Inspired by this, the basic premise suggested by author Samit Basu and another idea by Chittaranjan, here is a top 5 List of the Richest Hindi movie fictional characters, brought to you by Borbes magazine.
5. Y. Raichand
Net Worth: 50 billion
Living in a Scottish castle, commuting by helicopter, and having daily parties where hundreds of women dance in lock-step, the Raichands have always symbolized opulence, khandaani wealth and old world Indian values. Though they maintain their position in the list, primarily because of their investment in high-fructose corn syrup, sugar, heart-shaped balloons, pink cards and romance novels, it has been a stormy year with the next-in-line providing a record 17 flops (if we include his 3 identical copies on a mobile ad, it would be 51 flops), long-time confidante and business partner Kamar Singh defecting and the patriarch tweeting non-stop through it all without much of an “Idea” as to what’s going on.
Net Worth: 100 billion.
Replacing Kunwarji who is now spending his Lamhe in jail after being caught by an “underage” sting operation, Loin jumps into our list at number 4 this year because of the appreciation of “Sona” in world markets following the credit crisis. Owner of Loin Enterprises, originally dealing in contraband gold bullion, he has been off the charts for quite a while. While Mr. Loin declined to be interviewed saying that “saara saher mujhe already jaanta hai” , Mr. Raabert, corporate communications, speaking exclusively to Borbes (full interview for registered users), gave us some vital insights into their corporate strategy.
We have traditionally been in the “Sona” (gold) and “Mona” (white East European girls) market with “Mona Ke Saath Sona” as a value-added service. Recently, with the scrapping of IPL nights, some of our traditional business areas have been adversely affected. Luckily though, the appreciation of gold has more than compensated for these losses. Our greatest money-earner though has been our recently introduced value-added service offerings in the mobile telephony market where we, without telling the subscriber of course, sign them onto “Get an Ajit joke every day”. I cannot tell you how many people love reading “Smart Boy” on their phones. Of course we have a service de-activation facility, people call in if they want to cancel and hear a recorded voice which says “Tawny isko mobile se immobile kardo, zindagi se unsubscribe automatic ho jayega” and once they hear that, all of them decide it’s not a bad idea to pay Re 1 a day.
3. Dr. Dang:
Net worth: 500 billion
Dr. Michael Dang, the education magnate and owner of Karma Enterprises, had a marvelous year. His self-help book “Thappar Ki Goonj: Don’t get mad, Get Even” sold more copies than the sum total of all Bibles and Agatha Christies sold. His network of management institutes (I3D: Indian Institute of International Dreamers) expanded powerfully,with the new “Super-accelerated MBA in a Day” and “Turbo-charged MBA in an Hour” programs becoming insanely popular. Talking to our reporter Dr. Dang said “MBA diya hai abh PhD bhi denge, aiye customer tere liye” and gave us a preview of his “PhD in a second” program (details available for registered members), which we have been told has had a massive advance response, with a future leader of a moribund Eastern state already singing up for the PhD. He also expressed his interest in moving into social gaming—-“Why kill people when you can kill their time?” was what he said at the end of the interview, while squirting a syringe full of tomato ketchup on his bald head.
Net worth: 1000 billion.
Mogambo’s core business of selling missiles that look like dildos and dildos that look like missiles remains as strong as ever. Taking advantage of regional insecurities and the steadily growing indebtedness of deficit-ridden USA to the People’s Republic of Dongri-La and their leader Dong, Mogambo has been successful, principally through his agent Fu Manchu, in selling a large number of missiles and dildos to Dongri-La. What has been surprising though for industry-watchers has been his foray into lobbying, first brought into focus in the infamous Rodia tapes wherein prominent journalists were caught telling him how they had pushed his agenda surreptitiously in the media space to which the elusive billionaire’s voice was captured saying “Mogambo Khush Hua”.
1. Kancha Cheena:
Net worth: 500000 billion
His first real-estate deal was the small coastal village of Mandawa which he converted from a sleepy fishing colony to a pleasure resort. From these small and humble beginnings, Kancha Cheena has become one of the world’s richest men, with properties in Manhattan, London and of course Mumbai where he is reputed to own several “Adarsh” cooperatives. One of the very few investors in housing who was untouched by the collapse of the housing market (he recently bought Shakaal’s island lair at throwaway prices after it got re-possessed) Kancha Cheena has quadrupled his worth over the last few years on the shoulders of the Indian government’s SEZ policy.
“If you want to acquire land, the same techniques still work. Find the school-master and get him embroiled in a sex scandal”, he said, playing playfully with the bikini-strings of one of his “business associates” while we interviewed him, ” It would have worked for the car-plant but woh chief minister mujhe sirf Karl Marx ka Bangla translation dene ko raazi hua. So I did not accept. And see what happened.”. (read full interview in the premium section). When asked whether it was true that he owned an IPL team, he took a sip of martini and said quietly “I own the tournament. I own all the franchises. Except one. That one is cursed. Even I wont touch it. That and those Kochi uniforms.”
So what will the man with the golden finger touch next? “I think I own enough land to last me a lifetime. Now I have started owning air, essentially buying spectrum —1G, 2G, 3G, 4G…any ring-rong-ring that I can find through my new front company Rajakani.”
When asked if he has any personal projects in the pipeline, he said, stroking his mustache, “I have always wanted to murder the English language. So I am thinking of writing a book for the Indian market, popular fiction set in an engineering college….”
0. Ravi Verma
Net worth: Infinite.
Uske paas Ma hain.