Classic Dance of Love—the Review

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The movie of the year. Hands down. Not just this year, the movie in question might very well rank among the top Indian celluloid classics ever made—maybe just a tad below Kanti Shah’s Tarantino-esque epic “Gunda” but then again just a tad.

The movie’s name is “Classic Dance of Love” which brings together the trinity of creativity, the last survivors of the Nouvelle Vague (that’s Francais for New Wave—-not “vague” as in English) cinema that was originated by Truffaut, Goddard et al—–the trinity being B.Subhash, Bappi Lahiri and the Supreme Lord and God of all things—-Mithun Chakraborty. Just like Bhamha, Vishnu and Maheshwar’s creative forces led to the creation of Durga, so it is with “Classic Dance of Love”.

It is very difficult to write a review for this movie. How can one review the Mona Lisa or Beethoven’s seventh symphony or one’s first kiss? It’s just not possible but I am going to give it a try—taking the aid of pictures and text.

The movie opens in Fellinesque fashion with Mithun-da clad in chains last worn by Sean Connery in the “Rock” standing in front of the setting sun (masterfully rendered by B. Subhash’s multimedia company—-Sixar by a painting of a yellow circle against a red background drawn on a piece of cardboard—the DVD commentary mentions that to be the backside of an old hoarding for Mithun-da’s movie “Commando”) asking the sun in a thundering voice a question which even Plato, Socrates and Schopenhauer could not answer:
Paap kya hain, punya kya hain?” (What is sin? What is piety?)

The scene shifts to a crowded market place. Mithun-da wanders in, clad in chains—a blank insane look on his face—the same face he had when Sridevi left him standing in the temple when they had gone to get married.People mock and jeer him (Picture 1) as the madman who walks with a chain around his ankle—and then someone makes a mistake.

The scene shifts to a crowded market place. Mithun-da wanders in, clad in chains—a blank insane look on his face—the same face he had when Sridevi left him standing in the temple when they had gone to get married.People mock and jeer him (Picture 1) as the madman who walks with a chain around his ankle—and then someone makes a mistake.He says “Good Morning”.

Mithun-da looks at him, eyes fixed and in a voice that would make the blood of tigers run cold (old jungle proverb) he says:

“What is so good about the morning?” in perfect English.

A cruel man tells Mithun-da to dance and if he dances then the man will give Mithun-da a laddoo. Mithun-da says that not even Nataraj can dance with chains round his neck (but we all know that Mithun-da is a bigger God) but that Mithun-da can—because the dance in question is the “Classic Dance of Love”.

Then it begins (Picture 2). Mithun-da starts bogeying in chains, his face contorted like a man pumped up with Viagra, moving with the supple grace of Houdini. In a time warp out come the 80s backup dancers (Picture 3)—-the overweight, bursting-at-the-seams aunties, bringing back the refreshing innocence of an age gone by to the tired 2000s.

After that dance , a cop comes to him pointing out that Mithun-da is bleeding from dancing in chains. Mithun-da turns to the cop and says: “Yeh khoon nahin —mere krodh ka rang hain. Chatega ise?”

(“This is not blood but the color of my anger. Want to lick it?”)

Needless to say, the frightened policeman does not take up Mithun-da on his offer.

Then starts a flashback—-Mithun-da used to be a rich and famous man—Dr. Ramgopal Acharya who like most PhDs lived a life of celibacy (or as some call it: severe sexual frustration). He was a religious/moral preacher who thought that women are the root of all evil—-of course he made a distinction: there is the woman as mother, wife, sister —pure and life-giving, [examples Nirupa Roy, Mayawati , Mamata Banerjee and girls in Jadavpur University engineering department] and then there is the woman as the agent of the Devil, the seductress, temptress [examples: girls in Jadavpur University Arts department].

A man of science, he also explains the General theory of relativity to his disciples (the most lucid enunciation of this, the most complex of concepts) .

“There is no time, no space. Only zero.”

Indeed.

Dr. Acharyais approached by a dashing-look Navin Nischol, UK’s biggest industrial tycoon, who entreats Dr. Acharya to help him rescue his son who has fallen into the clutches of a temptress—-“Kaliyon ka chaman” Meghna Laddoo sorry Naidu or “Doli”.

