Rakhi Springer

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Living in a locality in Kolkata that overlooked a sprawling bustee (an illegal slum), one of the joys of urban life was to witness, from time to time, dog-fights/cat-fights between denizens of the bustee, usually fought out in the vicinity of the Shib Mandir (which housed a Shiv Lingam, a carrom board and a bamboo stand on which was pasted copies of Ganashakti), where in front of a crowd of screaming inhabitants of the said bustee, those in conflict would let loose. Wife beating up drunk husband. Woman shouting at the other woman. Father beating up drug-addict son. Two druggies throwing punches. Mother yelling at daughter caught “red-handed”. Passers-by would stop casually, just listening to the general conversation as the assembled crowd passed judgment, threw out advice, sometimes came in between if the fist throwing became serious  and periodically noisily murmured their taunting disapprobation or whole-hearted approval.

What I did not realize then and I do now is that I was watching advance episodes of Rakhi ka Insaaf, (premiered recently on NDTV Imagine) which has brought to the world of Indian television the cerebral classiness of watching a drunken lout of a husband being beaten up by chappals while he wallows in the drain singing vulgar songs, a show that promises to go where no show has ever gone before. And how can it not? It is after all helmed by Rakhi Sawant, or the “Arundhati Roy of reality television, the God of large-sized artificial things”.

Rakhi needs no introduction. The lady who put the “item” in “itemized deduction”, who put the BS in Big Boss, who brought “respect” back into the institute of marriage with her path-breaking “Rakhi Ka Swayamvar” which led to an engagement as real as a Commonwealth Games invoice, someone whose honesty can only be matched by Suresh Kalmadi it was only natural that she be chosen to be the judge of a show, which is nothing but a noble attempt to bring to the common man the kind of earthy common-sense jurisprudence favored by King Solomon and the local community gundas.

The somber seriousness of  the event is set as Rakhi Sawant walks onto the stage, shaking her bonbons and delivering dialogs to the camera in the fluidly stilted over-exaggerated bindassness which has so endeared herself to the masses. The loving audience cheers, like Romans baying for gladiatorial blood, fawning over their messiah. Yells of  “Rakhi Rakhi” echo in time , reminding one of  the “Maximus Maximus”chant  in Gladiator (Rakhi Sawant sometimes does look like Russel Crowe) or “Jerry Jerry” in Jerry Springer (the US daytime show on trailer trash dysfunction that has acquired cult status over the years). If one did not know of the respect Rakhi has in society, one would have thought that the crowd was being managed by cues from behind the camera and being paid by their decibel level. But of course they aren’t. Cause this is a reality show.

This time of course nuttily naughty Rakhi has a very knotty problem to solve. A Muslim woman (the religion is important in light of what it is to follow), whose husband has died (to use a Rakhisicism—uska switch off ho gya) claims that her sisters are trying to  poison her son’s mind against her with an aim to get hold of the compensation money.

Rakhi, like a wise judge, engages this woman with kindly heart-felt advice drawing on her life-experiences. Rakhi tells her that she herself, despite being a superstar actress, would do , given an adverse situation, any “job” with her “hands” to support her children whether it be rolling agarbatti (which she shows by doing a suspicious rolling up-down movement with her wrist) or, in her words, “goo uthana” (Lifting excreta). Presently one of the  accused sisters comes out and the original accuser suddenly starts screaming (almost as if someone signaled her to) and prances around the stage like a wounded bear, riling up the audience with deft challenges, till she flings herself into Rakhi’s arms and bawls uncontrollably.

The tension is ratcheted up when the son reveals he wants to stay with his mausis because her mother’s “brother” beats him. The mother’s mooh-bola “brother” is brought in to face the music. Immediately Rakhi realizes, with the judicial alertness of Hammurabi, that there is something more to the eye than what is evident. She asks the “brother” and the “sister” three times whether they stand by the story that they are brother-sister (Given the religion of the protagonists, the “three” has a special significance). They do not give in. Then Rakhi turns to the camera, twirls her eyes and with as much regret as a child would show when given a double scoop ice-cream, says that she has something in her hand which she did not want to show but now she has to.

