘universal thespian’ were Yul Brynner and Max von Sydow for their command of numerous languages and stellar and polyglot performances in movies of many countries. No, stupid. Its the 1m Pakistani terrorists wielding Kalashnikovs and scimitars !!

    2. US SHOULD NO LONGER SUPPORT DUPLICITY OF PAK: US CONGRESSMAN
    ————————————————————-
    [The Hindu, 24 Feb 2009]

    An influential US lawmaker has said that the America should no more tolerate the ‘ duplicity’ of the government at Islamabad.

    Congressman George Miller charged the previous George Bush administration of ignoring the “dual roles” played by the Pakistani military and intelligence … “In Pakistan, we can no longer suffer the duplicity of that government”

    Another Congressman Ed Markey expressed concern over the recent developments in Pakistan including release of A Q Khan and peace treaty in the Swat Valley.

    (Again, silly me, thinking that a dual role is akin to Gurudas simultaneously playing the part of Ramakrishan and Banakshepa in the same movie, or Kishore Kumar in Lookochoori. Or Dilip Kumar in Ram and Shyam. Rajendar Kumar did something similar. we Indians have a host of such luminaries on our silver and crayon screens.

    But they are all hopelessly outclassed, outenacted (ehhh?) and outwitted by the incomparable genius of that holy trinity, Zardari, Musharraf and Durrani.

    “INDO-PAKISTANI” LABEL IN PARIS MURDER DRAWS EXPATRIATE IRE
    ———————————————————–
    (The Hindu, 24 Feb 2009)

    Paksitanis are giving us a bad name”, say Indian expatriates

    The term is meaningless and its use is unfortunate, says journalist

    ————————————————–
    Paris: French police arrested six Pakistanis, including one woman, after the killing of a French off-duty policeman late Saturday in the Paris suburb of Courneuve. The policeman’s service revolver was found near the garbage bins of the building in which the six Pakistanis live.

    However, media — including newspapers, radio and television — citing police sources identified the six arrested people as belonging to the “Indo-Pakistani community”, a term which has angered the Indian community here.

    Angry calls

    As a result, The Hindu’s office in Paris was flooded with angry calls from the Indian community. “I take great offence at the use of the term “Indo-Pakistani community” to describe people who are purely Pakistani nationals,” said a caller who identified himself as Naresh. “It would be the same if a French or German person arrested in India were to be referred to as belonging to ‘Franco-German or Franco British community’ simply because the two countries happen to be neighbours. The Indian community is completely separate from the Pakistani community and the two have nothing in common. We belong to different sovereign countries.”

    A woman caller said: “The Pakistanis here are giving us a bad name. They are involved in all kinds of trafficking and it is suspected that this policeman was in some way linked to an extortion racket with those arrested. We should not be lumped with the Pakistanis simply because we come from roughly the same geographical area.”

    Gilles Poux, Communist Mayor of Courneuve, was quoted as saying: “There appeared to be a quarrel between people belonging to the Indo-Pakistani community. Many shops in this busy locality have been bought by members of this community.”

    [All of the above can be reviwed by visting samachar.com and viewing the relevant online paper]

  13. You missed out definitions on reality tv shows – especially thunder thigh bhabies dancing their redeemed chance to famedom & easy money. And spoilt brats justifying their young gen attitude

  14. MOST ‘UNFORTUNATE’ NAMES REVEALED
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7909561.stm

    What do you call some of the most unlucky people in Britain?
    “Justin Case, Barb Dwyer and Stan Still”. It sounds like a bad joke, but .. there really are people with those names in the UK.

    Joining them are Terry Bull, Paige Turner and Anna Sasin.

    And just imagine having to introduce yourself as “Doug Hole or Hazel Nutt”.

    Retired airman Stan Still, from Gloucestershire, said his name had been “a millstone … when I was in the RAF my commanding officer used to shout, ‘Stan Still, get a move on’ and roll about laughing,” he said.

    MORE UNFORTUNATE NAMES
    Jo King
    Barry Cade
    Carrie Oakey

    The names were uncovered by researchers from parenting group TheBabyWebsite.com

  15. Blind, Lame, Deaf, Dumb- Physically challenged
    Mad- Mentally challenged
    Fat person- horizontally challenged
    Short person- vertically challenged
    Cobbler – Shoemaker
    Strap snap- wardrobe malfunction
    Married- marred
    Unmarried- happy
    Investment Banker- N/A
    Ayan Rand- Ayan CSW ( Commercial Sex Worker)
    Skoda Lauda- Skoda Private Organ

  16. Pingback: Lol! « Vantage Point

  17. I’m surprised nobody mentioned the well known:

    Digital Restrictions Management (DRM) -> Digital ‘Rights’ Management
    Treacherous Computing -> ‘Trusted’ Computing
    War Of Terror (against small oil-rich countries) -> War ‘ON’ Terror

    We truly live in the times of Doublespeak, where lies are passed on as truth and honest people (whistleblowers) are termed criminals (witness Julian Assange)

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