UV Radiation

IPL 3.0 really came to life in the match between Chennai Sooperr Kings and King’s macho XI when Yuvraj Singh, the prince with a paunch, reverse-swept Murali for four, took the smile off the face of Chennai’s sexiest cheer-leader Krishnamachari Srikkanth and then shouted to the world, like a raging bull in full cry,  “Today I am finally getting some !!!”  while in the background, lesser lights like Chawla were seen asking, with an earnestness bordering on sadness— “Aur mere liye?”

It’s this kind of  Nityananda “entertainment ka baap” moments that we want from IPL —-not things like Murali Katrik using loop and flight to prevent Dravid from going inside-out kind of crickety stuff.

After KKR, the King’s XI is my favorite IPL team. While KKR resembles a team of stately elder  gentlemen in a hospice waiting for death to come, King’s XI is like a team of high school boys, high on testosterone, under the stewardship of a hot geography teacher with each stereotype of the school sports team finding representation—-the handsome (Irfan), once-handsome (Yuvraj), the corpulent (Ramesh Powar), the chikna (Chawla), the talentless-who-owes-his-place-in-team-to-friend (Kaif) and the utterly pyscho (Sreesanth).

But all this till next season where my likings will once again be re-aligned as players are re-distributed and two more franchises come into the mix—–Kochi Krotchuggers and Pune Punies or whatever they will choose to call themselves. The insane amount of money thrown into buying these two cities is of course the talk of the town with many people with a keen interest in religion talking of Lalit Modi as an avatar of Kuber. But what aroused my interest was the Shashti Twittoor backed Rendezvous group of whom no one had heard much of. I suspect, like many others, that this might be front for  Simi Garewal and the team strategy might consist of creating a group of zombies in white, who will whisper in people’s ears their motto—“We may reveal our gameplans but never our age”. I recommend Shahid Afridi, the ageless, to be the captain for this franchise. Sreesanth is frankly better off where he is.

The Pune franchise going to the Sahara group was disappointing. Because I personally was rooting for Saif-Kareena. Not just because then Pune would fill its team with size-0 cricketers like Agarkar, but because there is no sight more entertaining in the world (other than Shahrukh Khan waving to his devotees with that smug look on his face) than to see Kareena and Saif’s public displays of affection as Saif looks to the camera with a “See how hot my girl-friend is” and Kareena flutters her eyelids “See how hot I am”— a sight I am sure we would have seen every strategic break.

Ah well. Life is not perfect.

But then again, sometimes it is. (Picture courtesy Anandabazar)

53 thoughts on “UV Radiation

  1. Your last two posts have been absolutely terrific! Keep it up.

  2. Stop Twitting or stop blogging. You are increasingly giving away the plot in your tweets. However “Kochi Krotchuggers” was good

  3. I like IPL; you get hyperactive!

  4. kolkata girl stuck in usa March 22, 2010 — 6:15 am

    arnab da…your IPL posts are simply amazing..!! i think your cynicism and humour takes its best form when discussing cricket and bollywood especially SRK and Dada ( both of whom i personally love yet enjoy your take on them too)….
    i wonder where you watch the IPL matches because youtube does not stream live in the US…hence i have been forced to watch highlights and matches after a certain delay..

    p.s: waiting excitedly to read your book… never before have i waited so desperately for a book..!! should be delivered this week!!

  5. kolkata girl stuck in usa March 22, 2010 — 6:16 am

    lalit modi as kuber..!!! lmao…!!!

  6. Kolkata girl stuck in USA,

    I am right now in India till next week and hence can watch the IPL games as it happens right on SET Max with all the advertisements and the ruminations of knowledgeable anchors like Saba Karim and Arun Lal —something that is essential for the full IPL experience.

  7. These IPL tweets and posts have been much more interesting than the (mostly) one sided matches so far. I’m particularly glad about pictures like these making a comeback to RTDM! Besides the writing I thought the pictures were a cut above, and they were conspicuous by their absence:)

  8. the match was indeed crazy and all I felt hilarious is there in this post of yours – Paunch Prince, the talentless-who-owes-his-place-in-team-to-friend – Kaif, Chikna Chawla…

    Have you noticed how he just stays around wherever his owner is. And when she’s in the dug out invariably it is chikna chawla who is sitting next to her smug with a look of a boy smitten by his class teacher…

    And did you see Yuvi’s walk back after that risky reverse sweep. He was actually walking like he was heading straight to his owner to give her some!!!