The focus now shifts to a gigantic screen. And no infallible oracles Charu Sharma/Roshan Abbas do not materialize with a “spontaneously correct” answer to yet another of life’s questions. No what we are shown instead, is hidden camera footage of the “brother-sister” jodi sharing terms of endearment and intimate  touches that those who call themselves “brother-sister” should not engage in. Immediately the camera focuses on the shocked face of an audience member, almost as if she had just seen Jack the Ripper eating a human ear. Before anyone can wonder how crystal clear the hidden-camera footage was or ask how exactly the Rakhi team get hold of that footage, the sisters are moving towards the “brother” and bashing him up. And before you can say “totally fake”, the audience is marching on the poor man, like a group of zombies and throwing punches, reminding me of those glory days of Kolkata street justice. The bouncers come to intervene but not before the violent mob have got their shots in.  The entire crowd is on its feet, chanting “Rakhi Rakhi”. A mic appears out of nowhere in front of a person of indeterminate gender (not Rakhi) who then starts abusing the guest (as he/she says “no one will ever call themselves brother after this dastardly act”) while Rakhi stands tall, looking at the camera with a triumphant expression on her face like a kid who has solved his first simplification problem.

Finally Rakhi asks an aged, hyperventilating maulvi in the crowd what should be done. He says the only solution is that the “brother” should marry his “ex-sister” and make her his second wife. Brilliant ! If only the Supereme Court had shown such sagacity during the Shah Bano case. Soon the sisters embrace the estranged “sister”, and the family is reconciled like the last scene of a Barjatiya movie.  Finally the “sister” jumps onto the “brother” (now ex-brother and current-would be husband) and starts showing such public display of affection that even Saif and Kareena would be embarrassed. The episode ends with Rakhi standing  inside the amphitheater, surrounded by the cheering crowd, promising to return with her brand of unique justice and to bring more debauchery, sandal-throwing and  trash to our living rooms.

Take that Khaps.

Indian television has truly climbed a new height.

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113 thoughts on “Rakhi Springer

  1. These days reading your posts i have realized that you are just getting better and best with each posts…..”Old wine,better taste”…..same goes for Rakhi “Silicon” Sawant….both of you are just unmatchable……and did i say fifth…

  2. “Indian television has truly climbed a new height” Come on. When you were watching this show on TV, there was probably an interesting panel discussion on Lok Sabha TV on India’s future role in the UNSC. Why don’t you blog about that.

    I don’t mean it as an insult, but somehow I think you seem to be blessed with intelligence but not good taste. I’ve seen some of your Times of India rants as well. No one’s forcing you to read it for god’s sake. There’s always The Hindu you can go to. Guilty pleasures (and I think these definitely are for you) are fine, but when you bring them out into the public domain; pick an article from some stupid tabloid and complain about the “standards” of Indian journalism, I can’t help but accuse of you double standards. Dude, take a chill pill.

  3. Darshan,

    Why dont you take a chill pill? By your logic, no one is forcing you to read RTDM. Why don’t you read some “honorable” blog or re-read Hindu once again? (Oh and that mouthpiece of China is good? Keep your opinions to yourself boy ! Give me TOI’s commercial crap to Hindu’s insidious anti-Hindu propaganda any day)

  4. You’re right, not one forces me to read RTDM. I *like* reading it. And why should I keep my opinions to myself? I don’t get it. There was something that was said here that I don’t agree with and I made my opinion known. That’s what a blog’s comments section is about I think, no?

    “Give me TOI’s commercial crap to Hindu’s insidious anti-Hindu propaganda any day”. Absolutely. This is exactly the point I’m trying to make. If you like TOI’s commercial crap better than “The Hindu”, that’s absolutely fine. Just don’t keep harping about the fact that it’s sooo shitty.

