The World Cup Once Again This Week

In the Mahabharata, the Gods gave Sanjay multiple-camera vision so that he could verbally replay to Dhritirashtra every gory detail of the battle of Kurukshetra. I wondered why Gods, being Gods, didnt just give the old man his vision back. But then I figured that Dhritarashtra, being a facilitator of the Kaurava’s evils, deserved the punishment of being deprived of the sense of sight.

In this age, we have become like Dhritarashtras, presiding over a massive loot of the country’s resources by those whom he voted to power. So the Gods, in their infinite wisdom, have given us another Sanjay—Sanjay Manjrekar, to give a painful play-by-play. Truly Sanjay (in whose name a movie was made once with the song “Raat choti baat badi” [The night is short but my words are long]) sometimes seems to have vision of the kind that mortals do not possess. Like there was this time during the India-Ireland match he suddenly said “He has found the gap.” Only problem was that the fielder was standing almost placidly, waiting for the ball to roll into his hands and the only gap that existed was in Sanjay’s perception of reality and what was actually going on in the physical world. That explained why in his playing days he could never make the crease, because he thought he had made it when in actuality he had not. And so while we merely saw saw a fat conceited man choosing to let his in-form partner get out rather than himself. Sanjay saw the expression in Kohli’s eyes and interpreted the depths of his mind, using the same unworldly vision by which he discovers layers of baby-like innocence in the faces of Yusuf Pathan and Jayasurya.

The World Cup, in its nth week, has become a true Kurukshetra with Sanjay as its ethereal purveyor. Like the great battle, it has had its winners and losers. Ricky Ponting was a surprise winner, with Australia showing once again that you cannot discount them as a serious contender. His first week may have been spent humping LCD TVs but now as Cricinfo headlined “Ponting eager for action”. Which is why the Australian board is sending him what most men, looking for action, truly want —-Hussey. On top too was Shahid Afridi, whose number of wickets in the tournament is approaching his real age pretty fast with one of the enduring images of the World Cup being of him standing in his celebratory pose, with his hands aloft and his crotch pushed out—-very classy in a Afridi sort of way. For me Pakistan is the story of the tournament so far with its best moment being when the team joined ranks to filthily abuse one Balaji Rao from Canada, exactly the kind of thing we know the Pakis do when they are united. Now unless one can put together a good “throw tournament away” package, this side might go on to lift the trophy. Finally Ireland was a winner, showing how after all is said is done, cricket still remains a game for those with a big heart.

In the list of losers of course there was India, the body-painted erect-nippled Men In Blue. Now we knew our bowling was weak. What we did not know was that it was Manmohan-Singh weak. No I am not going to make a “Ailaa Piyush Chawla” joke because really what can you expect from the man. For me the stand-out mujrim for India is Harbhajan Singh, whose listless “turn shoulder around till IPL starts” bowling and overall detachment from the proceedings (including that casual one-handed attempt at a Strauss catch) was nothing short of disgusting. Sri Lanka too seems to have lost their way. For that I blame Pepsi. When the aggressive batting spearhead  is morphed into a pallu-dropping crossdresser who takes seduction tricks from the lady who acted opposite Akshay Khanna in Himalayputra, the team has lost much of its psychological edge when facing up to the opposition. Finally the Bangladeshis—–when your fans don’t even know which bus to stone, what can one say of the national team.

And over all of them, winners and losers, minnows and top-dogs, the star attraction has been the all-seeing Eye, Mr. Sanjay, looking and commenting and sometimes giggling like a teenager at a Justin Bieber concert.

I love this game.

65 thoughts on “The World Cup Once Again This Week

  1. First! 😀

  2. 1st..

    [No impersonation of celebs please]

  3. “when your fans don’t even know which bus to stone, what can one say of the national team”

    Sums of the state of the so called BD tigers!!!

  4. This is true GB brand of stuff.The Mahabharat analogy, Ayub Khan starrer Sanjay, Indian team bashing, the Ponting-Hussey joke, the Dilshan ad reference and “Manmohan Singh weak” – delightful read. Loved it.

