New York—the Review

43 Comments

A naked John Abraham is indeed a corrupting influence, or more appropriately as this man whose petition has led to a FIR being filed against Abraham,  says “very dangerous and suicidal for the coming generation“.

To be honest, even people of his own generation have troubles keeping their wits about them.

Need proof your honor?

Ok here it is.

In the movie “New York” interred inside a dungeon by the CIA as a suspected terrorist (which he obviously is not), John Abraham playing Sameer is kept sans a stitch of clothing on his marvelously muscled body.

In the adjoining cell, a real terrorist whose name I presume was V.Pasha whispers to him “The best brown bread in New York”.

Now  I thought that the terrorist, missing the dry fruits of his native land, had been corrupted by the sight of the naked Sameer. As a result, he was merely propositioning the Abraham character for some one-on-one “Dana Dan Goal” 377 action, calling him “New York’s best brown bread” on account of V Pasha having noticed the resemblance of Abraham’s posterior cheeks to loaves of “brown bread” [the brown may be due to his skin color or due to something else] with the similarity to a whole-grain sandwich being strengthened by the generous slice of meat in the middle (the kind that makes Asin say “Sorry Peta I love my meat“)

But for some reason, Abraham mistakes this rather obvious proposition  for a “coded message”. After being released from jail, the innocent Samir turns rogue in order to take revenge.  And then in perhaps the only enjoyable (unintentionally of course) passage in “New York” he goes to a shop calling itself New York’s Best Brown Bread and asks for New York’s best brown bread. Nothing happens except he is given a loaf of brown bread. He goes back. Once again he is given a loaf of brown bread. Again and again this goes on. Till one day, the baker runs out of brown bread, Abraham after consuming so much fibre is shitting bricks and  terrorists belonging to Al-Breada come and pick him up in order to use him as a noxious biological weapon.

Alas however such moments of joy are too few and far in between.

Kabir Khan showed promise with the really funny and poignant Kabul Express, a movie that very few people liked. This time under obvious pressure from his producers Yashraj, known for their thoda pyar thoda magic kind of offerings, he goes more mainstream. Which is why a movie ostensibly about 9/11 and terrorism and torture and illegal detention has a Kuch Kuch Hota Hain  “Chupana bhi naheen aata batana bhi naheen ata” sappy love-story, simple characters, cartoonish foreigner stereotypes, half-baked motivations, a predictable “play-it-safe” storyline and overall boredom, a defining trait that has sadly afflicted most of the studio’s recent productions.

Predictable. Yes that’s the main problem. Irrfan Khan once again plays a police inspector, his mighty acting skills not challenged by the middling material. Neil Nitin Mukesh is passable, John Abraham is wooden in more ways than one and Katrina Kaif (according to the cleverly oiled media machine, this is the performance of her life-time) out-plastics Aishwarya Rai.

To be fair there are surprises. Like seeing the very realistic situation of a brilliant Indian student (Neil Nitin Mukesh) who came on a full scholarship to the prestigious “New York State University”, a university which has a sensational view of downtown Manhattan, reduced to driving a cab post-graduation. Like experiencing the gaping plot holes as they stun you with their gapingness. Like seeing Katrina Kaif trying to squeeze out emotion from her beautiful but impassive face. Like seeing a talented director with a decent budget and a theme which had potential lose it so completely.

Immensely disappointing.

Advertisements

43 thoughts on “New York—the Review

  1. GB,Well I haven’t read this post yet but straightway jumped to the comments section,sorry if it is out of context but are you still following Rakhi ka Swayamvar? Guess I’m not the only one hooked on it after reading your post. You didn’t intend to do this,did you?

  2. “Now I thought that the terrorist, missing the dry fruits of his native land, had been corrupted by the sight of the naked Sameer. As a result, he was merely propositioning the Abraham character for some one-on-one “Dana Dan Goal” 377 action, calling him “New York’s best brown bread” on account of V Pasha having noticing the resemblance of Abraham’s posterior cheeks to loaves of “brown bread” [the brown may be due to his skin color or due to something else] with the similarity to a whole-grain sandwich being strengthened by the generous slice of meat in the middle”

    This whole paragraph is sheer GB genius at its best!

    Arnabda ei baare review for Bruno… prochur khorak aache! 😀

  3. As expected, Kabir Khan has made a B.S movie, loaded it with M.S and assures everyone will get PhD from watching his movie.

    (B.S = Bull Shit
    M.S = More Shit
    PhD = Permanent Head Damage)

    On a serious note… Have you guys noticed one small detail here?

    “Secular” directors like Kabir Khan want to make movies on fictitious stories of his co-religionists being arrested by Americans in distant, far-away New York.