  5. immediately went to youtube and watched a sampler…
    and am still in awe of what i saw…must admit that it breached all limits of WTFness known to mankind…

  6. Jesus!!!! I haven’t seen that program…but if what you are saying is true, then this is a perfect bastardization of Indian Television. But, this isnt new, we do have the MTV Roadies, Bindass TV’s Dadagiri, Emotional Atyachar and all that US Shows inspired Reality Trash where there is a lot of abusing, throwing punches, calling names, playing politics, scheming (like a bahu or saans). Half Fake the other Half Baked and if there is any left some no gooders good for nothing down market blighters looking for some 15 minutes of fame…check this out – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jat7Z24ZUQs

  7. Darshan,

    If you dont think you should keep your opinions to yourself, why should GB? Everything that is put on a public domain, from GB’s posts to Hindu’s crap, from TOI’s sell-outs to Rakhi’s sell-ins is subject to criticism. GB has merely exercised his right to criticize. So have you. So what does that make you superior? Better get back to reading the Hindu third time now. Or perhaps this place is too intelligent for you?

  8. “Or perhaps this place is too intelligent for you?”. No personal attacks ok. Be a good girl/boy.

    Fair enough that GB wants to exercise his opinion on RS. The problem *I* have is; everyone *knew* what RS was going to be like (personally I think she’s awesome; I’m a fan); why act so surprised? A lot of stuff on Indian TV (I’m assuming – coz I don’t watch TV) caters to the lowest common denominator. Why? Because there’s a huge market for it.

    Say you have a problem with bollywood music OK. To make your point you pick the absolute worst of the lot (say the Himesh guy) and then wail about the standard of bollywood music. There’s always AR Rahman. If that’s not your thing, there’s still Bhimsen’s Shuddh Kalyan or Rashid Khan’s Marwa.

    Here’s my point OK. GB’s obviously an intelligent guy. I just think he needs to pick on someone his own size. No?

  9. I fear that Rakhi’s show will be more biased against men than laws like Article 498 etc. The way she thunders durin promotional campaigns that she will “bring justice” to hapless women.. and the way her show has begun ; gives me irritating chilliness. Its not only a bastardization of TV.. its more thn that. Its bastardisation of trivial issues such as women rights and i fear it will end up in taking every good thing.. a step back in time.

  10. I caught a glimpse of the show in some rival News Channel “advertising” its “ashlilta” !!!

    But going through this I am having this strong urge to watch this on youtube…. Does anyone have a link ???

    BTW awesome stuff… Keep them comin’

  11. Watching Rakhi Ka Insaaf and then reading this is like Glenfiddich single malt topped with a Tequila shot! :))

    Loved it. True GB!

    @ Darshan – what’s the whole hoopla? Are you a regular? ‘Coz I genuinely wonder how people like you, don’t understand GB’s satire, sarcasm and most of all his ‘spirit!’ This was typical-GB! Get yourself some sense of humour.
    We need to call Rakhi to do this Insaaf now! :))

  12. We really need to save children from such TV shows. At present its shown at 10 pm ..it should be pushed to 11 pm.

    Sameer Nair is behind the imagination of NDTV imagine..and guess who is the creative consultant to the channel ?? KJO !!

  13. How does it matter whether I’m a regular or not. Ok, maybe I don’t have a sense of humour (I actually do). All the hoopla is because I DO GET the point GB is trying to make and I don’t agree with it!

    Yes let’s call Rakhi shall we?

  14. It was Fun watching her stupidity on TV…n did u watch those expressionless ppl …like they had turn off/on button wid them…On karte hi expressiosns on..n off karte hi off..lol…but Channel wanted to position this show like this only….ppl will watch it thn they will talk or i wud say “puke” abt it…this is the way Rakhi Sawant is..she likes this cheap publicity…n u know what she was successful in this to grab our attention..watever..Rakhi is somewhat That “U like her or dislike her but u can’t avoid her”…and see she got a place in ur articles also…n my comment too…RAKHI RAKHI…!!!!!

  15. Darshan,

    There may be ‘better’ programmes on TV, but it is the ones like these that get maximum viewership, which indicates the general public’s taste and intelligence, and I think this is the point GB is trying to make. Demand and it shall be supplied. By the likes of KJO!

  16. I have to admit that Rakhi has come a very long way. She is now a household name. For a girl who never did more than item songs and few minor roles in Bollywood she has achieved a lot. The lady can entertain! She is one of those rare figures you can ‘love’, ‘hate’ but never ignore. I had the privilege of seeing her in person at a superstore in Mumbai.
    Incidentally the Management guys often used her example to illustrate how an individual can become a brand name.

