Sarah Palin: I am so glad to be in India meeting all of you newspaper-dudes. Thanks first of all to the India Today group for ponying up USD 100K for my speaker fees and for footing the bill for the 7 star treatment. It is truly a great testament to the intellectual riches available in your country that you had to invite good ole soccer mum me.
I am truly honored to be at a place where luminaries like General Musharaff have spoken before.
(Turning to her aide: “Was he the guy who tried to hit on me?” Whispering aide: No madam, that was another Pakistani– Zardari. Palin: Wait, who is that? Aide [giving up in exasperation]: Yes sorry, forget what I said—it was the same guy.)
(Flashing a smile) If there was anything I wanted to be more than Miss Hawaii and US president, it was to visit India. You see when I was a kid, we used to play cowboys and Indians. My brother would dress up as Big Chief Bullshit, and run about holding a tomhawk while I chased him with a sawed off shotgun. As a matter of fact, we in the US so much admire your Indian culture we named a missile Tomhawk, with which he bust the asses of sand …I mean enemies of America. Like liberals and Arabs. So coming to India has been like homecoming. On the ride from the airport I saw so many of your folk living in wigwams on the side of the road. Charming idea—-to have reservations on the highways. Someone told me you have 49.5% land for Indian reservations. Lovely.
Aide steps in and says “If you have any questions for the Governor”.
Person 1: So Governor Palin, what kind of things do you want to do in India in your off-time?
Palin: Oh lots of doggone things. For one, I have hired a helicopter and from there I am going to shoot cows. I like moose but seems to be none around. So I am going to shoot em cows and make myself nice big juicy rare steaks. I was told you Indians hold the cow in high regard. Consider this my way of respecting your tradition. I dont want you to misunderestimate my love for this country.
Aide coughs….”Yes next question?”
Person 2: Did you get a chance to meet the Prime Minister?
Palin: Oh yes I did. She was a charming woman. I learned something new today. Yesterday it was that the earth revolves round the sun. Today it is that Indian tribes have Italian chiefs. I never knew that before.
(Aide whispering: That was not the Prime Minister. Palin whispering back: Dang. Who was that then? Aide [giving up]: Yes sorry, forget what I said—that was the PM.)
Person 3: What do you think about call centers?
Palin: Yes I am glad you asked that. The lamestream media consistently paints me as some right-wing bimbo when all I am is a heartland girl who likes to call things dead center.
Aide whispering: Governor, he means “call centers”. You know the people you call over the phone when you need to turn on the laptop…
Palin: Oh I am sorry. I “wee-weed” up the question. Oh those call centers. Third world job-robbers they are with their ridiculous accents and there “Yes mam myself Sam.” Disgusting —which country are those beggars from? Cannot remember….definitely not a country I can see from my house. I can tell you that.
Person 4: Will you star in moossic bhideo with me? I have composed a disco song phor you, soopherheet moosic “Oh mera Sarah Palin, Chalo hum disco chalin”. Madam, this song will win the Grammy Whammy Thank You Mammy…….guaranteed. You remind me so much of Shyam Phox…
Palin (suddenly getting one word): Fox. I am an expert commentator there. Fair and balanced news they have there. Thank you for asking….(looking at the golden chains the man is wearing)….Indian Mr. T?
Person 5: Madam, Sheila or Munni?
Palin: (winking): Sarah and Money !
Person 6 stepping up: Governor Palin, we Indians want to know what you think of the Men In Blue?
Palin: I thought you would never ask. Men in the Blue States. They are the nation’s enemies. They are all about “spend spend spend”. They want to bring socialism into the country, create a single payer insurance system. Say no to the Blue states. Say no to the Democrats. Go red. Go Republican. Vote Palin.
Aide mumbles to other aide: “Oh my God this lady will start a war. We need to make her stop speaking before she makes a further jackass of herself. Get someone who will make it impossible for her to get a word in edgewise.”
Aide 2: Put a call through to Arnab Goswami. NOW.
The Greatbong Blog & Podcast 
🙂
1st. Hilarious.
Loved the Arnab Goswami part!
Not your best, but pretty good!
very good
The last sentence was ultimate. Thanks for the laugh.
But what is wrong with India Today? Probably, more apt question would be, what is wrong with Indian media that they can not think of running a discussion without a white skin owner gracing it? I have never seen a competent administrator like Lee Yuan Kew getting invited to attend a discussion arranged by Indian media.
Funny Palin-drome of an article by GB !
@Siddhartha
Even well-educated Indian doctors mistake Rahul baba for a “foreign tourist”. Go figure !!
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Disguised-Rahul-has-quiet-holiday/articleshow/7559399.cms
misunderestimate. 🙂
Ha ha ha, freaking awesome
“Get someone who will make it impossible for her to get a word in edgewise.”
