“Wait, wait” you say. “What’s so new about this? All of us guys have installed this Virtual girl thingie on our desktop at some point of time or the other—-the busty lady who dances at the bottom right hand of the screen and secretly loads our machine with spyware like Bonzaibuddy, Gator, Websearch and other such digital scum —all the time swaying to and fro sensuously.”
“Well big boy, you are wrong. That was then. This is now.”
I shall let V-girl speak.
I am not just another pretty face. I am supported by artificial intelligence. I act like a real girl—I laugh, I flirt, I chat—I can even blow you kisses. I will listen to your problems as we get to know each other. I might even reveal my deepest secrets to you.
“Artificial intelligence?” You ask “wasn’t that about decision trees, neural networks and a little robotic boy who saw dead people? When did Marvin Minsky talk about blowing kisses? What the hell is this ?”
I smile. What You don’t know is that sex sells basic scientific research—funding authorities/venture capitalists now almost always ask—“All this technology is good but where’s the sex?” Well almost always.
“V-girl is a virtual creation that will reside in your cellphone. Depending on how you interact with her, she will flirt with you. You will have to buy her gifts, pamper her (like paying a huge amount as subscription fees), treat her like an adult Tamagotchi. And in return, you shall have something you always dreamt of—-a girl who does not point out how fat and bald you are and who does not mind you taking other “virtual companions” (all companions come with a price tag)–in fact she even offers them?
“Buy her gifts? Isn’t she virtual?”
“Cheap bastard. She may be virtual but the people who have developed the technology are real people. They have bills to pay. And like most corporations they are also out to fleece you.”
“Mmm will she speak dirty to me…can we have cybersex? All the real girls I meet in chat rooms turn out to be guys” you ask morosely.
I shall again let V-girl speak.
We can have exciting conversations about all sorts of things. You can watch me as I go through my daily life. I will offer you companionship, commitment, entertainment, advice and a whole lot more. However I will not have real or virtual sex with you. Sorry!
“Damn. Just what I need—a girl who offers commitment and advice but no sex.”
“Don’t worry” I say “As V-girl points out in the FAQ section, you can get married to her in the higher levels of the game which you can reach if you shell out sufficient amount of money (gifts and subscriptions) …….but remember no sex. ”
“Sounds suspiciously like an Indian marriage” you say.
“Talking of Indian, I have a strong suspicion that this V-girl is targeted towards Indian men. I wonder why. For starters, the name of the V-girl is “Maya”. One of her “friends” ( I understand you can purchase their companionship also) is “Anju from India”—-in the gallery section she is shown exercising with the focus of the virtual camera being exactly where Indian men look while making conversation with Anjus and Mayas. ”
“No thanks”–you say. “Much as I like technology and the idea of advancing a relationship on the basis of gifts and subscriptions, I think I shall have to give it a pass. My Shaadi.com ad came through and I am getting married to a wheatish-complexioned, convent-educated girl who does “service” and is “loving and modern with traditional values” —I do not need this any more.”
“Well I would still ask you to consider V-girl. When you have the mandatory discussion of past boyfriends and she reels off the voter’s list of the constituency she lived in, you could mention, as your past flames, Maya and Anju—at least it sounds a lot better than Mr. Right Hand.
Think about this. Keep your cellphone turned on and sleep with it next to your pillow. A threesome every night ! Not even rappers are that lucky.”
So come on out–all you geek boys, the never-been-laid programmers—-you have nothing to lose except being losers.
Get your V-girl (TM) today. Technology has never been sexier.