  17. There’s a show like this on the TV?? Guess, reading blogs such as these solve all purposes of entertainment, timepass, GK, debates, discussions, n sure I got no regrets!!
    Rakhi’s as usual crazy…and GB, as usual at his best!!
    Hilarious post!!

  18. IT IS TRUE! I googled it and this show is actually on air! My first reaction was that you made the entire thing up 🙂 And I thought ‘Jersey Shore’ was the worst thing that happened to television! GB, now this is sarcasm of a far more blunt nature than the robot review 🙂 AWESOME!

  19. I am surprised that many people do watch such programs. If watching this program for a change of taste, its ok but a regular for this show… is horrible.

    But somehow I too believed that how many of us watch “lok sabha tv”??

    But neverthless, this article/post by GB preciely tells how low our media has reached and our tastes too.

  20. There is a large section of our english-educated urban generation (I am just under thirty) that feels we shouldnt criticize reality TV shows, if we dont like them, just avoid them, take a chill pill and all that shit…. this is precisely where my problem lies…while a lot of us who are mature adults can make the choice between right and wrong, there is a significant proportion of our adolescent teenage and children who might not be able to make that choice for themselves…and for them crappy shows such as these and other reality shows can be devastating as an influence. We are a generation brought up on freedom- but every freedom also should have an accompanying responsibility, and when TV channels fail to recognize that, I feel thats the time controls should be exercised….

  21. @GB: One of the most wittiest post of yours in recent times!

    And one request to Darshan and Co..
    Lets enjoy the post than fighting among eachother.

  22. @ Darshan…you seem to be a version 2.0 of Prabhu Chawla (inspired by ‘Seedhi Baat…only Bakwaas’). Your criticism is one of the worst I have come across; nothing personal but these are the reasons I feel that way –

    1. Agendaless criticism
    2. Lots of noise
    3. Chitter Chatter Banter
    4. Ambiguous arguments
    5. Lots of table thumping
    6. and a false feeling of superiority because your criquing commentary is a one sided communication to the author of this blog

  23. Hey…just one correction…its only Imagine not NDTV Imagine anymore…Since the channel gives you enough material to fill your blog please write their name correctly(Read your post on Rakhi Ka Swayamvar)…I love your post but professionally bound…therefore cannot comment further.

  24. @ Darshan – I want to ask you that question too. Are you regular on GB’s blog. If you are you would know what he writes and what he means. That’s why Surya asked that question. You need to get a sense of humor and a lot of chill-pills. You are free to choose to not read GB’s blog.

    GreatPong – Brilliant comment! Criticism – non-constructive. Looks like Darshan knows how to make a noise about nothing.

    @GB – great post. Hate the show, love the post.

  25. @aditisen
    Rakhi is not a “brand name”…if you remove the “b”, your sentence would match with what most guys call her at youtube comments section. You sound like the teenagers, who are most vulnerable from this Rakhititis.

  26. Very funny.

    “..Rakhi Sawant, or the “Arundhati Roy of reality television, the God of large-sized artificial things”.

    Heehehehehe

  27. Oh Jejus!!!!! I happened to watch bits and pieces of this episode and it was ridiculous, to say the least!!!! What I found surprising was the perfect composure of the ‘brother’ in question. He sat smiling through all this drama, while the ‘sister’ and her sisters beat their chests and bawled. I feel terrible for the ‘brother’s first wife and his 4 children, and for this woman’s child too!!! Such a shame. I was hoping Rakhi would do a respectable job of meting justice, but I guess, that is a very unrealistic expectation!!!!

    Btw, HILARIOUS POST… loved it!!!! ‘God of large-sized artificial things’ – awesome! Sharing this on FB, with your permission!

  28. Brilliant !!!

    No one here seems to have caught onto the genius of the job with her hands bit. That TOTALLY cracked me up.

  29. I think most of us who are climbing on to the bash-Darshan bandwagon need to take a step back and see what pissed him off. My understanding is that he felt that GB picked Rakhi’s show and used it as an example to diss ‘all’ programming on Indian television.
    Darshan, if it helps, I don’t think that was the intention of this piece…”Indian television has truly climbed a new height” need not be taken in its quasi-literal sense. Most folks here have been watching television from the DD days, and there has been memorable as well as downright disgusting programming down the years. I think most of us understand that.