    Really funny this IPL business.

  9. Arnab da, why don’t you give us some tidbits of “ruminations of knowledgeable anchors like Saba Karim and Arun Lal “…. we can’t see those here 😦

    May be a post featuring those…

  10. See GB, even Mohan noticed what I did. That your recent few posts have seen you write like the way a seasoned Test player bats in T20- with wantonness and sheer abandon. The adrenaline is so very palpable. Keep it up!

  11. another classic demented piece vented by the underrepresented on the overrepresented and often dissented 🙂

  12. Awsome post GB…quite frankly your best for some time…it is these gems which make me come back to your blog time n time again…let the show go on..

  13. Kochi Krotchugger: I Guess I am supposed to find it funny, GB’s yet another dash of humor aimed at a private part/sexual orientation

  14. Some news channel interviewed Sreesanth after the Kochi-Pune news. Says,
    “I would love to play for Kerala because there is nothing like playing for a home team. I love Punjab and really enjoy playing for the Punjab team in IPL, but when you have your own state team, anyone would like to play for that.”
    Fingers crossed hoping that Appam Chutiya captains Kochi Krotchuggers!

  15. Ravi Shastri was at his worst in yesterday’s match of CSK vs K11P…
    He refered to Irfan Pathan as Yusuf Pathan..Maybe that was a slip of tongue..
    But after the match got tied he said that there will be a toss to decide who bats 1st in the superover..
    Is he that dumb that he doesnt even know that the chasing team bats 1st in the superover…

  16. Rajasthan royals and Kings XI shall play off for 7th-8th place this time. KKR 6th.

  17. Though i enjoyed your book i did miss these naughty pictures.Maybe we will be reading your next book with a iPad where you can embed videos and other naughty stuff(I miss those ridiculous Bhojpuri videos).Till then keep blogging.Adios

  18. Detailed update on your Kolkata book launch pl.

  19. Yuvi finally got the hug!! Now his life is worth living all over again. Something even the prospective players of Pune would have loved to have – not hugs from Preity for losing against KXIP – from Kareena’s 0 sized and Saif’s 3 sized boobs!

  20. Utter psycho he is! Have this weird feeling that KKR would have been picture perfect with the presence of Appam!

  21. Back to the funniest GB-best!
    keep them coming.

  22. Dear Arnab,

    Awesome post. You are really at your best while writing about cricket and movies. Keep up the good work!
    BTW, don’t u think that Irfan is rather unlucky to be sidelined by the selectors again and again. I think he is a better bet than his brother, whom i find totally unreliable while batting.

  23. for me the most favorite moment during the IPL is when during the over ,on the scoreboard ,they show us Gambhir saying “Tera hai” and Sehwag replying “Nahi Tera hai”. I guess they were talking about the Delhi Daredevils captaincy(But how did Dinesh Karthik came into the picture). And why does it makes Akshay Kumar laugh as if he were auditioning for Goofy’s voice in the next Disney film. Ussko Jumbo ke baad seekh nahi mili kya??

  24. Great Explainer March 22, 2010 — 3:47 pm

    Some people have yet to get out of their cognitive dissonance about Kochi’s winning bid. Come on, people. Get over it. Kochi is a part of India too.

  25. funny post as always GB. But when you refer to kaif as talentless and being in the team bcos of friend (Yuvi is it?), i found it offensive. it is one thing saying the guy sucks but when you allege favouritism, it is cruel and offensive.

  26. awesome ramblings mate..wonder what’s the processor of that demented mind is for all the tamasha it unleashes. its very similar to Sachin Tendulkar having more than two shots for a similar kind of delivery, its tougher than that proverbial 3 idiot s***m i guess for these thoughts to compete against each other and allowing the best to come out…should also be so easy and effortless now this system of demented thought process..
    Nice to see you mention about Rayudu in some article, an awesome talent subject to the suppressings of local politics. i also worry for Irfan Pathan, dont think Dhoni likes him so much and often goes for that now toothless hit me hard ya friend of his in RP Singh.

    and as for KKR guess they should get rid of Ganguly and if its inevitable for Ganguly to be associated with KKR then he should be given a role of a Coach, guess the Bengal Association is only adding pressure on Ganguly to perform.. It’s strange because in all three editions of IPL all teams had their share of glory wherein after a decent amount of matches they at least thretened to be a serious contender for the semi final spot and KKR is the only exception i guess… the clown and his antics are not for the gentlemen sport i guess, awaiting ur jottings for KKRs venture against Mumbai..

