Main karigaar hoon, mere haath mein auzaar a jaye main khud aapni kismat talash loonga” said Ram Avtar (Rajesh Khanna) in the movie “Avtar”, a line which inspired Archimedes to once exclaim “Give me a lever and I shall move the world” which in turn inspired a great golfer to exclaim to a bar waitress “Move my lever and I shall give you the world”.
Those of you who have a mind for history will recall how Ram Avtar, using just a wrench brought by his devoted son Sewak (Sachin), made an amazing carburetor, jo “patrol ki problem ko kafi had tak solve kiya hai” [Video]. We all know that this led to the growth of Avtar industries, Avtar mills and a bunch of other corporations all of whom had the name Avtar in the them. What is not so well known is that under the patronage of Ram Avtar II (played once again by Rajesh Khanna) in the sequel to Avtar called Aaj Ka MLA Ram Avtar, these companies attained global and ultimately galactic reach.
In Avatar, James Cameron continues the Avtar saga by adding an “a” to “Avtar” just the way he added an s to Alien and made it into Aliens.
A mysterious planet called Pandora, the kind of place Vadodara would be if people always watched blue films, is the target of Avtar Industries (now transformed into an evil corporation over years of having the malignant Sewak on its board) which seeks to obtain a mysterious ore called Bindoo’s Eye, a million dollars an ounce.
The problem is that an indigenous tribal population, with blue skin called Navis, sits there right on top of the mining reserves (a city they call Navi-Mumbai) and they stubbornly refuse to move. In order to infiltrate the tribals and solve the problem before the dreaded Trinamool Congress moves in to the area (which as the universe knows means the end of all development), the Avtar corporation recruits an actor of very moderate talent, Ram Worthington (played by who else but Rajesh Khanna) to do a Matrix-plugged-in-thingy wherein Ram will assume the avatar (or body) of a tribesman and try to infiltrate the Navis as “one of them.” Why does Ram agree to do this? So that the corporation will restore his legs and his liver, both of which he lost how exactly Ram himself does not know since he keeps on singing “Yeh kya hua kaise hua, kyon hua, kab hua..”.
Once blue himself, he is taken under the wings of the waif-like Nuvi princess Naitiri, played with lithe agility by Asha Parekh” as Ram and Naitiri gambol, in glorious 3D, all over the landscape of Pandora. This naturally involves a lot of running around trees, some “main gir jayoongi main mar jayoongi agar tu ne thaam na liya” jumping off cliffs and the taming of wild animals as mounts, in a very curious way that resembles courtship more than anything else (The mount chooses the mountee in an exclusive violent ritual which culminates in a locking of body-parts) as man and animal forge a bond that is reminiscent of the type of connection shared between the hero (played by Rajesh Khanna) and the elephant in “Haathi Mere Saathi”.
However the evil corporation wants Bindoo’s Eye and soon the human army, led by a buffed-up Prem Chopra, is on the move.
Presently Ram is torn between the urge to get his legs back and to shake his head romantically on one side and close his eyes half-shut on the other.
Soon a set of events is set in motion wherein Bush-Iraq rhetoric and a watered-down “They may take our lives but they shall never take our freedom” Braveheart speech is thundered over Digital Dolby, the spirit of the forest (Arundhati Roy) makes her presence felt, the digital bird from Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon saves the day, Ripley from Aliens fights for the Aliens this time, more trees are uprooted than done to give the President a pleasant trip, Chota Chetan (Bhagat) pops out at a crucial point to say ” Hey this is a 3D movie and so it is my idea” and an epic maha-sangram begins between Navi and humankind, with the consequence as unpredictable as the fate of Titanic after it struck an iceberg, with the crowd standing up and clapping when with explosions exploding everywhere and the odds stacked against the tribals, Ram (Rajesh Khanna) roars —- “Pushpa you know I effin cannot stand tears”.
Avatar is not so much a movie as it is an amusement park ride.
Beautiful. Lush. Huge.
Like Mumtaz.
But at its heart it is as original, profound and as subtle as Avtar and Aaj Ka MLA Ram Avtar.