    Ok…now that my gyaan has efectively killed the humor here, back to the comments. Sorry folks.

  30. Hey Darshan ! GB is the Stephen Colbert of the Indian blogosphere !

    Stephen Colbert :: O’Reilly

    GB :: Most Esteemed Justice Rakhiji …..

    Hence it is his moral duty to watch such shows and write about them …… else his die hard fans go crazy and threaten to lynch each other ……

  31. Good one asusual..Greatbong…Was expecting somemore of your experience on this year’s Puja thgh..after reading ur book..

  32. …any “job” with her “hands” to support her children whether it be rolling agarbatti (which she shows by doing a suspicious rolling up-down movement with her wrist)…

    Oh man… I fell off my chair 🙂

  33. This is great! A Jerry Springer like show in India! Gotta see this. Reality shows have to come to us from the UK by way of the US. We have our own version of talk shows (Visu’s one time Arattai Arangam on Sun TV till Sun gave him the boot for stealing the thunder from them.

    We must afford the mango people (aam janta) as well as PLUS (who when it comes to affairs of sleaze aren’t at all different, just vary by hte monies involved) to get these things out of the system and settle matters in public rather than thru supari or chaku churi.

    And Arnab, you are best writing about things you know, like this one. Keep up the good work.

  34. Great… Rakhi Sawant is really the best one to keep the audiences hold on to wait for some drama.. She is someone you dont want to see but still u see coz u get wat u expect..Rakhi Sawant… No one loves her but no one even hate her so much that they dont watch her show..

  35. “Rakhi Sawant, or the “Arundhati Roy of reality television, the God of large-sized artificial things”.

    That was a gem!

  36. “A mic appears out of nowhere in front of a person of indeterminate gender (not Rakhi) who then starts abusing the guest”…..How can you come up with such a punch ;-)…Priceless

    It’s really sad the reality shows have touched new lows these days. Only God and the producers of show know what we will witness after 5/10 years in the name of holy entertainment.

    I always thought “Rahul ka Swayamvar” was the worst thing ever happened on Indian TV but this lady has ‘balls’ (although silicon) to beat the chu***ya Rahul’s show. Probably NDTV imagine TV believes that “if they want shit, give them shit….”

    Like somesaid above: hate the show, love the post.

    cheers!!

    P.S.: I didn’t even have bothered to watch the show on TV or any link on youtube but i can just imagine the all da fuck shit it contains. And that’s enough to give a sort of ‘marijuana’ kick 😉

    P.P.S: BTW from the snap above, looks like someone is trying to shove agarbatti roll up her arse..

  37. ha ha ha…. no words ! i totally rolled on the floor laughing, picked up myself, dusted my coat and rolled over again !!!
    How could i miss this showm ! i promise to watch the next episode and you must promise to write about it too…pleeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzz 😀

  38. aditisen @ blogspot has written a terrific series on Indian horror movies. Perhaps this show can be added to that list.
    GB, since last 2 posts your form is becoming like Sachin’s.

  39. GB at his best on twitter
    “Ba ba Kalma. Have you any wool? Yes CAG yes CAG 3 bags full. 1 for “master”. 1 for “Dame”. 1 for CM aunty. So your question is lame.”

  40. Or it can be:

    “Ba Ba Mannu, have you any Dough”?

    “UBS and CSFB taking care of it though”
    “1 account for the master, 1 Account for the dame”
    “One for the little boy who plays the photo-op game”

  41. Come on Dada.. Ebar ektu taste ta bodlan.. Write something good and bright.. Mukhta to teto kheye kheye noshto kore felechhen mone hochhe.. ektu mishti kichhu.. And why do you bark so much at people who criticise you at times. I mean you do that day in and day out to eminent people(You actually abuse). Then who are you to get away. Hati ghora gelo tol..Mosha bole koto jol.

