Yahaan bhi hoga wahan bhi hoga
Ab to saare jahaan mein hoga
Kya… tera hi jalwa
You have seen her at many international forums, performing verbal item numbers for honorariums, regurgitating Chomskian rhetoric at fashionable venues, going around in the forests of Dantewada as part of the “Is Jangal Se Mujhe Bachao—the sponsored edition” and in general being bindaas in front of any open mic that she can get hold of (as long as there is a pressman with a notebook present).
Now India’s greatest reality intellectual queen, the darling of the classes, sedition-uctress supreme Arundhati is coming to your Brahminical Hindu 46 inch flat screen.
Arundhati ka Insaaf.
Music: Kar faislaa kar faislaa….kar jhooth aur sach ka faislaa….
Cutscene 1: Arundhati shouting, brandishing muscular arm:
Duniyaan thukegi India pe, aur har desh ki ma uska naam India rakhne se ghabrayegi.…..
Crowd consisting of bearded jholawalas (both men and women) shout: Chi Chi India, Chi Chi India….India badi minorities ke dushmaan Hai Hai Hai...
Cutscene 2: Arundhati on screen makes her eyes round as saucers:
Bhai life main taang kheechne waale bahoot hote hai (pointing to the Indian flag) lekin haath pakadne waale bahot kam (pointing to a red Communist flag), dhoka dene waale bahot hote hai (pointing to an Indian flag once again) par mauka dene waale[sly wink] bahot kam (pointing to the Pakistani flag).
Lekin abh kisi capitalist-imperalistic ki dadagiri naheen chalegi, kyon ki bhatke huye Maoist aur Islamic terrorists ko rasta main dikhayoongi, Kashmir ko azaadi dilwaane ki solution main dhoondongi, kyon ki yahaan pe insaaf hoga..
Crowd shouts: Arundhati ka insaaf hoga…
Arundhati smiles smugly.
Cutscene 3: Arundhati shouting yet again: Maroongi pakadke chata, aadmi naheen tu, hain tu Birla-Tata. India se shaadi aur Israel ke saath suhaagraat !
Helped in her mission of justice, will be her chaar mushtande bouncers— Navlakha (Mujhe navlakha maanga de re o saiyyan deewane), Geelani (Geela Geela Paani), Yasin Malik (video of Yasin Malik dancing to Jashn-e-Azadi) and Kobad Ghandy (Sab Ghandy Hai Par Handy Hoon Main).
Cutscene 4: Arundhati gently to Maoist terrorist: Kitna pyara hai tu, gaale naheen miloge mujhe [holding pose for a few seconds for camera]
So hold on tight to your seats. All Bramhin Hindus, all Indians and you effin bourgeois be scared very scared. Arundhati and her freakshow are in town. And this time they are handing out liberally their brand of insaaf.
Dont arrest her please. Cause that’s what she wants. Then the Nobel Prize for Peace is assured.
So just tune in. And try not to laugh. Too much.
[Picture courtesy: Outlook India]