Of course not that anyone is complaining. I certainly am not. Paisa wasool.
The Greatbong Blog & Podcast 
Ha ha ha ha
abhi ja raha hu dekhne chashma lagake
I agree wholeheartedly. If you’re really talking about path breaking visuals then Matrix was far more path breaking than this. A movie is ultimately about telling a story. And this one sucked at it with it’s stupid pop philosophy.
Happy to see my hometown, Vadodara, being mentioned. Rest all are just details. 🙂
maybe Ram Worthington fled to Pandora because he was charged with statutory rape on Earth for marrying an under-age Dimple
😛
pulled a Roman Polanski
on a galactic scale
🙂
totally, totally, totally agree with you! 🙂
Hilarious!
Not your best form. But two take-aways from this visit.
1 – “Beautiful. Lush. Huge. Like Mumtaz.”
Now that is brilliance. A Dave Barry moment.
2 – Someone in the comments space who seems to admire the Matrix series dissing the “stupid pop philosophy” of “Avatar”.
We are not worthy!
J.A.P.
this deserved an actual review 😦
Avatar has combined the worst of Matrix and Jurassic Park!
And to make maximum profit, it is essential that maximum people watch it! So story line (i m in a hurry so don’t know how to address term the story when it is not really present in the movie) has been kept very simple.
But all its defects are made good by the (3D and CGI) effects 🙂
Ritika,
This was as much review as the movie deserved. As I said this is less a movie and more a ride in a theme park. How can you review a merry-go-round or a roller-coaster?
Avatar is not so much a movie as it is an amusement park ride.
This about sums it up, methinks. 🙂
Beautiful. Lush. Huge.
Like Mumtaz.
I still cant stop laughing at this.
i am glad i am not the only one who thought the movie sucked.
can’t believe the same cameron guy gave us Terminator.
Hi was waiting for your review. Was tired of the over hype surrounding this movie. And when the Man Blue proposes the female blue, I just felt Balraj Sahani would have had lesser clichés when he proposed his female lead during his days… well you cant expect people to be awed by the technological feast anymore, 2012 was miserable in the same context I thought.
Mate… your style of writing is truly legendary, it gives me bliss, such a relief from the hackneyed stuff we get to see day in and day out. Belated B’day wishes and hope your book does great and makes you scale dizzier altitudes…
Good laugh! As usual.
Good laugh! As usual. And I agree with your “amusement park-joy ride” thing.
Right-on…liked it!
Avatar plot is inspired by Kaka’s Namak Haraam where he was planted by Big B into factory workers to uproot them. Same to same…. :).
The film had its flaws
-The dialogues were cheezy.
-Pandora had too much flourescence (Cameron never gave up his fascination for the irediscent since Abyss)
-The Navi females needed to be more voluptuous (damn you Cameron)
-The Navi indulged in body part locking for too many reasons, except for when they actually needed to lock body parts (again… damn you Cameron)
But those helihovers…gorgous
The Russian coaxial rotors married to the American VSTOL Osprey design….brilliant.
good review
dont know how some people are believing that its as good as matrix or star wars
I agree that this is more of an amusement ride an not a movie in terms of story. But you were not clear as to whether you liked the ride or not. :).
Greatbong,
I have been folloing your blog for more than 4 years now. I sincerely think humour from your posts is gone. I still remember late evening reading your blog on Mithunda’a Gunda and laughing, I forarded the link to my friends at the same time.
Now a days reading your post is really hard work..
Avatar is not so much a movie as it is an amusement park ride.
Beautiful. Lush. Huge.
Like Mumtaz.
ha ha ha ha, freakin awesome…that was a classic
“We all know that this led to the growth of Avtar industries, Avtar mills and a bunch of other corporations all of whom had the name Avtar in the them.”
Not true – there was also a Sevak Industries.