  42. Heyyy….funny as it may sound to u english speakin elite folks….rakhi ka insaaf is precisely the kind of entertainment the vast majority want…

    note that there are no english songs on mtv any more…demography wise we do not matter now..thanks to free market economics everyone has a tv now and rakhi sawant is precisely where we are heading…so enjoy

  43. Cant understand you actually see these shows just to write a blog. It is the lamest thing to do. Rakhi is doing what she is doing because she is paid. The TV broadcasters know that there are idiots who will watch these shows. You are being that idiot my friend. Your blog is not funny rather stupid. How do you get so much time to waste?? Ask yourself this question – who is the bigger moron – Rakhi – for doing what she is only capable of or you – so called educated Indian with a real job that needs your attention.

    Also, the comment on Arundhati Roy was uncalled for and shows lack of intellectual maturity.

  44. Seems GB has already obtained Prabhuji’s status… Poor Darshan was just trying to put his point across when the rioters started verbally punching/kicking him. Reminds of another GB post related to Rajkumar’s demise and his fan’s reactions in Karnataka.

    To all fans: guys please relax! I’m quite sure that GB would understand and support Darshan’s right to criticize. He is not attempting to draw your prophet 😛

  45. @Darshan,

    I cannot imagine that you are putting yourself in the shoes of Calvin…and exchanging “frank” “ideas”…LOL!….Don’t even try kid…those shoes are too big for you..

  46. Pingback: What the…&@#$?! « Venu gvgk's Blog

  47. Nice piece by GreatBong. Are you sure that the large-sized things are artificial? How do you know? LOL

    I guess boring stuff like “Hum Log”, “Buniyaad” and “Kahan Gaye Woh Log” would have no takers in front of Rakhi Springer’s super-addictive show.

    Geraldo Rivera got his nose smashed by an angry guest during a brawl on his show… So who will be the bakra on the Rakhi Springer show?

  48. @ bengal voice
    Dont underestimate GB. There could be many possiblities.
    Maybe, from where he is looking at Rakhi, things shape up with more clarity.
    Maybe GB has a better “feel” for things.

  49. Oh God Almighty ! I read your post and then dared to look up the episode on youtube.

    I feel like I just hopped off one of those life-sucking roller-coaster rides.

    And to think that a certain commentator “is a fan” who coaches us on the “freedom of choice”.

    Rakhi is like Jerry Springer and Judge Judy fused into one exploding dynamite. Everything was just as awesome as you described. Except that the studio audience was also equally remarkable. A guy in the back picked up a chair after “the footage” was shown !

    Now I would excuse myself and throw up some more.

  50. @ Anonymous of October 20, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Reading your comment was one of those WTF moments for me; it was like seeing Sunny Deol singing a lullyby to make a kid sleep or AK Hangal doing a break dance…I mean lets dissect your comments below –

    1. Cant understand you actually see these shows just to write a blog….? Greatbong does not see shows or watch movies to write a blog…he brings the strange, random, demented, crazy to the fore as he comes across them..as his blog suggests Random Thoughts of the Demented Mind..WTF were you expecting on this blog a Critique of Mozart’s 9th Symphony or Suraj Barjatiya’s life history?

    2. Rakhi is doing what she is doing because she is paid….? Oh really???!! wow I didn’t know that, thanks for letting us know, if you hadn’t mentioned we wouldn’t have known!!!

    3. The TV broadcasters know that there are idiots who will watch these shows. You are being that idiot my friend….??!! Dude the humour lies in discussing about these idiots and the makers of such trash programs.

    4. Your blog is not funny rather stupid….Well that comment is ok because its your personal view and I am sure Greatbong would be open to taking criticisms; but i can tell you, the real Greatbong fans loved it!

    5. How do you get so much time to waste?? Ask yourself this question – who is the bigger moron – Rakhi – for doing what she is only capable of or you – so called educated Indian with a real job that needs your attention…!!!…Dude, you are now entering the demented and moronic realm of Darshan/Prabhu Chawla; for God’s sake he is a blogger..this is also his job like his real world corporate job or whatever he is doing..this is his marketing tool for garnering attention and readers for the occasional books that he releases..don’t behave like the Aaj Tak News Channel / India TV!

    6. Also, the comment on Arundhati Roy was uncalled for and shows lack of intellectual maturity….!!…LMAO..ROTF…well if you are supporting Arundhati Roy and the likes shows your knowledge about the political and media environment around you..and if criticizing someone is lack of intellectual maturity then what would you call yourself who is criticizing greatbong???