  5. you know what balaji’s fault was? he had called the pakistani great inzamam ‘aalu’ when the latter visited canada!

    – s.b.

  6. Hahaha… wonderful post.

  7. Saurav ( our new commentator) is worse. In our match against England , he was talking about Indian bowlers bowling ‘lose’ balls and ball still being ‘newish’!

  8. @Gana: “newish” is a Brit. way of putting it …

  9. Gana aka the moron above,

    Maybe you want to look at the dictionary before you fart all over the place.

    Plus what is a “lose” ball? Did he spell it out for you?

  10. GB,
    “when the team joined ranks to filthily abuse one Balaji Rao from Canada”
    And to add insult to injury, it was Balaji Rao who umpire Daryl Harper orddered to shut up!

    Are you serious? Wan’t it a guy called Shiv Kumar Thind.

  11. commentators r pathetic…dada sounds like an announcer in a valet parking lot..making announcements abt scores

  12. What can Dada do? When there is an idiot valet by the name of Dhobi on the field.

  13. he can keep mum…that would be lot better

  14. When there is a valet/clothes washer on the field, Maharaja will of course ask him to wash his car.

  15. maharaja must realize, his days are gone. if he keeps acting like maharaja, he will win many a medals like IPL2011 auction.

  16. Well he took his teams to the WC2003 finals. Dhobi has only washed clothes nicely.

  17. this is 2011…u seem to be living in 2003 forever, like dada

  18. But even in 2011, Dhobi has only washed clothes. And he was learning to use Nirma in 2003.

  19. wow…what sense of humor…will close my nose and run away…ciao

  20. Staying close to Dhoni gives you that smell. Nothing you can do about it.

  21. whys tht smell coming from u then???

  22. Hey Anon and Savita if u wana fight plz redirect ur energies towards fighing KiwiRocker(a paki troll on cricinfo)

    Posted by KiwiRocker on (March 07 2011, 09:02 AM GMT)

    SeenuSabbu: Mate, what match were you watching. Sehwag’s six to Waqar Younis was a good solid edge and so was Tendulkars. Waqar actually nailed Sehwag immediately with his cunning bowling. Actually Akhtar’s bounder to Tendulkar was pretty brutal but sadly it came too late. If Razzaq would have caught Tendulkar off Wasim on 32 then no one will even talk about most over rated batsman in cricket Tendulkar’s inning.While West Indies, Pakistan, SL, Australia have won world cups fair and square being the best teams, India’s WC win in 1983 was a pure fluke thanks to an incredible catch by Kapil Dev. India was not the best team in th–at world cup and did not desrve to win but thats how one day cricket is…
    and many more examples are there…whenever there is an article about India he is the 1st one to spew anti-India and pro Paki venom…

  23. @sid619 …haha, dude i never knew sour grapes cud have a funny angle as well
    thx for the link..will enetrtain myself now 🙂

  24. great post !! Superb connection between Mahabharata and Cricket.
    Amazingly sub standard commentary, and Dada too has now joined the ranks. It is hilarious to hear Manjrekar blurt out non-sense and then Dada repeating the same stuff !!! Hey u missed out on KP’s Hernia !! Good to see Hussey and Eoin Morgan making it back to the WC. If only Praveen Kumar was that lucky !!

  25. @Sid619, Pakistan, best team of 1992 world cup..!!! Australia best team of 1999 World cup..!!! Grow up man… The team which plays better on the day wins. Period.

  26. Oh but do give some credit to England too! They have been single handedly giving us the most entertaining, edge of the seat matches till the time in this first round! They are a darling side now! Honestly, I never expected SA to lose out on taking a paltry 170, what with their celebrated batting line up.
    Nice comparison though! And of course, although the idea of Pakistan, that truly trouble ridden, confused side lifting the trophy does not appeal to me a tiny little bit, it might still be a distant possibility. I sure hope they are drubbed by Australia this week.

    PS: I love the body painted joke!