  27. @GB,
    I found this on net. Maybe it will interest you.


  28. See?? I knew.. now your mind is free so you are getting more humor and sarcasm from it… keep it free man…

  29. kochi could be called ‘flaming kallaries’ and have orange uniforms….
    did u notice new resident cricket expert suniel” i am an allrounder” shetty during post match interviews after KKR-MI match?

    wonder who’s next?

  30. Arnab da,
    You are simply amazing! And these IPL stuffs are even better!!

    One concern from my side – I have ordered your book in the LANDMARK site on March 15 with another book (The Gamechangers). That book got delivered within 3 days, but you book hadn’t come. What should I do now? The customer care number of Landmark is engaged all the time..
    Can you please suggest somethhing ? Thanks ! ~ RG

  31. Rajarshi,

    There is nothing I can do with respect to Landmark customer service unfortunately.

  32. Sowmik Sengupta March 23, 2010 — 7:45 am

    Expecting a post on yesterday’s KKR ordeal

  33. Arnab da,

    Okay! Let me wait before letting my attention to you ! LoL !!

    Also waiting to get a new post on Mumbai Hungama y’day..

  34. @sid

    Ravi Shastri also incorrectly said 5 balls remaining when only 4 really were. Twice.

  35. Bong Da,

    I want you do a financial analysis of teams that are /will be making profits in IPL….

    This looks like a drunken party to me ,waiting to be busted.

    Do you think IPL investments are fruitful for the owners?

    300 + Million USD bullshit…that too from a group that is heavily in debt..

    Hope ,No one is looking at sahara’s books..

  36. @Rajarshi,

    I contacted Landmark online and gave their your email-id. This is what they said.

    Yes, the book was off stock, so we shipped the gamechangers prior to May I
    Hebb your attention please.

    I have posted this to customer support who will be responding to the
    customer now.

    In another follow up email Landmark said that all Landmark online’s copies of MIHAYP have sold out. Hence the delay.

  37. Thanks very much Arnab da.. I was stochastically definite that I am going to have some positive response from YOU 🙂
    Better late than never to get a copy of MIHAYP..

  38. Good show with the post and the fact that MIHYAP is sold-out in most places! Happy for your success.

  39. I too couldnt find the Intl Inst of Dreamers post.
    Its quite sad that posts on the Blog which share content with the book are being deleted.

  40. Hi Arnab,

    I bought your book yesterday evening & was over with it by night time…n was left yearning for more 🙂 Though i grew up primarily in the 90s, I found the book hugely humourous as well as indirectly insightful into how we have evolved as a nation. Keep up the good work… Looking forward to more books…n even more blog entries from you!

  41. @GB
    “In another follow up email Landmark said that all Landmark online’s copies of MIHAYP have sold out. Hence the delay.”

    Somebody would be smiling like a cheshire cat !!!

  42. is that last picture of modi leering at shetty real? or is it photoshop!

    in any case it’s hilarious…the way he’s checking her out.. lol!

  43. IPL matches are best watched on mute, the commentary is so bad. Anyway, when ODIs began, I am sure the same cries of the bastardization of cricket were announced (although that did not happen). This time though, cricket has truly taken a back seat to drama. I don’t know how it will recover.

  44. Great post…. but one point I object to. Why belittle Pune?? I’m a fan of yours but a Puneite at heart…n love the city as much as you love Kolkata.

  45. Ratish, Why do you think there was any attempt to belittle Pune? Do you think I belittle Kolkata? Did you think I belittled Kochi?

  46. “ruminations of knowledgeable anchors like Saba Karim and Arun Lal ”
    for one dot ball played they get much more pissed off then the batting team.
    it’s getting more and more hilarious…
    in yestrday’s match MI Vs Chennai, bhajji was giving neck massage to Polard, when Arun Lal / sunil joshi said,” Dekhiye Polard..bhajji ka maja lete huye”
    thanks..it was not a radio commentary

  47. @Kautilya.. Nah he isn’t looking at her.. The photographs angle makes it seem so.

  48. @kolkata girl stuck in usa: To watch IPL On Youtube in US, just change the proxy settings on your browser to another country.

  49. funny post as always GB. But when you refer to kaif as talentless and being in the team bcos of friend (Yuvi is it?), i found it offensive. it is one thing saying the guy sucks but when you allege favouritism, it is cruel and offensive.

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