Tamang (Danny Dengzopa): Ma Ka Cheeno
Ram (Imran Khan) [correcting him]: Mochachino……
And that my friends was the most entertaining moment of “Luck”, a firm reminder once again that a distributor’s strike, in today’s Bollywood, is a kiss of mercy even though it provides only a brief moment of respite before the floodgates once again open and we are assailed by a deluge of muck.
Yes I know. That rhymed.
Major (Mithun-da) : “Mujhe paison ki zaroorat hai”
Tamang (Danny) replies “Mujhe tujh jaison ki zaroorat hai”…
“Luck” is littered with such rhyme crime, clangers that becomes progressively so inane that all you want to do is to shout out, from time to time,” WHAT THE LUCK”.
No this isnt Gunda class. Not even close. Sure. There is a director whose last name is Shah. And there is Prabhuji.
But instead of zen wisdom like “Kyon tu baraf peeta hai whiskey main daalke?” there is boredom as exemplified in ” Kamra kareeb hone se insaan kareeb naheen hoti..”.
Instead of the sheer olfactory brilliance of Prabhu-ji telling Sushmita-Sandwoman in “Chingari”: ” Kitna durgandh a rahee teri shareer se” there are noxious lines like ” Wardi walon ke shareer se ek jaisi boo aata hai. Sach kahoon to bad boo” and “Saanp jaise neule ko dhoondta hai tu usi taraah unko soonkh ke nikaal le“.
Instead of the totally demented scary “amped-up-on-Vitamin Sex” morally-conflicted but always endearing, legendary Chutiya, there is an apology for a villain Raghav Kapoor (a mass murderer who is released “ba-izzat” because apparently according to Indian law, anyone who is lucky enough to have the rope break during his , even though he be a serial killer, is set free) by “method actor” Ravi Kissen whose sound-byte about the preparation he went through for the role convinced me of just one thing. He indeed is Rakhi’s elder brother when it comes to publicity-seeking “overstatement”.
My character is like many animals rolled into one. Sometimes he’s a hyena, sometimes he becomes a rabbit. I avidly watched the National Geographic Channel for weeks to understand and imbibe animal traits. This is the most complex role of my career, and thank God for my co-stars.
And finally instead of the greatest assemblage of unforgettable characters ever captured on screen as was in “Gunda” there are weird freaks.
A disco Pathan-suit wearing Mussa (Sanjay Dutt) whose luck is evidenced by his surviving running across railway tracks blindfolded during office hours and in walking free after getting booked under TADA.
A hammy Tamang (Danny) whose job description simply is “main insaan ke luck main invest karta hoon” which is Hindi for saying “I invest in mortage-backed securities and credit default swaps”.
A female camel jockey Short Kut (Chitrashi Rawat) whose dream is to drive a Lexus in Pakistan and play “Shaka Luck-a-Luck-a Boom Boom” Himesh songs full volume in it (mercifully a peace-loving shark takes a bite out of her to prevent her from making Pakistan even more disturbed than it already is).
A bored Mithun-da playing Jabar Pratap Singh whose bad luck it is to be made to repeat a line (“Koi shaq”) from a very old movie of his after every dialog delivery.
A colorless Imran Khan who should not be blaming his luck for turkeys like “Luck” and “Kidnap” but instead look at his own lack of selectiveness.
Keen readers will note how many times I have used the word “luck” so far. If you think that’s excessive, wait till you see “Luck” [I am counting you won’t].
The word “luck” is the central thesis for the movie is and this fact is driven into the audience’s head with the subtlety of a sledgehammer with one character or the other using the word “Luck” in a sentence, every three minutes.
Why is that whenever Mussa (Sanjay Dutt) want to play a “game of luck” with someone can he dive his hand into the ground and get a gun, as if guns are buried everywhere a few inches below the surface?
The answer is Luck
How come Shruti Hassan inherits her mother’s drop-dead good looks but none of her father’s acting chops?
The answer is once again “Luck”
What did the director possess, besides the ability to execute montage sequences, jump cuts and other done-to-death “sleek” editing tricks, for which even in a time of global recession someone actually put up crores of rupees for such a high-budget Lame-DUCK project?
And the answer is…..
I think you already know.
[Image courtesy: Mid-Day]