    Why don’t we see “secular” directors like Kabir Khan make a movie on the plight of his fellow human-beings who suffered at the hands of his co-religionists in our own Indian sub-continent? There is no shortage of real-life stories here…

    (Exhibit A: 700,000 Kashmiri Hindu Pandits who suffered wholesale genocide at the hands of their “brethren”…

    Exhibit B: Nearly 30 million Bengali Hindus – from East Bengal – who continue to die or flee faced with persecution from their “brethren” to this very day… )

    When I see such communal hypocrisy by Kabir Khan (and the rest of Bollywood), I am reminded of the wise Urdu aphorism: “Mullah ki daud masjid tak!” . What else can you expect from the great Khans of Bollywood – bankrolled by Dawood and adored by stupid Hindus?

  4. Neil Mukesh : I just Cum..
    John : Just by hugging ?. Great !!

    I was bored to death in those 2/2.30 hours…
    rightly said… very predictable…

  5. Ok make it 1 paragraph = 2 sentences with the second one hogging lots of space. Have mercy on us dimwits GB. Nice post BTW. Felt the same about Yashraj.

  6. @ GB,
    Regarding NEW YORK I could not resist myself to share this observation.
    When this indian guy ,with whom Katrina was doing her little interviews and stuffs,jumps from the building and dies …
    just before jumping she looks down , Katrina was standing just underneath, this guy gets a deep look at her cleavage , gives a million dollar smile (of the totality his life finally obtains) and jumps.
    Honestly, such was the smile of the guy, i burst out laughing in the theatre at that moment drawing not so favourable glances from my girlfriend.

  7. Anyone who has ‘feelings’ for Johnny should be sent to the Yoga Guru. The Yoga Guru claims he can ‘cure’ 😉 people of ‘this’ disease.

    YashRaj is hopeless these days. If Johar makes a movie with two guys and a girl in US, Chopra must follow. Thank God, they did not choose Uday Chopra and Rani M for the lead roles.

    GB, what do you feel about Ashutosh Gowarikar’s comment during IIFA.

    He said “Priyanka I love you, but I don’t know how you got the award for Best Actress ………. Maybe it is because you are very hard-working and she is a natural.”

  8. Appalled by “New York” ? Try watching “Kambakht Ishq”. You will spew next time you think of watching an Akshay Kumar movie. In the words of ‘Sly’ – “Your worst nightmare”.

  9. Can anyone plese explain to me how this film is a box office success?.Beats me . Somebody please help me to explain the total lack of any sense in our so called ‘masses’. Is it the long absense of bollywood high budget films in Multiplex or have we really gone brain dead. Expect more of such turds from Yash Raj Films

  10. I had high expectations from this movie because I really liked Kabir Khan’s earlier movie “Kabul Express” (which incidentally was a flop).

    But then the movie was a total letdown.

    There is NOT a single positive thing about “New York” barring the below ones :
    1. Irrfan Khan’s role (brilliant as usual, though he could have been used in a much better way)
    2. Picturesque NY
    3. A somewhat strong performance by Neil Nitin Mukesh (though his debut performance in Johnny Gaddar was much better).

    As they say, all good movies are not necessarily hit movies just like all hit movies are not necessarily good movies. 🙂

  11. I will disagree with GB (and most of the posters) at my own peril

    I found the movie to be riveting (Yes, I did). Let me say why:

    1. The complete objectivity in the movie. Nowehere does the director take sides. He could have portrayed the Americans as mass murderers by shoing the FBI officer to be either a buffoon or a guy with no conscience. He does neither. Both sides accept that mistakes were made-but there are positives that you could not ignore
    2. The chupana bhi nahin aata love story-well the director did not spend more than 5 minutes in establishing why NNM moves away from his friends-there is the quick I love you from KK, and then the next shot-NNM is out. He could have easily stretched it out to 20 minutes with 2 songs-one proclaiming KK’s love for JA and the other NNM’s heartbreak
    3. The frisking scene and its setup-very realistic. Imagine-you are a police officer-on duty-and you stop this guy – who you ask for a license (with the use of the word Sir) after he has jumped a traffic light. He mutters something in a foreign language- and then practically throws the license at you. His female companion, keeps speaking to him in his language-and then DESPITE your repeatedly telling her to stay in the car-comes out. What would YOU do? Would you stand and observe them? OR do what the officers did?
    4. THe immigrant thing-Being an immigrant myself, it irks me to no end when people first scream about discrimination (as the Z character does) and then are miserable about being deported.Huh? IF you feel that the white guy is a ‘Harami’ GO BACK. Look at it this way-if I came to your house, stayed there, and then behaved completely in my own way-and then said to you-hey respect me-give me rights-what would you do? NOT saying that discrimination is justified. But there are ways to blend into an alien culture-and if you don’t want to do that-go back!!The issue was presented very objectively when Irfan talks about it
    4. Katrina Kaif. I wonder why her acting abilities (which I agree are limited) are being questioned when it comes to this movie. She is perfect for the part. The accented Hindi-the 2-3 stock expression face. Do you think Smita patil or (maybe Konkona Sen-Sharma) would have done a better job?
    5. Plot holes: Come on -this is not a theorem proof-its a hindi movie!!

