A naked John Abraham is indeed a corrupting influence, or more appropriately as this man whose petition has led to a FIR being filed against Abraham, says “very dangerous and suicidal for the coming generation“.
To be honest, even people of his own generation have troubles keeping their wits about them.
Need proof your honor?
Ok here it is.
In the movie “New York” interred inside a dungeon by the CIA as a suspected terrorist (which he obviously is not), John Abraham playing Sameer is kept sans a stitch of clothing on his marvelously muscled body.
In the adjoining cell, a real terrorist whose name I presume was V.Pasha whispers to him “The best brown bread in New York”.
Now I thought that the terrorist, missing the dry fruits of his native land, had been corrupted by the sight of the naked Sameer. As a result, he was merely propositioning the Abraham character for some one-on-one “Dana Dan Goal” 377 action, calling him “New York’s best brown bread” on account of V Pasha having noticed the resemblance of Abraham’s posterior cheeks to loaves of “brown bread” [the brown may be due to his skin color or due to something else] with the similarity to a whole-grain sandwich being strengthened by the generous slice of meat in the middle (the kind that makes Asin say “Sorry Peta I love my meat“)
But for some reason, Abraham mistakes this rather obvious proposition for a “coded message”. After being released from jail, the innocent Samir turns rogue in order to take revenge. And then in perhaps the only enjoyable (unintentionally of course) passage in “New York” he goes to a shop calling itself New York’s Best Brown Bread and asks for New York’s best brown bread. Nothing happens except he is given a loaf of brown bread. He goes back. Once again he is given a loaf of brown bread. Again and again this goes on. Till one day, the baker runs out of brown bread, Abraham after consuming so much fibre is shitting bricks and terrorists belonging to Al-Breada come and pick him up in order to use him as a noxious biological weapon.
Alas however such moments of joy are too few and far in between.
Kabir Khan showed promise with the really funny and poignant Kabul Express, a movie that very few people liked. This time under obvious pressure from his producers Yashraj, known for their thoda pyar thoda magic kind of offerings, he goes more mainstream. Which is why a movie ostensibly about 9/11 and terrorism and torture and illegal detention has a Kuch Kuch Hota Hain “Chupana bhi naheen aata batana bhi naheen ata” sappy love-story, simple characters, cartoonish foreigner stereotypes, half-baked motivations, a predictable “play-it-safe” storyline and overall boredom, a defining trait that has sadly afflicted most of the studio’s recent productions.
Predictable. Yes that’s the main problem. Irrfan Khan once again plays a police inspector, his mighty acting skills not challenged by the middling material. Neil Nitin Mukesh is passable, John Abraham is wooden in more ways than one and Katrina Kaif (according to the cleverly oiled media machine, this is the performance of her life-time) out-plastics Aishwarya Rai.
To be fair there are surprises. Like seeing the very realistic situation of a brilliant Indian student (Neil Nitin Mukesh) who came on a full scholarship to the prestigious “New York State University”, a university which has a sensational view of downtown Manhattan, reduced to driving a cab post-graduation. Like experiencing the gaping plot holes as they stun you with their gapingness. Like seeing Katrina Kaif trying to squeeze out emotion from her beautiful but impassive face. Like seeing a talented director with a decent budget and a theme which had potential lose it so completely.