Radio—The Review

65 Comments

Acharya Jagadish Bose sits in his lab with Sambhu, his old servant and assistant, standing nearby.

Sambhu: Babu, I never quite understood why you never patented your discovery of the radio and let Marconi take all the credit. Why Babu?

Acharya Bose [wry smile]: Well there are many things you do not know about me. Like this machine I have invented called a temperoscope that enables me to look into the future. And before you say anything, no I am not going to publish this anywhere nor even tell anyone about it.

Coming back to your question. Having looked into my temperoscope I have decided I dont really want future generations to know that I was responsible for the invention of the radio.

Sambhu: Why Babu?

Bose takes a machine and projects moving images on the wall.

Acharya Bose: In 2009, many years hence, a man called Himesh will make a movie called “Radio”, a movie i.e.a story in pictures and sound. It is of such tremendous aesthetic quality that I do not want my name, in any shape of form, to be traced back from this work of art. So when people hear dialogs like “main radio ke tarah chalne lagi jinka frequency garbar ho gya” and “main pyaar ka station lagata raha to nafrat ke gaane sunai dete”  and “gaane khatam hote to negativity ke jingles shuru ho jaate hain” and lyrics like “Mann ka radio baajne de zyara” and turn around and ask “Yo dude, which cat invented this thing called the radio?” people can reply “Marconi” (and not Bose) and that bugger will get his just rewards.

Sambhu: Will people in 2009 speak like this?

Acharya Bose: Evidently. Or the powers-that-be behind the making of this “Movieee” write dialog like that under the impression that such moronic brutalization of the language, along with showing Facebook Walls and Tarantino-like “chapters”, makes ‘Radio’  contemporary and with-it. Yep. “Confidence ka spelling badalke ho gaye confusion”. “Kabhi senti kar de, kabhi mad bana de”. “Band jo baaje tera. Funda hain yeh life ka.”” Full-too attitude”. And of course my personal favorite: a person is referred to as a “genetic cocktail.”

Sambhu: So does this “Radio” have a story Babu?

Acharya Bose: The movie begins thusly. In 1979, a son is born in the back seat of the Ambassador, a tank-like car which even we today consider as old technology but which people in India will still use, right at the moment the radio announces the death of famous hockey player Dhyanchand——strongly hinting that the baby born,  Vivaan (played by Himesh) is the re-incarnation of Dhyanchand.

Sambhu: In that he is a wooden wizard.

Acharya Bose: He then grows up to be a most famous Radio Jockey answering questions on air like “Whats the meaning of true love man?” By the way, what I am doing telling you the story? There is no story.

Sambhu: But did you not say a movieeee is a story in moving pictures and sound?

Acharya Bose: It is “movie”. Not movieee. And yes you are right. But a Himesh movie is not about a story or a plot. Which is why talking about it is useless. It has one basic law, the essential axiom that one must accept as an universal truth.

Namely Himesh is the most awesome man on the earth.  Within the first few minutes of the movie, we are told his character drives the best of cars and he is “awaaz se famous”. Reporters thrust mics in his face wanting to know about his life. His ex-wife, who cannot forget him of course, tells him he sings well. Like his previous movies, “Radio” exists solely to establish this basic axiom to those people who still do not believe. Which is why most of the scenes are about two attractive women fighting over him, his ex-wife Pooja who made the cosmic mistake of leaving him and Shania played by Shenaz Treasurywallah…

Sambhu: Treasurywallah? The person who signs rupee notes saying I promise to pay the bearer the sum of Rupee one?

Acharya Bose (ignoring Sambhu’s impertinence): And which is why the visuals are all about Himesh looking slowly into the camera and staring into it while pouting. This I gather is  supposedly a sensuous act which evidently emits high energy electromagnetic radiation that travel through walls and force outer orbital electrons of women to make quantum jumps in the process ionizing their hearts to create “Plasma Dil” (which very well might be the name of a Himesh movie in the future). The only break in this “stare at the camera and marvel at my awesomeness” pattern is when the dreamy quotient of the man is sought to be further amplified when he, with his multiple frequency oscillators implanted in his throat, lets loose what we are told is “singing” but I define as an electromagnetic boom, like solar flares, that emit radiation spanning the spectrum so powerful that  men, birds, animals and ghosts stop in their track, the earth’s magnetic poles start shifting, planets deviate from their orbits and aliens in every sector of the universe interpret this as the earth’s declaration of war on creation.

