Silly Season

As the world’s biggest democracy goes to the polls, we note with satisfaction the maturity of debate engaged in by the big-names leaders and gawk in admiration at the forward-looking policies that some of our political parties have announced.

After all what could match the intellectual cut-and-thrust of Narendra Modi-ji, whose prime ministerial candidate is a sprightly eighty-two, calling the Congress Party a “budiya” to which Princess Priyanka Gandhi replies with a “Do I look like a budiya” and then the Congress asks for BJP to dump their leaders into the Arabian Sea. In response, Modi ups the ante  by calling the Congress Party a “gudiya” (he may have been doing an in-reference to Karishma Kapoor’s movie “Paapi Gudiya” a rip-off of “Child’s Play”). Now I do not want to get into an argument whether advanced age implies weakness but for those of you who doubt the power of buddas to be bad-ass I give you the Terminator, the famous Budda Gujjar, the legendary superhero of the Pakistani Northwest.

Of course not everything about these elections is about subtle arguments on ideology. There are bold policy statements like the Samajwadi Party announcing its ambitious plans to do away two of India’s greatest competitive advantages in the global market — English and computers along with mechanized methods of farming. I fully stand behind this policy of the SP and as we speak, I am preparing to hand-write my blog on paper in Hindi and stick it on to the walls of second-class train compartments. Of course I am sure that the next time elections come about, the Samajwadi Party would have abolished mechanized transport and by 2012 I am hopeful that the use of fire would also have been banned by the fiat of the Mega Mamoo of India— Ak47 Dutt.

However for me, the abiding memory of what level this election was fought at would be  Didi’s hand-chosen TMC candidate, the great songmeister , Babur Suman’s beautiful videos where we get up-close and personal with the scourge of Tatas and other assorted poonjibadis (capitalists)(really more up-close-and-personal than is apposite as we get an extended peek into his toilet and of him using it)

Of course my favorite election story [link courtesy: Rohit] this time is the story of Pinky (not her real name) who at the age of 20 is casting her first genuine vote, having already voted in five elections for the past ten years. Starting at the age of ten, she has voted– sometimes pretending to be a 50 year old and sometimes a 67 year old woman and not once has her false vote been discarded, so masterful is she in her “disguise”.  This time of course a chief electoral bigwig promises us that this kind of false voting will not happen because of technology. However I wont be surprised if even after all the digital cameras and video equipment, Pinky goes and casts her vote as the chief electoral officer herself.

With such an assortment of voters and serious candidates and their bouquet of well-thought out policies and talking points, it is totally appropriate that the Election Commission has selected as this election’s theme song “Dance Pe Chance Mar Le” since with one of these brilliant men or women at the helm, India’s future now depends on “chance”than on anything else.

[In this context, a Must watch video]

44 thoughts on “Silly Season

  1. Written in haste. A far cry from the previous few posts.
    I hope you don’t compromise on quality for quantity, GB. I’d rather wait for a few days than read this.

    BTW, do I get an ipod? 😀

  2. Mega Mamoo – Funny !!!!

  3. I think our current political system follows darwins evolution theory.

    When criminals reach zenith of their deeds we encourage them to be politicians so that they dont harras people directly. We the people will regulaly pay hafta in form of corruption and also provide them VIP facility with occianals film film starcompany. We can ill ford to cut them lose or let them in wild. Let them stay in Z security and 24 hour surveillance.

    Also we Indians encourage them to join all different parties so that none of the party is left is meek(honest) individuals. Now these criminals/thugs fight among themselves and make sure that party in power does not get all the spoils of the victory. Voila ! that’s our unique way checks and balance. Occasionally they cuss and kill each other and we can watch the show of circus dogs from outside the ring.
    BTW our media acts like joker in this circus.

    Moreover outside world is amazed by Indian democracy, they think Indians are giving opportunity to the low denomination possible who cant even read or write are promoting manual labour over computers and english, kinda cool !

    Why no one has population control in manifesto….you kidding me ….what are terroris attacks floods, earthquake, lanslides, malaria, aids, dowry arson, cannibalism, naxals, riots for ……bitches !