Doli is a poor innocent girl who dances around, under the loving supervision of madam Himani Shivpuri (this is the lady who played the lady doctor in Hum Aaapke Hain Kaun and Anupam Kher’s “love interest” in DDLJ) , catering to a crowd of the most vulgar louts (Picture 4) ever captured on screen all the while trying to keep her oodles of fat from bursting out of her rather inadequate clothes (Picture 5)

She dreams of a knight in shining armour riding a white horse to come and rescue her. Well I don’t know if she gets the hero she always wanted but she certainly gets the white horse all right (Picture 6) —-the son of Navin Nischol whose acting makes Hayden Christensen look like De Niro and who sprouts amazing lines:

“You look sexy in my lungi”

Dr. Acharya drives a wedge between the two lovers haranguing the poor Doli with the kind of moralizing bombast that would make Bal Thackeray, Mullah Umar and my wife proud. Then to extract revenge, Doli infiltrates Dr. Acharya’s peace haven (ashram) and launches a campaign of targeted titillation where she swing from a tree (like Drew Barrymore in Poison Ivy), takes endless dips in the water to cleanse herself and touches Dr. Acharya’s feet at every opportunity.

The story reaches a “climax” as Dr. Acharya starts losing his senses and goes wild with lust (Picture 7).

Will Dr. Acharya satiate his physical desire with the voluptuous Doli? Will Doli lose weight? Will the hero run back for his heroine? Will Bappi Da compose an original tune? Watch “Classic Dance of Love” to find out.

Whether it is showing Mithun-da having a wet-dream or talking to himself (in different voices and using different facial expressions ) like Smeagol or making Himani Shivpuri (a lady on the wrong side of 50) dance in a low cut , tight, short dress and shake her stuff (Picture 8) or punching in “intimate scenes” from “Romeo and Juliet” between Di Caprio and Claire Danes to increase the sexy quotient of his movie, B. Subhash is in total control of the celluloid medium.

Mithun-da crackles —playing a professor of Physics and Metaphysics for the first time and dominating every scene he is in. Special mention must be made of his expressions of unbridled lust every time Doli touches his feet—-when he gutturally groans, with his eyes half closed, ” Utho utho” (Rise Rise), you don’t know if he is asking Doli to stand up or something else.

A command performance—if there ever was one. Bhappi Lahiri’s moojick is melliflous as ever—recycling his 80’s tunes with gay abandon and the camerawork also is dizzying—- concentrating on interesting angles whenever there is a lady dancing.

Technical brilliance, an innovative, twisted plot, sensuality and a central theme of the eternal conflict between orthodoxy and bulging fat, “Classic Dance of Love” scores in all departments.

A stupendous achievement in Indian movie history.

As the punchline says:” It’s a classic. ”

Thumbs straight up.

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59 thoughts on “Classic Dance of Love—the Review

  1. Bhamha or Bramha … though it could be Braahmaa or Brahma ….but i guess “r” is an essential element.

    just goes to show what extent dimwits like me go to, just to get heard !

  2. Finally!!!

    Someone did justice to this piece de resistance of our times!!! Finally someone has written a review, appropriate and tribute to this “classic” exotica!

    Man – I thought I was the only one who had seen this movie – oh wait – endured oops enjoyed this movie – esp Mithunda in chains (theMAN!). But I am so happy that there is yet another individual other than me who not only has seen this movie, but has paid a fitting tribute to this this modern day “Classic”!!

    Hehe – keep churning such mithundas!!! Jai Mithun!

    Suyog

  3. Observation on JU Girls dead on. Hope JU Arts still keeps admitting the dollies :-).
    Now in the movie,
    does mithunda’s sister or bhabi gets raped ?
    does mithunda ride on his bullet to save a probable rape candidate ?
    No * rating for this movie?
    BTW, Is the DVD of this masterpiece still available in market, Man tough work to search for it.
    Keep entertaining us GreatBong.

  4. a> Where do you find these films? I don’t think I’ve seen them anywhere, and YOU live in USA.

    b> Mithun oozes lechery, you know?

    c> HOW proud I am to be JU Arts! 😀 Now I am Temptress and Seductress!

  5. Awesome review!

    Awesome blog!

    The title ‘GREAT’bong is well deserved, I must say! 🙂

    BTW, have you seen ‘Jo Bole So Nihal’? Give it a shot, you won’t be disappointed. If you want, I can send you a DVD for you to see the movie and review it!

