The next time Pakistan makes a medium-range ballistic missile, I hope they call it Fakhri. Cause the lead lady of “Rockstar”, a veritable Sanjay Kapoor in ladies clothes, is a messenger of celluloid destruction. So stilted, artificial and halting is her performance that she makes Katrina Kaif look like Katherine Hepburn. I kid you not.
Looking at the promos and the adulatory reviews on Rediff, I thought “Rockstar” would be a somewhat original movie. Bollocks. I have seen “Rockstar” before. Many times.”Dil Ka Kya Kasoor” had the hero singing “Ga Raha Hoon Is Mehfil Mein” while the lady who causes his dard, Divya Bharati, dies in the hospital without makeup. In “Disco Dancer” Mithunda channels the grief of his mother being accused of thievery and the trauma of watching Rajesh Khanna dance to emerge as a great dancer of disco. As a matter of fact, dig up old VHSs of 80s and 90s movies. If any of them has the tag-line “A musical love story”, odds are it’s the same story as “Rockstar”.
Of course this is the 2010s. Which means generous dollops of pretension is a must. Hence “Rockstar”, as the critics would tell you, is a poetic journey of self-discovery where a tortured soul finds the artist within. Jim Morrison style.
Yeah right. More Danny Morrison I say.
Ranbir Kapoor (Janardhan Jakhar) wants to be a rockstar. Hence he is advised Kader Khan-ishly “Bakhurdar, bansoori agar tooti naheen to sur mein woh dard kahaan?”. Of course, “Rockstar” doesn’t have *this* line. If it did, it would be, oh so downmarket 90s.
Anyways, in order to make beautiful moosik, Janardhan Jakhar starts looking for pain like Prince Siddhartha.
He finds it. So does the audience.
In the form of Nargis Fakhri. And her histrionic abilities.
Love, heartbreak and disease follows as Janardhan Jakhar, now metamorphoses into Jordan (a hat-tip to Jimmy?), a bad-ass international (world famous in Prague only) rockstar.
The problem is that even after he becomes a rockstar on the path of self-destruction, Jordan remains very tame. He does not bite pigeons like Ozzie or stuffs drum full of explosives like Keith Moon or make sex-tapes with Pamela Anderson like Tommy Lee. Instead, he dresses up as one of the extras from the song “Khatooba” and mopes about like Rahul Roy in Aashiqui.
As a normal human being, Janardhan Jakhar was at least interesting. As the wild rockstar, he becomes a deadly bore, almost as excitingly demented as Alok Nath in leather and chains. Which is where the movie is totally killed, despite Ranbir’s sincere performance and A R Rahman’s music.
The final verdict?
Simply that, even after all the hype, hoopla and media frenzy, the greatest Hindi movie about an international rockstar in peril in Europe still remains Himesh-bhai’s “Aap Ka Surooorr”. [My review]
At least it was wildly entertaining.
“Rockstar” isn’t even close.