Sambhu (scared): But Babu should you be then seeing the future like this? This guy’s singing seems to be serious very serious.

Acharya Bose: Well I use this for my experiments. Remember Aldous Huxley-sahab came and I demonstrated the crescograph and showed how plants react to pain and grow to pleasant music. Well I use this guy’s music and movies to observe the reaction of plants to extreme pain, many magnitudes higher than if they were wrenched out by their roots. I can tell you this Sambhu that not only did the plants scream like you would not believe when “Radio” ran in the same room as they were but strange effects are manifested—evergreen trees lost their leaves, branches got twisted and normal plants started eating insects. I will tell you that based on what I have seen I am really scared of the earth in 2010. So scared even I have not dared to see the great man’s next assault on English and civilization titled “A Love Isshtory” through the temperoscope.

Sambhu: I understand now Babu. I really do. Should I now make you afternoon tea?

Acharya Bose: U No Wat Sam. Make me some mocha frappachino. Just wanna baithe baithe chill for some time.

Reminder: Please vote for Random Thoughts of a Demented Mind  in Category 1 and Category 5 at the Indibloggies. ] (More details about the Indibloggies awards here

Advertisements

65 thoughts on “Radio—The Review

  1. Good one. What is also strange is that the not so sucessful actors (Himesh, aftab etc etc) actually go and experiment pretty easily while the Heroes and sucessful ones stick to the tries themes of either college romances or me good – you bad themes.

  2. “evergreen trees lost their leaves, branches got twisted and normal plants started eating insects”

    Wow, this aptly describes how I feel when hearing Mr Himesh.

  3. dada…. since no one has commented yet …..think you might answer my question…..i am into advertisement(just started)…..is it ok if i can draw inspiration( or just copy a few lines) from your blogs?

  4. Well GB da, Himesh’s singing cannot be explained in any better way. Extremely fantastic I say. Reading this made me emit, as Himesh would, “Laadoo Motichoorwaale Manawa Mein Phute”

  5. ohgod hahahaha. this is the funniest thing i read today. butbutbut, i checked out the mann ka radio song, and i dunno if it’s just my prolonged lack of contact with park circus autowallahs who’re prolly HR’s biggest patrons, but have you noticed that he seems to have toned down his signature nasal twang to quite an extent?

  6. i can’t believe tht people actually go and see his ‘movieeeeees’! but yeah seeing and writing abt it this way is good use! we can read something fun!

  7. No reviews of the historical masterpiece “Pazhassi Raja” ? Please watch it with subtitles …but don’t miss it. Such Malayalam movies rival Bengali ones in their flair and content.

  8. More like “stare at camera and marvel at my collagen injections and hair plugs”. Manana padega Himesss bhai, kya hair transplant hai. Sallu would be jealous.

  9. just read abt acharya bose on wikipedia…want to know more abt him.. He is so inspiring…he was so ahead of his times.. one of the greatest indian..why are we so unaware about our own heroes!!!

  10. Good one….I’d love to see Himesh and the great KRK working together…..and that movie being directed by Kanti Shah.. 🙂

  11. Bose is nothing before Himesji’s magnificience – how can you conflate the two. One was this nerdy, little guy tinkering about with some wires and plants and stuff. The other is awesomeness personified. Where would radio be without Himesh to make it popular?

    On another note, we know Himesh is beyond mundane question like acting ability, but how were the actresses? I kind of liked Sonal Sehgal when she was on TV. But Shenaz Treasurewalla is open-mouthed, Bambi-eyed smile makes me want to knock her teeth back down her throat.

  12. Great going dada! I bow to thy creativity. Himesh’s vocal prowess spans across the entire sonic spectrum and your post attests to it.

    (Patentable idea: Can we use his voice as mosquito/insect repellent ?)

  13. @ G.B
    May be H.M got a boon from the ‘king of ghosts’?
    +
    You have to watch movie ‘2012’, if you havent already, just for Jimmy Mistry.. please dont miss.

    @ Seemanta
    What an idea! We can blare his voice at the borders to stop infiltration.

  14. Probably a more than fair assessment of the film, but is it just me that actually LIKED the sooundtrack? I thought it was an interesting departure for Himesh, and the few songs you see on the TV seemed pretty good even to a confirmed former Himesh-hater like me.