@gretbong
Chota Chetan (Bhagat) pops out at a crucial point to say ” Hey this is a 3D movie and so it is my idea”
oh, so your idol chota thief aamir khan is in 3 idiots therefore it is perfectly all right that chota chetan bhagat is not given proper credit. i hope oneday somebody will make a film on your novel may i hebb your…and give as much credit as bhagat has given(i.e in end credits below action director, still, project head and many other tom, dick and harry), read an article on this controversy by vir sanghvi.
@gretbong
Chota Chetan (Bhagat) pops out at a crucial point to say ” Hey this is a 3D movie and so it is my idea”
oh, so your idol chota thief aamir khan is in 3 idiots therefore it is perfectly all right that chota chetan bhagat is not given proper credit. i hope oneday somebody will make a film on your novel may i hebb your…and give as much credit as bhagat has given(i.e in end credits below action director, still, project head and many other tom, dick and harry), read an article on this controversy by vir sanghvi.
What is Bandar Kilometeres?? (see video!)
Ha ha ha ha !!! I loved the Navi Mumbai bit ….
And yes, I loved the film for it’s total time pass entertainment. And the fact that it was not 3D for the sake of 3D like the last Harry Potter film.
James Cameron is a genius.
Paisa Wasoooool.
Hey Arnab,
I would like to purchase the rights of your book to make a movie ,
The movie title is “Three Thieves ”
However it is going to be only 5% of your book .
Please contact me
VVC
Please stick to reviewing bollywood movies.
Avatar deserves more than what you give credit for, definitely more than ‘paisa vasool’. For me, it was a stunning visual experience with a relevant message. My favorite movie of the year!
The only thing I understood in your review is the Mumtaz bit 😉
Arnab,
I always like the writings in your blog and particularly your reviews. However w.r.t avatar I have to disagree. I found the film to be of the topmost category. Apart from a well written story, the visuals and technological breakthroughs are amazing.
Hey…movie has made me think..and i think Mamta is anti-development coz she is the Eywa of WB..hehehe..lol
haha .. trust you to bring in rajesh khanna, asha parekh and company in avatar review !! but then brilliantly done ..
haha haha
a great golfer to exclaim to a bar waitress “Move my lever and I shall give you the world”.Did you notice that you share birthdays? 😉
ha ha what a post lush beautiful lush like mumtaz
Is this really written by GB or is it GB’s Navi version? I’m still searching for the laughs…
totally funny..
And I am from Navi mumbai ..But i dont know where can i find the blue skinned beauties !! 😛
You Literally suck Arnab,I dont find ur Posts to be Humorous , I have to Force myself to laugh , don’t prove ur fans wrong write something Sensible or Laughable
Superb!
Fantastic!!
Mind Blowing!!!
Historyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
your review not the movie!
@DJ,
So you have perceived Aamir Khan to be my idol. Wonder where that came from? I find it particularly amusing that if you find SRK to be hammy or find Chetan Bhagat to be in the wrong then you are automatically a fan of Aamir Khan. Brilliant.
As to the rest of your comment. I sincerely hope your good wishes come true and someone makes a movie on one of my novels (not MIHYAP since it is not primarily fiction). And when that happens please also hope that I have the good sense to read through the contract I am signing. I was hoping to post on this but then Gaurav Sabnis, who may also be a secret Aamir Khan admirer and enemy of SRK and in the pay of [insert name here] put down everything so brilliantly that there was nothing more to be said. For your perusal, http://gauravsabnis.blogspot.com/2010/01/chetan-bhagat-voice-of-india-and.html
Great Bong, you did not review avatar, as in Avatar- The review? Found it a bit lame.
Laughing so hard….Arundhati Roy as the Forest spirit….:-)…brilliant.
Hollywood is making Avatar when we’ve already made eleven Avatars :- Kaka’s Avtar and Kamal Hasan’s Dasavatharam.
And, as someone commented on the rediff messageboard, this one doesn’t even have Kaka’s special effects 🙂
Hey GreatBing you have to take a look at this blog…It is about a white man appreciating the posteriors of brown cricketers through stumovision cameras..Absolutely Chanceless!!!
http://briyanshu.blogspot.com/
@Shaswata,
I thank you. From the bottom of my…err…heart.