    To sum-I would say the director portrayed objectivity. The director made his point that terrorism is NOT justified. We may feel pain at ‘Samir Shaikh’ and people like him who were illegally detained-but if they become terrorists-not done. Also-the criticism of the FBI is clear-they messed up-and they admit it.
    Of course some ‘firangi’ stereotypes had to be thrown in-but thankfully were not stretched too far.
    Overall-I liked this movie-much better than the jingoistic RDB

  12. I’m with Arun on this one. GB, why’d you take apart a decent Bollywood movie? It’s much better than lame shit that Bollywood normally churns out.

    Please review Kambakht Ishq and Kal Kissne Dekha – they are better suited to such a review.

  13. Watch Kambakhat Isaq. The movie is finding hard to get superhit status but it has all the masala for a blockbuster write up from you.

  14. Arun, David Bhosale,

    Decent? Riveting? ROFL.

    You guys have seriously gotta be kidding me. (On the other hand, you might’ve just helped me unravel the mystery to why films like “Shootout at Lokhandwala” become box-office hits.)

    For what it’s worth, the only thing I found “riveting” about the movie was a 2 minute monologue by Nawazuddin Siddiqui. (Yes, the Z character if you will.)

    No more comments. (I fear I’ll burst an artery or something.)

  15. Sanjana-would have liked a more objective rebuttal..but certainly don’t want you to burst an artery…:)…no further comments from me…

  16. Arun, the movie comprised of potentially good pressure points. The plot in itself could have produced a very good movie. However the execution was bad. Too many frills and waste of time. The director did not spend enough screen time for the “transformation” of Samir. Also the ending was kinda lame.

  17. C’mon be kind to John. Wooden but dishy he looked.
    Btw, FBI not CIA. Proof that you were really into the brown bread by then 🙂

  18. first i thinking you talking about new york city. then reading coments i come know you talking about fillum. where can i get tickets. in my town no thetres.

  19. “Till one day, the baker runs out of brown bread, Abraham after consuming so much fibre is shitting bricks and terrorists belonging to Al-Breada come and pick him up in order to use him as a noxious biological weapon.”

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. One of the funniest lines written in a review.

  20. @Bengal Voice: Seriously man, I used to think ‘one track mind’ was just an expression. You proved me wrong.

  21. @ Shubho
    Yea man, these Bollywood filmwallahs just cant even comprehend of changing their track to what Bengal Voice suggested.

    Good observation.

  22. Pingback: Kurbaan—the Review | Random Thoughts of a Demented Mind

  23. “When I see such communal hypocrisy by Kabir Khan (and the rest of Bollywood), I am reminded of the wise Urdu aphorism: “Mullah ki daud masjid tak!” . What else can you expect from the great Khans of Bollywood – bankrolled by Dawood and adored by stupid Hindus?”

    That’s why you should watch regional movies. There, no one cares about khans or kapoors and the hypocrisy that comes with their hidden agendas. I don’t mind watching bollywood movies but i always end up feeling alienated and insulted. I used to think that Punjabi and Bengali cultures are overrepresented in bollywood. Recently I made some Sikh/bengali friends in college and I was surprized to see them rant about how bollywood misrepresented their real culture.

    Anyways, Here in South India, bollywood has to share the limelight with the local film industry. Sure, we have a different kind of BS but not the phoney co-religionist/globalist preachy messages where you can tell that the writer is being intellectually dishonest. We have our share of mindless action movies and over-the-top political thrillers. we do get preachy movies from the likes of mani ratnam but the religious harmony we see in his movies reflects our local culture. The muslim or christian character acts very much like a malayali or tamilian and not like some non-existant imported exhibit who has landed to enlighten us.

    Bollywood has always served a foreign master(be it Dawood Ibrahim and his cohorts or NRIs or some foreign lobby). They will NEVER be pro aam-junta EVER.
    Ofcourse there are some exceptions that come as a pleasant surprise to us (like Oye Lucky, Dev D, Mr and Mrs Iyer, 15 park avenue, Maine Gandhi ko nahi maara,etc )

    Sorry about the rant.

  24. continued from my rant…
    The review is very good and witty. I agree, the movie was a dud. The most ridiculous part was when Katrina Kaif keeps pleading the other hero (reluctantly working for FBI) NOT to investigate John Abraham because he hasn’t yet done anything unamerican and he is already pissed at them for wrongly accusing him. Its like saying “The police wrongly arrested him once for murder, so he should be exempt from any other police investigation in future even if he is s suspect”.

    Kabul express was much better. Maybe mainstream cinema is not the director’s forte.

Have An Opinion? Type Away

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s