  15. GB how could you manage to watch the whole moviee, you surely got nerves of steel ,i’d have to visit a shrink after watching a moviee starring that nasal dude

  16. Ishaan Trivedi who wrote Radio,

    [Himesh has done a wonderful job in Radio. People will be surprised to see his performance. There have been many actors who have become actors after spending years in other fields…A Shah Rukh Khan or an Aamir Khan will not shine in a bad script. The same goes for Himesh. He needs a good script to help him prove himself as an actor. It depends on the sensibilities of the director…
    Since I have worked with some of the best actors, I can vouch for Himesh and say that he is no less than Irrfan or Aamir. He has a great passion for acting and high levels of energy.]

    Need we say more?

  17. @ Paradise Lost

    Thank you for the link.
    The last few paragraphs from Swami Yogananda talking about Vaishshika (Nyaya Vaisheshika school of Hindu Darshana) are very interesting.

    JC Bose’s life and efforts need more visibility.

  18. Hi Greatbong. Have you removed your immortal 1-900-Hotties from the blog? Was searching a lot. Couldnt find it though!!

  19. And i think the patent dispute was resolved in Tesla’s name in the dispute between Tesla and Marconi on wireless telegraphy. Also I think Tesla was before JC Bose in conceiving the idea.
    I guess though most people dont know what a awesome genius Tesla was and how he was the greatest inventor world would ever see ( but doesnt remember).

  20. u seem to be grt fan of heeeeemessssssssssss…….u made his movieeee so funny that after the assault of de dana dan i feel radio wud hv been better to watch for laugh riots

  21. “Like his previous movies, “Radio” exists solely to establish this basic axiom to those people who still do not believe.”

    he he – nail on the head…. I wonder how so many people actually invest money in his movies believing this to be true…

  22. Hey…i read ur masterpeice while i was in office and when i came back to my den i saw this as the breakingnews on CNN-IBN.

    “HIMESH RESHAMIA is buying his own movie tickets to make it a hit”…
    Hail Himesh !! Hail CNN IBN !! Hail Mithun !!

  23. who is the greatest fan of Himesh ? Guess……….. Himesh himself. 🙂 BTW, today’s newspaper had a news about this movie claiming only the production house and HR are buying tickets in bulk to show that movie is doing well.

  24. Isn’t this Shenaz Treasurywallah the same person who used to be a VJ at MTV back in the late 90s under the name Shehnaz Daruwallah? Or is it just a sheer coincidence a-la Bollywood that both of them look identical?

  25. B.R.I.L.L.I.A.N.T

    Havent seen the movie yet.

    @Vinayak – Why would production buy tickets? Doesn’t that mean spending more money? Even I saw the article, but didnt read it.

  26. But how does that help, if they spend more? People dont go watch simply because others are watching it. People watch if others say its good, no?

  27. @ contra

    Spot on dude…TESLA was indeed awarded the patent for radio in 1942 by the US supreme court…btw TESLA had the highest number of patents on the moon rocket..50 years after his death…basically he invented everything.

    Without Tesla we would still be in the Victorian age.

    Bose was a genius too and just like Tesla he has not even got 0.001% of the credit they deserve. One of Boses little inventions actually made satellite communications possible/efficient.

  28. You never cease to amaze 😀 Wish you were writing some scripts for our poor Hindi film makers who waste their moolah on crap like this. I have nothing against Himesh, and I haven’t ventured to watch any of his movieees yet, but I wonder how he manages to have such a loyal fan following. (Surprised? Me too)

    The Indian youth really needs a real hero they can relate too. Why can’t there be movies like The Blind Side or The Pursuit of Happiness? Why can’t the heroes be more realistic, more often. The fantastic make-believe is painful. If I’m looking to get inspired, I will have to pick carefully. Good old days of movie making when there used to be a tight plot. God, show me a miracle and someone please share a list of must-watch contemporary Hindi movies. I’m dying to watch a good old Hindi film. I have watched those Hrisikesh Mukherjee’s family flicks n times over.

    And yeah’ ‘ …men, birds, animals and ghosts stop in their track’ is a good way to put it. Count Dracula is turning in his grave.

  29. @greatbong Why do you mention that permission is required to re-use your stuff. Aren’t the terms and conditions laid down by the CC license you have applied to your blog?

    saying its a good review would be an understatement for one of the most popular bloggers I guess, but it amuses me how everyday topics still have an appeal, especially i suppose when a bit of info tidbits also are sprinkled on.

Have An Opinion? Type Away

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s