    JD

  6. Well-meant advice:
    Don’t waste more space on Ganguly and do more Mithunda reviews. That’s where your unique voice lies.

  7. Tumi. Just. BOSS! seriously, eta ami etobaar boli je ekhon cliche hoye gechhe, but man, it’s true!

    sisters…girls in Jadavpur University engineering department and then there is the woman as the agent of the Devil, the seductress, temptress [examples: girls in Jadavpur University Arts department] — uff, ami ki marattock flattered ki bolbo! aar, erm…the wife does not read the blog, does she? 😉

  8. @Kele Panchu, JAP, Partha, Sudipta, Srin:
    I saw the VCD version of the movie—I picked it up for Rs 100 at a shop in City Center, Calcutta this Pujo. I also picked up a collection of mp3 songs of mithun-da for the sum of Rs 50 which for 50 songs wasnt a bad deal. The DVD of this movie is also available at Nehaflix where the price has been reduced from $19.99 to $5.00 odd—I wonder why.

    And let me point out that “Classic Dance of Love” was one of the most keenly awaited releases this year which got international press….if you dont believe me check out the big feature BBC did on the pre-release of the movie.

    Of course the DVD voice commentary bit I added here was pure imaginary.

    In future, I plan to create a mini tribute site to Gunda—the greatest Hindi movie ever made and shall link it from my blog.

    @Awhan: Blame it on my Bong way of pronouncing.

    @Anil: Thanks…:-)…I wish they would take me.

    @Suyog the Supremus: Aha. Another man of great taste. I am happy too to find a reader of mine who also shares my love and respect for Mithun-da so much that we sit through “Classic”

    @Partha: There is a rape attempt on Doli and Humani Shivpuri (yes you heard that right)—remember that Mithun-da here is the “bad man”…so the tables have turned a bit.

    @Puranjoy: Tathasthu.

    @Srin:b) Lechery? Mithun-da? Nooo no way.
    c) Proud you should be.

    @SD 🙂

    @Mobius: 🙂

    @DkJariwala: I saw parts of Jo Bole…will attempt a complete sitting sometime.

    @K: Thank you.

    @Anon: Though I would like to take this as a positive suggestion, there is something I would like to ask you. Would you be saying the same thing if I paid “homage” to non-Bengali “icons” like Rajni, Nana Patekar et al in the same style ? Because I remember my saying that Lata Mangeskar’s rendition of Vajpayee’s poetry was an attempt to please people in power didnt go down as well from certain “non-parochial” “Indian” commentors. For the record, I am myself a big Lata Mangeskar fan (though Asha is a bigger favorite)

    Mind you, I do not consider the regional origins of celebrities before I pay “homage” to them.

    @Debasish: Thanks

    @Another yourfan: Thanks. However links to pictures of topless girls could have been avoided..the point could very well have been made otherwise.

    Not that I have any objection to topless girls but since many people read this blog from work, I would prefer not to put links people may click on and get themselves into trouble.

    @Rimi: My wife is from Arts also…so she takes this as a compliment.

  9. dada, ami ki bolbo.. just great, ur post too are are just like the beethoven 7th symphonies.. unreviewable … Great Mithunda, did u read the interview of mithunda by his Sonny. goes like:
    Mithunda Jr: is it true dad that you were linked with so many heroines? and if so is it ok also for me to get linked??

    Mithunda: Its ok to have relations but one night stand is Bad.

    Words of wisdom I say.

    Did u do u doctorate from maryland, if so do u happen to know Thoihen, he was doin his docs in econ. my Schoolmate.

  10. Sure go ahead and do the reviews on non-Bong personalities too. I can speak for myself that I wouldn’t find anything objectionable in that, though I can’t promise for others. Your writing on Mithun does play a factor: it’s like proving your credentials that you spoof on Bong characters too so you can spoof on non-Bong characters too.

    I know that’s not the way things should be, but well, that’s how they are in India. People appreciate comedy when they make fun of themselves.

