Agni The Fire

Like many of my fellow countrymen, I am drawn to Big Boss [my column in Sunday’s DNA] in the same way that I find myself fascinated by the sight of  maggots infesting an apple. For years, this attrition-based reality show has provided the nation with a cultured clash of ideas, public debate, civilized discourse, tension, solitude and most importantly, bouncing bosoms, wagging fingers and bad language.

Through the seasons, I have seen guests come to the Big Boss house for different reasons —some like Shakti to get rid themselves of alcoholism and make a point to the nation, some like Mr. Mahajan come to hit on women (and when he hits them, they stay hit), some like Rakhi, Sambhavna and Kashmira come to launch themselves into the world of reality shows. As a matter of fact, I was sure I had heard everything except —“I am a wannabe celebrity and want to make money by fighting and bitching.”

I was wrong. There are still more reasons. [Link and Link]

“After thoughtful consideration I decided to participate as an inmate in the (Bigg Boss) house so that I could reach out to as many people as possible. The house is much better than the ‘so-called’ temple of democracy,” he had said.

He also cited another reason for his decision – to make the women in the Bigg Boss house more aware of the situation of girls in the society.

“I want to make them realize just how many girl children are killed in the womb and how many women are burnt alive in the name of sati,” he told a newspaper……………..

There have been occasions, when criminals transform into revolutionaries. Pooja Missra revolutionary ban sakti hai – yehi ummeed leke jaa raha hoon.

Yes ! Swami Agnivesh is going in and he is taking no prisoners. What could be nobler than making Mahek Chahel aware of the state of wombs or informing superflirt Sid about the situation of girls in society or making Sonali Nagrani believe in the virtues of transparency or inculcating sraddha in Sraddha or transforming the great Pooja Mishrra into a revolutionary, a Gandhiian with Puns, a Valmiki of our times? As a matter of fact the last time I heard something as gloriously selfless was when Jesus Christ died for our sins, significantly after being in a closed room with twelve other people.

Of course, the brave Swami is facing flak for this selfless decision. Some are accusing him of lowering the image of saffron. Some are aghast that he has compared Big Boss’s house with Parliament, a comparison which I personally believe lowers the dignity of Big Boss’s House.

But I say, rock on Swamiji. I am with you. I was feeling a void after Brahmachari Shakti Kapoor was eliminated but seeing you in his place, has gladdened my heart. With so many cat fights and Meowists about, only a best friend of  Maoists can bring peace and positivity. With his sterling record of being an unifier in the Anna movement,who better than him to pacify nerves, soothe egos and promote the ideal of synergy and peace that Big Boss is all about.

Not only will his advent be good for Big Boss, but it will also be beneficial for the Swami. Right now, his achievements page, except an endearing picture with the Real Big Boss, is a bit light, a fact that is recognized by the “Many other achievements are in under construction”. Well Big Boss will provide him a platform to construct many other glorious achievements that will be talked of, in years to come, with the whispered reverence one reserves for Asmit Patel and Dolly Bindra.

Only two things the good man needs to be aware of.  First given the type of contestants there, if one of them come to you all friendly, do not drop your guard. Like you did here. [Video]

Even more importantly, remember that in the Bigg Boss house, there are cameras everywhere and everything he says will be recorded. In the past, the Swami has had slight problem with respect to cameras and recording gear. Like the time when he was caught in conversation with Kapil someone (his enemies claim it was Sibal, his friends say it was Dev) running down a movement he was ostensibly a member of.  So the  Swami will do well to remember that when he is given a khufiya karya by the Big Boss inside, it is important to do it properly without getting busted.

But something tells me that he already knows all this.

So beware Mahek. Beware Jalebi Bai. Beware Laxmi Bhai. Beware Sky.

Agni is in the house.

18 thoughts on “Agni The Fire

  1. Confused on this point... November 9, 2011 — 8:44 pm

    Wow first for once!!…

  2. Confused on this point... November 9, 2011 — 8:50 pm

    A bit surprised to find a new post at around 3:00 pm EST on a Wednesday.

  3. Things remain in drafts. And then get posted. Good to see people concerned with when I post if not what I post.

  4. “Naari tum keval Shraddha ho!” … Beware Sid, you have competition!! Great post!

  5. First time so high on the list 🙂 Hurray!!! Agni replacing Shakti… wonder what interpretations one might make!!!

  6. And he opens batting with ‘Nari tum Shraddha ho’.

  7. Nice! Very well written. 🙂

  8. Lovely imagery it’ll make….he doing tapasya…and the girls prancing around him trying to do tapasya bhang

  9. Agni and Sky…big boss house has some element to it.

  10. How cool would it be if Ms.Roy decided to join him!

  11. agni – doing a vesh like his pseudo predecessor Ram Mohan Roy – stooge / lackey of the British

  12. This makes as interesting reading as the swami ji’s entry in the Big Boss House. The house will definitely be better than the ‘so-called’ temple of democracy, as it is “fake-cracy” there, one he truly believes in.
    Last year it was Ms. Pamela Anderson, this year Swami ji..Wonder what will be next..Rahul Gandhi
    But what an achievement, to be compared in the ranks of Pamela Anderson. Great Going Swamiji….
    U Rock ” Nari tum keval Shradha ho”

  13. sorry..but your posts are getting a little old… just constructive criticism if you will…but a lot of your recent posts read like sequels that shouldn’t have been made…

    still hoping for the return of the Bong 🙂

  14. Pranesh Chaudhary November 13, 2011 — 12:24 pm

    Greatbond, I have been a very regular follower of your blog but I have a question which belies the fact mentioned in the first part of this line – why do the first 3-4 comments always mention Iphones or Ipods? Did you promise in some very old post of yours to gift one to the first to post comment or is it just that you will bring it for them when you visit India?

    I will wait for the answer and in the meantime, will go through your review of Rockstar 🙂

  15. Pranesh Chaudhary November 13, 2011 — 12:24 pm

    Sorry for the typo, it is Greatbong indeed 🙂

  16. Pranesh,

    No I do not do either. Thank you.

  17. Highly irritating, if I dare say so, to see the plethora of “First”, “Second!”, “Ipad!!” comments after every one of your posts.

    Seems like imbeciles participating in a who-can-fart-the-loudest contest.

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