  4. This is a very sad post. I mean if one single article could capture the hypocrisy and bullshit that encompasses Indian politics, that TOI link about the Samajwadi Party should suffice. What a joke!

    Its total craziness. And what about false intellectuals like Babur Suman?. Time to put him in a mental hospital!

    And the story of Pinky should by read by all people who have asked this question again and again on this blog over the years: “How come did one party have an uninterrupted rule over a state for so many years?” This of course is just the tip of the iceberg.

  5. this post almost makes me want to relocate to another country… if we’re ruled by such jokers what hope is there?

    and we have the added treat of looking forward to a future with Mayawati as the PM.

  6. You are not funny anymore, sadly.

  7. Shakti Samant passed away recently.
    I think a retrospective of his work is due.
    Oh what music Shaktida / RD Burman / Kishore created.

  8. our politicians are a joke!! “..abolish expensive education in english and use of computers”..ha!! these jokers are hell bent on taking our country backwards by a 50 years!!

  9. Hope that more people like mira sanyal get into politics.

  10. oh here is meera sanyal’s website!


    talking of silly season, found a classic google adsense ad. makes as much sense as anything else, I guess.

    The Final (Third) Frontier…

  12. balalsangh parivar April 13, 2009 — 12:10 pm

    Pinky’s Story 😉 reminds me of an old cartoon in a vernacular newspaper. This was during the T.N.Sheshan years I think….

    Scene: One of those god forsaken, heavily guarded polling stations in one of those god forsaken Commie party panchayats. A little kid is seen keenly checking out every face in the voters’ queue.

    Cop: Hey kid, what are you doing here?
    Kid: I came to see my long dead Grandpa, Police-uncle! I heard he cast his vote this panchayat election and the assembly elections before that….

    And this is the first election I am missing out since I got my right to vote. Boo Hoo. Seriously! 😦

  13. A few days back, the TOI had published an article on Calcutta Times where it too, like a certain tea company, tried to arouse the souls of the Indian citizens by asking us to caste out precious votes. Cause if we don’t then the Pappus would go on ruling the country.

    The journo never provided his/her official email id, else I would like to ask him/her that what if all of them are Pappus out there? Then what?

  14. Speaking of false voters, I am glad that some political parties (CPM, Trinamool & the Congress) can count on getting the votes of 15-20 million Bangladeshi invaders (“illegal immigrants”) nationwide who have received Voters ID cards with the connivance of the local Trinamool politicians and Congress/CPM state governments.

    Not just border states like West Bengal and Assam, but also Mumbai, Delhi, Gurgaon, Pune, Hyderabad, Jaipur and other cities have huge concentration of Bangladeshi invaders (illegal immigrants) in the slums, who have become “regular” voters after getting fake ration cards and support from their local politicians.

    These 20 million illegal Bangladeshis can tilt the balance in favour of the regressive CPM, suicidal Trinamool & Rahul baba’s personal property (Congress) in nearly a hundred constituencies around India.

    So that gives me more reason to cheer… Mera Bharat Mahaan. Lekin Yahan ke Neta Beimaan !!!

  15. How could SP be serious about abolishing English and Computers? What a f*#$ing joke?

  16. I request everyone here to ask Amitabh Bacchan(on his blog)…why he is associated with such *#$*#$.

  17. Ah, a bunch of citizones slowly figuring out this country is not going to make it through the next ten years. About Bacchanalian politics: that geezer should read the book “Graceful Aging: Knowing When to Stop”.

  18. If only the Samajwadi Party was a teeny weeny party I would have laughed my ass off. But this scares me, horribly. It is just so sad that people do vote for these monsters. That Amar Singh, [edited] donated 50 lakh dollars to some Hillary Clinton trust or something. He spends his holidays in US, without speaking English I guess. And of course, the computers do not come into picture at all. As for Mulayam Singh, a “pehelwan” can only have his brains in his knees and they are giving out with age. But what depresses me is that names like Amitabh Bacchan are associated with this blot on the name of a party. As for Sanjay Dutt, I think he is overestimating his popularity. No body gives a hoot about him or his bhaigiri, mamugiri, druggiri, TADAgiri. I would never ever again honour it by calling it Gandhigiri.
    Just look at the friggin double standards of these retards. Makes me wanna puke on their face. I hope a comet falls on their heads.