  51. Darshan…dude…take a chill pill…
    Greatbong is our Rakhi…and we love him
    He has to see and review these shitty artcles and shows to keep us entertained. The fun in reading these reviews lies in the brilliant satire that he rights. It lies in lines like “Arundhati Roy of reality television” or “engagement as real as a Commonwealth Games invoice”. Do you still dont get it?
    I think it would be incorrect to say that this blog is too intelligent for you. I think its too enjoyable for you. Please spare us and dont spoil the fun.

  52. @ Anonymous of October 20, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    “Cant understand you actually see these shows just to write a blog. It is the lamest thing to do… You are being that idiot.. Your blog is not funny rather stupid.”

    What GB’s written is not called a ‘blog.’ Its a ‘post.’ Too nit-picky no, I am?” (Wonder how many of GB’s 700 odd posts you have read, though!)I believe in a civilised democratic society, each and everyone of us has the right to an opinion, however flawed it might be, as it is in your case. So fair enough!

    “How do you get so much time to waste?? Ask yourself this question – who is the bigger moron” – Well, now THAT is uncalled for! What amazes me is that GB, in spite of knowing that people (like you) might write any tripe, in the name of a comment, still doesn’t moderate the comments section.

    “Also, the comment on Arundhati Roy was uncalled for” – I cannot help but laugh at this. Hilarious!

  53. Oho, I tried seeing that episode but could not,really, and not because they were giving galagali, but because it was very typical stuff, have seen similar things on MTV bindaas and so on.it was more fun reading it. It seems to me (seriously) that Rakhi will contest elections in the future and WIN.

  54. @ GreatPong – Liked your comment but then…
    “this is his marketing tool for garnering attention and readers for the occasional books that he releases.” – You really think GB writes for this?? Since so many years?? Post-after-post.. that have genuinely made you laugh insanely and those that have made you bury you face in the pillow and cry..?
    Am shocked at the interpretation. RTDM is anything but a marketing tool for his books. ‘Coz if it were, it would stink of the sap from the commercialization bitch-goddess. And you and me would never have been fans of GB. You know what am saying?

  55. hehe..hilarious….

    @GB – a cricket blog is due from you for long…. no Very Very Special innings coverage…no IPL news [ bohoo I so badly wanted IPL Kochi in!! ] and no aussie bashing … a post is overdue.

  56. @GreatPong, Surya –
    Thanks for your comments. It is really heartening to see that you had the time and energy to respond to an useless comment posted on a worthless blog. Even I have not read my comment twice, but you guys took great pain to actually dissect my sentences and carry out analysis. You guys remind me of Glenn Beck from Fox news.

    Your actions remind me a scene from the movie Monty Python and Life of Brian. People misjudge Brian to be the messiah and what follows is a blatant display of idiocy and sycophancy. That was the most hilarious thing I had ever experienced. I congratulate you on the fact that you have equaled that feat. You are at par with the great Pythons albeit without the sarcasm. Don’t sweat if you don’t understand what I am talking about. You will never find out if you keep reading Great Bong and watch Rakhi Sawanth.

    The situation in this blog post is akin to what happens when you throw a bone amongst a pack of dogs. The author writes a blog, and what follows is people fighting like dogs and getting into personal attacks in the comments section. It is more interesting to just read the comments than the blog. No other blogging community has a worse set of followers.

    I would have understood if the author of this blog responded to my comment. But what followed was gospel flowing from two divine “fans” of “GB”. Wow!!! Take that for arse licking. Graham Chapman would have been very proud of you.

    Also, I should thank Lord almighty that the moderator has not deleted my comment when that is exactly what blogs are all about. I really feel blessed.

    @GB – My honest feedback – This blog is stupid. Just narrating what happened on a TV show does not make it funny. It is like cursing Venkatesh Prasad for not bowling fast or screwing Shakti Kapoor for not getting Oscar. I repeat what I said, to watch these shows just to write a blog when you have nothing else to write about is pretty lame. There are other bloggers who do a better job – gkhamba, vigilidiot, etc. But it is your blog, do whatever the hell you want.