— O Reilly?
The last sentence…..**APPLAUSE ***
@ d
hahahaha
The spin stops right there.
excellent last sentence
Palin’s milk joke goes sour:
http://views.washingtonpost.com/leadership/post_leadership/2011/02/palin-breastfeeding-joke-gos-sour.html
Lol!! Ms Palin should read to prepare for her India trip!
Fantastic! Love the Arnab Goswami bit! Brilliant! 🙂
😀 😀 😀
… And to think… she is going to deliver the ‘Dinner Keynote Address’ titled ‘My Vision of America’… in India!!!
… Lets send in our condolences in advance to the US and to India of course!
Arnab Goswami part is killer 🙂
Although I wonder if a lot of the Palin references (“not a country I can see from my house”) would be lost on readers who’re not Indians living in America.
Person 5: Madam, Sheila or Munni?
Aha …the great question of our age….Somebody may actually end up asking this…
Aide 2: Put a call through to Arnab Goswami. NOW.
:)..too good
“I learned something new today. Yesterday it was that the earth revolves round the sun. Today it is that Indian tribes have Italian chiefs. I never knew that before.”
AWESOME.
Whatever her faults are; Palin,even in your caricature has a lot of horse sense.At least she figured out who the real PM of India is-which is something most Indians are yet to do.
About the call centre part…… isn’t it the Republicans who started to outsource at the bidding of Wall Street? They actually support more H1Bs while Democrats mostly oppose outsourcing and work permits for Indians. Isn’t that the case Greatbong Sir? I’m curious, so would be helpful if you can reply.
I am curious Mohit Roy sir how that is even germane to the issue when the point of the post is Sarah Palin’s scatterbrained-ness and overall idiocy. Incidentally there are enough Republicans against H1B also. As an example Tom Tancredo, a Republican, has been leading almost a decade long crusade to get rid of the H1B program.
Nice work, Arnab. What you have done to her reminds me of Chulbul Pandey’s most famous line from “Dabanng”.
J.A.P.
crazy 😀
Wonderful climax 😀
Back to form, Greatbong!
Witty, as usual, very witty.
I’m lost on the Arnab Goswami part. Isn’t he a news anchor? What’s his claim to infamy?
True that Sarah Palin does not feature too high on the old chaalu maal index.
Yet this is not necessarily an impediment. The USA’s approach to weltpolitik is traditionally based on fundamentally flawed principles :
1. RUSSIA = REAL EVIL.
2.CHINA & MID-EAST NEED TO BE REVERED
2. ERGO ENEMY OF RUSSIA = GOOD, ALLY OF RUSSIA = BAD.
3. AND ALLY OF RUSSIA YET ENEMY OF CHINA = FILTH
Thus
Whoops. Got cut-off …. Full text here :
True that Sarah Palin does not feature too high on the old chaalu maal index.
Yet this is not necessarily an impediment. The USA’s approach to weltpolitik is traditionally based on fundamentally flawed principles :
1. RUSSIA = REAL EVIL.
2. CHINA & PETROLIC MID-EAST NEED TO BE REVERED
3. MID-EAST = ISLAAM, SO ISLAAM GOOD (except IRAN)
4. ENEMY OF RUSSIA = GOOD, ALLY OF RUSSIA = BAD.
5. ALLY OF RUSSIA YET ENEMY OF CHINA & ISLAAM = FILTH. THUS INDIA = WRETCHED
This fundamentally skewed model has caused trillions of dollars, billions of hours, and millions of human lifes spent in fortifying terrorist states & grinding decent nations like India down.
Thus a Dick Nixon & Kisisnger (D*ick-Kissing joori hahaha) could literally call India b*stards, yet swoon in awe in front of a Pakistan whose hands were still bloody from the recent massacre of 3.5 million victims.
So any incorrect actions a leader like Sarah Palin may take from information paucity may not necessarily be more harmful to the world from the conscious, purposeful, intellectual, yet fundamentally flawed, actions of her IQ-superior peers.
After all, is Italy better under a Berlusconi or a Nussolini?
@krishanu: Arnab Goswami is the news anchor of Times NOW. To understand his claim to infamy you need to watch any of his interviews or panel discussion. wink!! wink!! lol!!
This part was the best – Did you get a chance to meet the Prime Minister?
Palin: Oh yes I did. She was a charming woman…..
Hey GreatBong, as usual awesome post …. the last line was brilliant, a stroke of genius! 🙂
But seriously, whatever respect I had for India Today has just evaporated!! Its sad to see Indians falling over themselves to get gora opinion – at least get decent gora opinion and not the opinion of a two bit fake hockey mom from Alaska! Sarah Palin represents everything idiotic and crappy in American politics. Very sad to see India Today dignify her with such an invitation.
Marvellous wit…. GREAT 😀