  19. “I hope a comet falls on their heads.” — better yet, pray that may an asteroid take out the whole subcontinent — praablem finis.

  20. @Anonymous Coward

    You wrote: “pray that may an asteroid take out the whole subcontinent — praablem finis.”

    Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater. 🙂

  21. Lol he is Kabir Suman, is he not? How did he turn into Babar?

  22. Sillyness is in air. What else can you expect when people are speaking their own mind and not speeches written for them.
    Not everyone is Advani or Shourie to think before they talk.

  23. “Not everyone is Advani or Shourie to think before they talk.”
    ROTFL! Are you sure about Advani? So you do believe Jinnah was a secular leader, Hmmm 🙂

  24. When you go and paste your hand written blog do not use glue, fevicol, etc… use a locally made adhesive. Don’t even think of photocopy. Write all copies on hand made paper using ‘kalam’ – no calligraphy pens. I hope your handwriting is legible.
    Between ads of Khandani Dawakhana and Rishety-hi-Rishtey will be the latest issue of RTDM by GB 🙂 Wow!

  25. hi joyjit… actually, Mr.Advani quoted Congress leader Mrs.Sarojini Naidu as having said that Jinnah was secular.

  26. We have a country full of illiterates and mean people. The candidates they choose are a reflection of them.

  27. Yes… and I never said he was not but he did agree to her didnt he?

  28. we thoroughly deserve the a-holes we vote for. we have a real basket of peaches this time.

  29. Hi joyjit…If I quote the Pope as saying that he supports Creationism (not Evolution), does that mean that I too support Creationism (not Evolution)? 🙂

  30. All political parties are worthless.
    The leaders are criminals and/or jokers.
    We are the intellectuals of India and certainly better than all politicians.
    We hate nationalists because they are always narrow-minded about country and not global citizens like us.
    And we don’t even vote.

    If these are the lines of thinking of most of your readers (as I get from your last few ‘political’ blogs), then that would be problem for the nation, not a Mulayam Singh or some Babar Suman.

  31. Shubho Nabobarsha 1416.

  32. @Anonymous: We all can chose what to believe in! But I would rather have a Manmohan Singh over LK Advani any day…

  33. @joyjit, Nice evasive tactics when cornered by logic!!

  34. I like SP idea. Lets start with removing all fans/ACs, light bulb etc in SP party candidates house. That will give more employment to diya, hand held fan makers etc. Also let them canvass on bullock carts and hire munadi waalaas to spread their message..

  35. @anon: No evasive tactcis. Just unwilling to slug it out when people dont want to listen… If you feel Advani did not mean what he said, then IMHO even his ‘Sangh parivar’ brethen and BJP leadership was very very poor in understanding him!

  36. @ Joyjit
    “..unwilling to slug it out when people dont want to listen”.

    🙂 Standing in front of the mirror, are you?

  37. Quite a few of us need mirrors, ain’t it?

  38. @Joyjit,
    But once Mr.Advani explained that he had quoted Mrs.Sarojini Naidu’s words, I think the misunderstanding was gradually dispelled from people’s minds. And his ‘Sangh parivar’ brethen and the BJP leadership (that you mentioned) have chosen to support his bid for the Prime Ministerial position.

  39. GB – on a separate note, will you be publishing anything on the Teesta Setalvad story? All the filmi embellishments..

  40. A part of this post appeared in today’s Sakaal Times ( titled “Silly season at its peak”. So probably, you would’nt need to look for second-class train compartments in future. 🙂

  41. Manmohan’s speech at Oxford University on 8 July 2005, while accepting an honorary degree: “At the height of our campaign for freedom from colonial rule, we did not entirely reject the British claim to good governance. We merely asserted our natural right to self-governance. India’s experience with Britain had its beneficial consequences.”