    See what you guys have done to me!! I should not have commented based on your divine words but seems like I too stooped to the same lows as you. I assume that reading this you guys will get into the same dog fight as you always do and I am going to sit back and enjoy. Keep them coming. Always remember I have two words for you – and you know what..

  57. “narrating what happened on a TV show does not make it funny.”

    But isnt that exactly what the Vigil Idiot does except for movies? Isnt that the ONLY thing he does? Guess whose tongue is up whose rectum? Haha !

    By the way, do you know who is an even bigger moron than the guy who wastes his time writing a post on Rakhi Sawant’s show? Its the guy who then comments on that post about the blogger wasting HIS time !

    Now go back to your little hole and wallow in the little Green giant. Shoo..

  58. That Sawant woman is just plain gross. I thought a lot of Bollywood people were fakers but this woman just redefines the whole concept of “fake”, really.
    Fake attitude, fake dialogues, fake show, fake boobs…
    Obviously, some people like it though. I guess they’re the Indian equivalents of Rednecks.

  59. There is a competition going on among your commenters— who is the bigger ass…? Its always fun to watch these ass…s fighting— sometimes more than your writing.
    @GB Its a hilarious piece.

  60. Well, I like the blog, but I like the serial too!! Once I come back late from office, big boss and Rakhi’s histrionics provide the right entertainment. If we can keep logic at bay while watching movies then why not do the same for these shows? I am not sure whether I would like to watch my schooltime favs Turning point or Mindwatch at the end of a hectic day.
    What makes me sad is that people think of turning to these shows to get justice rather than to our creaking judiciary system. Another khap in the making?

  61. @Anonymous…I really liked 2 of your statements – ‘It is really heartening to see that you had the time and energy to respond to a useless comment posted. Even I have not read my comment twice’; yes Anonymous we totally agree with you, your comments are totally useless and you are not worthy of anyone’s time, but having said that, we also cannot allow worthless comments to go unanswered on this post because then it would falsely make a pseudo intellect like you believe that you made such an amazing point that it had no counter to it! Atleast we remind you of Glenn Beck from Fox news you at best remind us of either Darshan/Prabhu Chawla/Rajat Sharma!

  62. Guys..I think we need to imbibe what GreatBong has done here…just ignore and do not respond to those comments from Anonymous and Darshans..

  63. Rolling on the floor laughing while reading your blogs is something I have always done. Now, I have also started rolling on the floor laughing while reading the cat-fights in the comments posted. 🙂

    Andhera Kayam rahega 😛

  64. Absolutely hilarious. Loved it. Especially the parts highlighted below:

    “Arundhati Roy of reality television, the God of large-sized artificial things”.
    “any “job” with her “hands””
    “Rakhi turns to the camera, twirls her eyes and with as much regret as a child would show when given a double scoop ice-cream”
    “a person of indeterminate gender (not Rakhi)”
    “Rakhi stands tall, looking at the camera with a triumphant expression on her face like a kid who has solved his first simplification problem.”

    You are the God of Satirical things! 🙂
    Incidentally, reading MIHYAP, absolutely delightful 🙂

  65. Pingback: Another non-post « Writer-z-block

  66. OMG!! I had no idea about this show!!!
    Brilliantly written (your post)…I couldnt ask for a more realistic yet sarcastic view of the proceedings…I could visualise every scene. Keep ’em coming!

  67. This stuff has been prevalent in agony aunt section of local dailies and magazines like grihshobha, sarita etc. Manohar kahaniyaan etc. delivers similar content but that is part fiction/part truth. Surprsing that this kind of stuff is suitable enough for a national channel. Anyways sorry state of affairs there is hardly any quality in TV channels in India. Same old sh** from ekta kapoor soaps to recycled foreign reality shows.

  68. “Rakhi Sawant, or the “Arundhati Roy of reality television, the God of large-sized artificial things”” that’s being unfair to Rakhi!

  69. As usual, brilliant analogies, metaphors and similees.

    “.. her sisters are trying to take poison her son’s mind..” – ‘take’ is redundant here

    Where do you get the opportunity (Dish Network?) and time to watch these?

  70. I saw part of this episode, but nothing matches your narration!

    I am now seriously considering buying an LED TV just to catch the next season of “Rakhi ka Insaaf”. Its such a shame that I missed all the episodes of the Season I!

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