Watsup GB??? I think you have recruited someone else to write here no! You cant be this lame!
Chota Chetan (Bhagat) pops out at a crucial point to say ” Hey this is a 3D movie and so it is my idea” LOL 😀
Good article on why some people of a particular country hate it…
http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/news/la-et-bigpicture5-2010jan05,0,5932910.story
“Move my lever and I shall give you the world”.
– Almost fell off my chair reading this line :D. Simply brilliant, GB ! And my personal opinion for this movie is same as yours – full paisa wasool, for the VFX, if not for the story.
~seemanta
Kya angle hai .. Avtar aur Avatar !!
Bhai maan gaye aapki writing aur James Cameron ki movie .. dono ko.
I agree with the amusement park ride.
Maybe it’s me, but this entire post seems labored.
hey guys, some cynicals now days act more like mamata banerjee, condemning any new development on the move.
I think Avatar is one of the best movies ever made. It is not only the story but the intensity of experience capable to leave people spellbound, that what scores a movie. I think the movie should be praised for the endeavers on 3D technology(advanced not some out-of-mill) which is a new stepping stone for better movies to emerge and lots of effort and time has been spent on that. The storey-line was equally good and appealing much much better than stereo-type movie stories now-days.
I am waiting for the sequel anyway.
Common GB..give some credit to 12 yrs of hardship for making the film…
Dear GB
I agree with few of the comments here…I have been an avid fan of your blog for the past few years and have to say this with a heavy heart that you are losing the zing.Compared to gems like 1-800-hottie and the mithun series your recent posts have been very bland…..waiting for your book.
srikant
“Beautiful. Lush. Huge. Like Mumtaz.”
shows ur brilliance once again!! ROFL!!
u rock man!!
Congrats to OUR Kakaji- SUPER STAR RAJESH KHANNA – We want to tell you how proud we are for Lifetime achievement Award once again. We wish you similar success in the future.
RAJESH KHANNA – THE GREATEST LIVING LEGEND AND THE REAL & ONLY SUPER STAR OF INDIAN CINEMA TILL TODAY.
There are romantic leading men and there are romantic leading men, but very few have taken cinematic love to legendary heights. While there might be other icons but Super-Star- Actor Rajesh Khanna after four decades, he is the ultimate true romantic legend.
Archimedes: Give me a lever and I shall move the world”
great golfer to exclaim to a bar waitress “Move my lever and I shall give you the world”.
– Priceless…
One jumped out of bath tub and ran into streets naked shouting “Eureka”
The other jumped into a bath tub naked and the whole world shouted Eureka..
Waiting fr the review of 3 idiots
“Men in Blue” gets a whole new meaning.
Liking or disliking a movie is a matter of personal taste. But even with absolute ‘kaora’ posts, you had the capacity to make people, even those who disagreed with you, see your perspective of something. Not anymore it seem.
One laboriously contrived post, you tried to tickle us into laughing. You just don’t need to write meaningless stuff for the sake of it – you’re so much better than this.
I liked Avatar quite a bit … without comparing with Matrix or whatever. And most of your post made little or no sense to me – not because I liked and you apparently didn’t. But because it wasn’t even clear what you were trying to say.
hi just saying that sometimes a movie as a spectacle works for people who like movies to be pure entertainment too. i mean in a weird way i like sanjay leela bhansali’s devdas just for the damn spectacle. art direction has its own feel and then fo such a movie you need a simple story. i know you will jump and say star wars, star wars. but this like titanic was meant to dazzle us, take us a for a ride to a world only a creative person with a vision can see and he wanted to show you what he saw. why should it be anything else but that at rs. 250 a ticket. and anyways people were paying that much for 3 citizen kanes in college which if made in hollywood would have been summarily dismissed as a rom_com.
hi arnab,
am reading you for the first time,after seeing you quoted in prem panickers blog.i really enjoyed it. the similarity was hiliarious. The movie you must accept was a visual treat and the oscars on those categories was well deserved.but the story if you are not into the green movement is difficult to appreciate.
lekha