  27. “wondered why Gods, being Gods, didnt just give the old man his vision back” >> Seemingly, he was offered that, but he refused the same with some funda of his – ‘I culdnt see my sons/nephews when they were alive, I dont wanna see them die’

  28. superb post, GB!. can anyone share a youtube link of Balaji Rao getting abused by Pakis?!(the only Balaji Rao i knew was some fatass poultry farm owner who hobnobbed with likes of Sanjay Dutt)
    And frankly, i m very scared about Pakis going strongly! Hope they lose in quarters!!

  29. hard to decide who’s the worst commentator ever. i thought it was that fat dumbfuck – ranjit fernando. but probably manjrekar trumps him. i m actually missing bedi’s comments. bedi the mandira I mean

  30. “Finally the Bangladeshis—–when your fans don’t even know which bus to stone, what can one say of the national team.”

    Looks like the kiwi’s are kicking the pakistan team right now.

  31. Hats off to Balaji Rao…His raw aggression has made Shiv Kumar Thind look like a kindergartener. 🙂

    Check out what the Tamil-speaking Balaji Rao retorted (in choicest Punjabi expletives) to Gul and Shehzad here:

    If only the current Indian team displayed the same verbal aggression as Balaji Rao or even Venkatesh Prasad…Sigh !!!

  32. no one talks abt “expert” comments by the great Agarkar?! I’m hurt 😉

  33. Dude, one of your best posts!! Really amazing to see this after a long time fro you!

  34. @anonymous You don’t have to spell “loose” and “lose” to know the difference, the pronunciation is different. The former is pronounced as lus while the latter is pronounced as looz. It’s a loose ball, not lose ball. I am a big Sourav fan; his commentary is okayish but nothing special to write home about.

  35. With due respect, you have perhaps forgotten the Mahabharata. It was Sri Vyas who gave Sanjay the special vision (it wasnt ‘sight’). Plus the offer was first made to the blind king who refused it saying he could nto watch his sons and nephews fight.

    Clearly besides the point of the article but always hurts me when ill informed comments are made about the most complete saga I have read.

  36. Regarding Afridi’s age,I wonder how much of a joke it really is. His debut was in late ’96 when it was reported that he was 16 or 17 year old. Back then he did look older for his reported age, but now 31 seems to be correct (purely a hunch based on his appearance). If he was 20-21 back then, that would make him 34-35 now, both his appearance and his energy on the field seem to suggest otherwise; that is, age being closer to 31-32.

  37. MumbaiMeriJaan March 9, 2011 — 3:33 am

    @Anonymous – “Well he took his teams to the WC2003 finals. Dhobi has only washed clothes nicely.”

    Actually Dhoni has won the T20 world cup.

    But you’re right, we should only worship Dada , ignore all his bullcrap (like all bongs do).

  38. LOL..gr8 one GB.Thanx for Shobita boudi and anon. the post got better and better.

  39. Slight correction in the Dhritarashtra story – Gods being Gods, they had actually offered to restore his sight along with tele-vision at least for the duration of war telecast (I don’t remember which God that was). It was actually the blind king’s idea to let Sanjay see the war instead, what with his life-long habit of understanding sounds better than sight and all that kind of stuff.

  40. “Finally the Bangladeshis—–when your fans don’t even know which bus to stone, what can one say of the national team.” – spot on.. also they did not stone.. they “pebbled”

  41. mate u still think Pakistan are hot favorite? after their lose to NZ..
    In fact anyone can win this world cup other than those lame teams once the second stage of round begins its gonna be damn interesting
    favorites to get to semis are India, pak, aus and SL
    as once can imagine u cant ignore NZ or SA either
    gonna be interesting whoever wins..

  42. @ Prakash – Actually Afridi does looks more like 35 years rather than 31. I haven’t seen much energy in him apart from the time when he takes a wicket. Then also his energy is used in giving a star like pose. Only Pakistan match that I watched was Pak vs Sri Lanka and he fielded really pathetically on that day. He gave away lot of runs in fielding and was hardly bending his back while fielding.

  43. Looks like India is determined to give all their batsmen equal opportunity to to score during run chases, however small the chase may be.

