As the Indian Bramhanical-industrial-complex exults at the defeat of Laloo Yadav and his “Osama Bin Laden as election mascot” comrade Paswan let me say, with a loud voice, that this is all a conspiracy. Against Dalits. Against people who eat fodder. Against high-carb milk sweets. Against generous ear and nose hair. Against people who like to watch Mamta Kulkarni dance.
Voting for development? What’s wrong with you people? Voting for performance? You gotta be kidding me.
People of Bihar, you have done something really dangerous. First of all, you have not been moved by Yuvraj Gandhi’s great electoral charms and his absolute lack of opinion on anything of any importance. All this man wanted is a slight triumph and then the Padmasree-grubbing “What shall I tell them” free press could have blown it up to an extent that he appears to be Chandragupta Maurya. And you wouldn’t even give him that, after what his family did for all of us. What did you say? What did they do for us?
I…emm…ok let me think a bit.
And for my pyare Laloo-ji, fikar not. You may be down but not out. Because no politician in India, no matter how honorable, ever is. Now that you have some time away from power, partake some of your branded chocolate called Laloo Ka Khazana (not to be confused with the khazana he brings for his near and dear ones). Enjoy with your sukhi but not chota parivaar. Spin yarns as to how you turned around the Railways to Harvard grads looking to learn about creative accounting. Watch your son Tejaswy grow in politics or next time get him into Kolkata Knight Riders, where unlike Delhi Daredevils (his old franchise) he will surely get a game. Work on mimicking Mamata Banerjee —you will fit right in with Archana Puran Singh, Sekhar Suman and Sidhu in our constellation of clowns. Enjoy your kameez-phad Holi, just make sure the coins dont fall out of your kurta.
I accept that as a Bengali, I have a vested interest in wanting Laloo-ji back. For so many years, we in our state could draw solace from the fact that we were doing better than Bihar. At least kidnapping was not a major economic activity in Bengal—that much we could be proud of. (Some would say that the reason for that is kidnapping takes planning, effort and initiative)
Whatever it be, this blasted Nitish has even taken away that comfort from us and with your dear “Puleeeeze” Railmantri Sushri Mamata-Devi coming to us as a Chief Minister, I dont think things will get any better either.
So my friends in Bihar, please get over this development bug and get back to the old caste equations please. If not for Laloo, vote for Paswan or for KRK. But please not Nitish. Cause this is making us really uncomfortable.
[Pictures courtesy Rediff, IBN and Outlook]