  11. ha ha ha ha ha this was so much fun…i have to stop reading your blogs in office…too many raised eyebrows for what i am finding hilarious about my work…
    btw i reached your blog co i did i a google on parbab mujherjee…
    this is the only good deed that i can attribute to the man

  12. Apun ke Mithunda ko kuch bolne ka nahi kya ??? Warna ??? Maarega sarr pe hagega ghar pe…Good post man… Hilarious… Bappi with Mithunda and B.Subhash…well this movie Im eagerly looking forward to..BTW last Mithunda movie i enjoyed was ‘Jallad”. Double role double d fun 😉

  13. I am determined to see `Classic’, altho’ I haven’t got the dvd. Without watching the movie, reading the review is like watching Name of the Rose without reading the book. I’m sure many significances missed will come thru then.

    Gb, does Ajit ever ignite in you the same reverence and awe as does Mithun-da? Ajit did it for me for a long time. The plot of the mega hit, Yadon Ki Baraat’, for instance, hinged on god’s serendipitous slip in making Ajit’s one feet slightly bigger than the other, thus forcing him to wear size 10 shoe in one foot and size 9 in the other. Had this crucial distinction in Ajit’s footwear not been there, and had his shoes not been new and so, the soles not still embossed with 9 and 10, the hero would have never discovered the villian. And Yadon would have, of course, been a flop. This is just one illustration – necessarily reductive of the genius – that Ajit’s greatness kindled in his script-writers, dialogue writers, wardrobe managers, etc. On top of all this was his own virtuosity.
    Loin or No. 17?

    I’ll cut this short. Just wanted to say that just as Mithun gets you weak-kneed, Ajit did the same for me. Cheers!

  14. Classic Dance of Love’s review was complete pwnage man. Hey GREATBONG, I know about many such movies, If i sent u the names, would u bother reviewing em if u found their vcds / dvds somewhere??? This uis arguably,. the best movie review ive ever read in my life. way to go!!!

  15. The review is outstanding.

    Where do you get all these pictures?

    You are too young to know the problems associated with middle aged men (!) – so how can you pun ?

  16. @Anthony: Yes one night stands are bad—so mercenary and so animalistic. I agree. We shall discuss this more @Bhajohori Manna.

    @Oz: Sabar ka phal…you know the rest.

    @Anon: Isnt that sad that Mithun-da is “my own person” and not say Rajanikant or Dev Anand.

    @Bonatellis: 🙂

    @Silbil: You were looking for Parnab—found “Classic Dance of Love” ! God the semantic web has taken off !

    @Bablu: Highly recommended.

    @Rani: Yes I get the point—the devil is in the details..though I have heard that the shoe size is directly proportional to something in a man’s anatomy. Of course the size 9/10 thing makes me rethink that urban legend. Or does it?

    🙂

    @Ex: If I can procure them and thats a big “if” sure. I picked this up in Calcutta—and there too it isnt easy to find these gems.

    @yourfan: I used this software to grab video frames (I have the VCD)

    Yes I am not middle-aged yet but I have an idea of the problems middle aged men face (watching endless ads of Viagra/Levitra on TV may have contributed to that knowledge)—not that I am going to face them myself. Or do.

    Honest.

  17. hey…ur reply to anon makes me wonder if you will do a review of mr prime minister…the latest dev anand film where he is the PM of india called johny master…has an italian wife and has john major’s pic on the wall ha ha ha ha ha and dev saab has also sung a rap song for it…mmmmmm

    but sigh…when i was 16 all i wanted was a man like dev anand in guide…i was the crazy fan who used to write to him diligently…and then one day i saw censor etc…that is also a review worthy film btw
    and if you haven’t seen CLERK u haven’t seen anything in indian cinema…mithun da rocks but manoj kumar …he is a class of his own (thankfully)

    and is parnab friends with mithunda …he used to sit on ashapurna devi’s lap and was best friends with satyajit ray and mahasweta devi and harold pinter…so why not mithunda

  18. Great…
    Mithun has been my one of favorite heros. Before he became the king of B-grade movies, he had some gud movies to his name (family drama, western, romantic…sorry can’t recall names). Hope people remember his ad endorsing National VCR’s..aah that smile. Not to forget his dancing (arms wide stretched…knee to the chest move).
    Coming back to CDoL, I haven’t seen it yet. I love his histrionics in the B-grade movies. But hey, this is what people day dream, escape from reality, to be heroes in impossible situations. In his movies he is no less a man than Keanu in the Matrix series. His movies are desi versions of (technlogically impaired)Matrix with added masala & tadaka.
    WTG Mithun da. I hope to see his son match his popularity.