  44. Question for audinece on DirectTV/Willo etc : Is Afridi being sponsored by Xoom “Jhat se money to India .com” ?????? That X looks like the symbol.

  45. First Ravindra Jadeja and now Piyush Chawla. What’s up with Dhobi and young boys?

  46. Sarvadaman Banerjee March 10, 2011 — 2:52 am

    So, Mr.TGB are you too sore to accommodate harmless sarcasm now-a-days?
    You can mod as mush…..but, have guts to accept it.
    Dada Bhakth

  47. I miss Arun Lala! I want Arun Lala! Dada is doing his bit to cover up, with regularly shaving off runs from the teams’ total, or indulging in pull down the pants banter with Chiddu and the hair-weaved Bharsha Chogle, but noone can replace the razor-sharp wit and sheer stating-the-obviousness of Lala! And where is six-packed elevation-and-distance LS when you need him? My bet is they will all be back when IPL kicks off, along with Mandira Body! Neone noticed the frightened expressions on the foreign cricketers’ faces when sitting next to purple-turbaned Chiddu, getting louder and more incomprehensible by the day! The show is on!! Nobel for Lala!!!

  48. Manjrekar may be trying his damnedest,but Siddhu tops the list when it comes to tasteless cricket commentary and with malappropisms“Siddhuisms” to boot-Siddhu wins by more than a mile.Thankfully,Mandira Bedi is tied up with a long term contract with Sony Max otherwise Harsha would have had to go for another round of hair transplant/weaving/whatever to say nothing about fans of cricket who would have been condemned to watch another form of the game getting bastardised in the name of “entertainment”.

  49. What about Sourav’s commentary? As a player and captain, when he used to give pre- or post-match interview or conference, he seems so assured and measured. His English was good (coming from St. Xavier’s, it was a a given). His commentary has been a big let down, for me at least.

    Here’s some samples I have heard and remembered.
    1. At the start of the power-play. “Let’s see how much they score in 36 odd balls”. 5 overs = 30 balls?
    2. Sanjay Majrekar made a comment about the play. Sourav repeated it, word for word, in his next opening salvo
    3. In an analysis of Group A, not considering Bangladesh as a test-playing nation
    4. His numerous double starts

    I’m a huge Sourav fan, but his “2nd innings” seems to be going the Javagal Srinath way.

  50. @ Krishanu
    I have to agree.
    Sourav voice sounds meeker than a Wahhabi’s third wife in a burkha.
    And he goes on and on about Eden Gardens.

  51. Dhritirashtra did not want the eye-sight back just to see his sons die.

  52. @krishansu
    1. At the start of the power-play. “Let’s see how much they score in 36 odd balls”. 5 overs = 30 balls? – his assumption was that there will be at least one over of wide/no balls. not his fault, there was one ajit agarkar in his team

    3. In an analysis of Group A, not considering Bangladesh as a test-playing nation – he never considered them a test playing nation, never

  53. Awesome post GB! Love the comments too! Please make more frequent posts as the tournament reaches the orgasm stages- QF, SF and the final, before the grand Final of them all- the IPL.

  54. GB, I think you wrote the post just for the sake of writing. I didn’t find life in it. You seemed to be quite a bully here.

  55. No World Cup can be completed with the Great Akmal Show

  56. worst commentator is kambli if u guys have ever heard his commentary. he had to be removed just after 2-3 matches.
    just an example he described running between the wickets as ‘bhangambhagi’ lol

  57. Viru about SRT in TOI

    “His presence is so imposing that the opposition teams forget that there are other players in the Indian team.” Virender Sehwag said.

    Nagpur explains why oppositions do that !

  58. Bloody loosers.
    Wasted my saturday.
    O greatbong, a post on this loss please. Please give us your views.

  59. Thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. Great Bong always seem to be in his element on cricket related topics. Cannot agree more on Sanjay and his never-ending commentary !

  60. Savita, I love you shona. Will you be mine? I will teach you commentary

  61. One of the best GB posts I have come across recently.This is the real GB stuff, expect more as the world cup progresses.


  63. @souvik
    calm down. take that afridi poster and cleenex and get to a room.

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