    On May 22, 2005, in an emergency cabinet meeting past midnight, the Manmohan Singh regime recommended the dissolution of the Bihar assembly to the president. This was a blot on Indian democracy. The country’s Supreme Court passed strictures on the governor, Buta Singh, and the central government.

    In 2006, health minister Anbumani Ramadoss sacked the most renowned heart surgeon in India and AIIMS head P Venugopal from the post of director. The politics of a self-centred and selfish caste-based leader with 4 MPs in Parliament was on the verge of destroying a great institution. The people of the country looked up to the prime minister to sack Anbumani from his cabinet and restore people’s faith in governance. But prime minister could not do it. He didn’t even open his mouth on the issue so that we knew whether Venugopal was sacked with his approval.

    After the assembly election in Jharkhand, although the BJP was the single largest party and it had the support of 5 independents, the Sonia-appointee Jharkhand governor, Syed Sibte Razi, hurriedly swore in Jharkhand Mukti Morcha chief Shibu Soren as chief minister. This in spite of the fact that Shibu had the support of just 33 MLAs, 8 short of the majority. But the PM just watched silently this murder of democracy. The Supreme Court had to intervene and tell the central government that the act of the governor was unconstitutional. Then the BJP was invited to form the government that it did. But we all know that Syed Sibte Razi was not removed. He is still the governor of Jharkhand.

    Again, in 2008, as a reward for help save the UPA govt in Delhi, the PM asked Madhu Koda to resign so that Shibu Soren could be made chief minister. Soren forced Koda to resign, became the chief minister, but when Soren contested the election after that, he was rejected by the people, giving rise to a constitutional crisis.

    The culprits of the 1984 anti-Sikh massacre, Jagdish Tytler and Sajjan Kumar, were given tickets to contest the Lok Sabha elections. The prime minister kept looking but could not change the decision of the party. It was only after journalist Jarnail Singh hurled a shoe at the home minister and a widespread protest against the Congress decision was witnessed that the candidature of Tytler and Kumar was withdrawn.

    Mr Arjun Singh, the Union HRD minister, in his infinite wisdom decided that the best way to preserve Aligarh Muslim University’s minority status was by reserving 50% of the seats for Muslims. The decision was taken unilaterally, without consulting the prime minister. There is a general belief that the move was decided by Arjun Singh in a bid to woo Muslim votes for the Congress.

    In September 2006 during a meeting with Musharraf, the Indian prime minister said that “Pakistan was a victim of terrorism”. By saying this, he accepted Pakistan’s incredible argument. And now, after the Mumbai attack, he says Pakistan is the epicentre of terrorism. Is it a sign of a PM who has a clear understanding of diplomacy? Certainly not.

    In 2008 every six weeks, hundreds of people were killed in various towns of India, but the prime minister was not moved. He knew that home minister Shivraj Patil is not competent to handle the responsibilities of the ministry, but still he continued with him as it was Sonia Gandhi who had made Patil the home minister and only she could remove him. The country paid a heavy price for this act of the prime minister.

    Recently, the Congress released a television ad. All prime ministers that the Congress party gave to the nation figured in it except Narasimha Rao. This happened although Rao was Manmohan Singh’s mentor in politics. It was Rao who got him into politics as his finance minister and Manmohan got some credibility. But since Sonia Gandhi doesn’t like Rao, she chose to not have him in the Congress ad. Manmohan Singh either didn’t ask her to include Rao in the ad or he is so weak that he knew that opening his mouth would be of no help. He is so ungrateful to his mentor! Such an ungrateful man does not deserve to head this great country.

    All these examples show that the prime minister cannot take his own decisions. We have suffered him enough. We don’t want to suffer for another five years.

  42. @Aparna

    Here’s a interesting news-article from today’s “Pioneer” newspaper on Kabir Suman.

    ‘Colourful past may haunt Mamata’s Kabir’

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