  19. Good god greatbong..you love mithunda dont you!! Heck..the rate at which the guy keeps making movies I think god loves him more than any other actor on the planet. Fantastic review..will have to put it on my bloghops soon. Do you know mithunda was the first neo and spiderman put together? Think Watan ke rakhwale (where moushumi chatterjee looked more voluptuous than Sridevi) – Mithun scrambling up the jail walls was quite a scene those days.

  20. Greatbong, help needed!

    Once I chanced upon Mithun da flick on B4U movies but can’t rememer its name…

    One scene from the movie goes like this:

    Prabhu Ji, after his sister’s rape or something equally heart-rending, enters a bar-cum-disco named “Xanadu” and asks the bartender for whisky. Bartender informs Prabhu Ji that he has run out of soda, water and ice; upon which Prabhu Ji says: Mujhe rocks per de

    Prabhu Ji drinks to death and subsequently dances till he drops dead(of couse to the tune of Bappi da)

    any idea about the movie?

  21. dada,
    ei tomar blog ta ami favourites e add korlum. diner coding er por ekdom total timepass, like “bhappi lahiri’s moojik”.
    thuri, eita onek besi enjoyable.

  22. WHY NEWTON COMMITTED SUICIDE ???

    Here is the reason.

    Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything
    he had done.

    In the movies of Rajnikant, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes from his movies :-

    1.) Rajnikant has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can’t be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajnikant is shot in the head. To everybody’s surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajnikant !

    2.) In another movie, Rajnikant is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajnikant has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster &
    shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle
    gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

    3.) Rajnikant is chased by a gangster. Rajnikant has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess what he does. Nah? Not even in your remotest
    imaginations…………

    He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajnikant opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches
    the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. “Bang”……….the gangster dies.

    This was too much for Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics.

    The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn’t changed. Oops, not so fast!

    The ‘climax’ finally arrives. Rajnikant gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajnikant can’t jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajnikant has to desperately kill the villain because it’s the climax. (Newton Dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible)

    Rajnikant suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

    Newton Commits Suicide !!!

  23. MithunDa Da Khalsa..

    MithunDa Di Fateh!!! 😛

    Mithun Rocks!! Whenever someone asks me “What’s your name?” I always reply “Eye Yemm Krishnan Iyer Yemm Yay.. Nariyal Pani wala” 😛 😛

    Amazing movie review.. how did I miss this one.. sigh.. must get it soon!! 🙂

    Nirwa

  24. Grrrrrrrrrrreat review man. Unless and until movie is great you cannot have a great review. All credit goes to amader priyo “Mithun-da”.

    Can someone tell me whether the bong movie “MLA Fatakesto” cast by again our fav Mithunda is relesed? If yes can we have a review here.
    tx

  25. Man you are a master-blaster. I thought that I am the greatest ever fan of mithun da antiques, but I am so terribly wrong.

    You have really re-incarnated Him with a true sense of passion. I wish you also do a review on his flick “Hitler” in which he disowns a drilling machine and drill a hole in the wall just by his finger, to hang his millitary cap.

  26. Pingback: Mithun Impossible 3 at Random Thoughts of a Demented Mind

  27. yug yug jiyo mithunda.tomer golden voice fatie dichhe.please amader aro valo hindi film dao.r khub jaldi mimoh sathe ekta bangla ,ekta hindi film koro r fatafati diologue die sobai ke kat kore dao.bujhle ki bolchi.
    ami korbo age tora seta bhabbi pore.

    tomer ei khude fan er ekatai request ebar kolkatai ekta bari banao please.

  28. pls i need a site or a direct mail of mithun or is recent pics because i was told by an india friend that he no longer acts movie anymore.pls reply.

    thanks

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  30. I want it. I seriously want it. I want you to give serious credit to important character of the movie, Aastro Ustro, who, accroding to Bollywood Hayden, speaks French. You can’t neglect his contribution in the form of some light moments, in this rather serious/philosophical movie.

  31. Pingback: The movie of the year. Hands down. Not just this year, the movie in question might very well rank among the top Indian celluloid classics ever made

  32. Pingback: The Ten Most Awesomely Awesome Movies Of The Decade [By Genre] | Random Thoughts of a Demented Mind

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