A series of bomb blasts in Varanasi. Hindu temples, railstations—the standard targets straight from the Jihadi desktop manual. Nothing new….well hold on there is.
Me. I am new this time.
While previously, I used to call Jihadis as “low lifes” and “scum” and wished that they be subject to “Ashfaq”ing without any lube, I have since changed my stance based on comments on previous posts convincing me of the errors in my perception.
Terrorists are people too. Just like child molesters, the Nazis and Sanjay Kapoor. Many of them were not hugged when they were kids, some had delinquent mothers who would cook them broth in pressure cookers (which is why they use them now for bombing purposes), some grew up watching Ravi Shastri bat while others were fed a staple diet of Manoj Kumar–resulting in a pathological hatred of India and a tendency to say “Aajka din bara mahan hain” at the drop of a bomb.
What is mentioned above applies to two kind of terrorists sorry misunderstood people: the ones who come from our friendly neighbour Pakistan ( whose brotherly mindset is demonstrated by them naming their missiles after invaders who raped and destroyed the Indian heartland) and the home-grown ones—the ones who do not swear allegiance to the Indian flag but to a brotherhood of Islam—where non-believers are either to be converted or killed.
Of course, the ones who come from Pakistan don’t exist actually—they are all an Indian government fabrication. As for the second group—the radical Islamists have every right to not accept the “idea of India” despite the fact that they take full advantages of “Indian” citizenship. Oops I forgot…there are no such advantages.
I have also come to realize that when I call for exemplary punishment for terrorists and for the non-scrapping of laws like POTA, I am sending chills down the spines of our minority brothers. Of course, the connection between terrorists and minority brothers was an association that my bleeding-heart commenters made—not me.
I used to like to look upon the Indian Islamic population as consisting of mostly peace-loving, patriotic people with a very small minority of Pakistan-loving traitors mingling among them, those who foment trouble in India and give the entire religion a bad name.
I wanted to send chills down the spines of the latter and not of the former.
However, I have ceased to make such fine distinctions –distinctions which I have realized stem from my “immaturity”. For which I have been adviced repeteadly to stick to writing about Mithun-da and Bhappi-da and not write on politics—which is exclusively the prerogative of advanced, exalted beings.
But you see, I want to be a big boy now. For which I am going to hold “mature” opinions—-i.e. I am going to stick my ass up and say “Come on do your best. I have sinned.” What the sin is I have no idea—I guess I will find out in heaven. Or hell.
Yes I have learnt the mature language. Terrorists have human rights. Victims dont. Victims deserve to get their brains blown over everywhere. Terrorists dont—they deserve biriyani. While it is considered “mature” to wish the death penalty for “rapists”, (because “mature” people never want to say anything that may offend women—oh no how else would they get laid—after all “sensitive men” are always at an advantage in this regard) it is not so for terrorists.
It is pefectly fine to stay in India and plot for its dissolution—India is not a country anyways but instead a collection of warring communities. Yes thus spake my new idol, a Sri Lankan journalist in the comments section of this amazing article he wrote which talks about how the Indian army terrorizes Kashmir.
In case you dont want to wade through his article the point this genius makes is that the Indian army is an occupying force in Kashmir.
And why so?
Because while he was in a phone booth in Kashmir, an armyman asked him to finish his phone call and started threatening the boothwallah to get the customer out (yes I know, such things happen nowhere else in India) and because the Armymen were urinating in a rice field—-(here too, we see a phenomenon not seen anywhere in India but only in the occupied lands of Kashmir). And so after witnessing these two incidents of atrocious atrocity with his unjaundiced eyes, brainiac has come to the conclusion that the Indian army is an occupying force in Kashmir.
Which it no doubt is.
In passing, I also accept that it is perfectly fine to shoot a professor at IISC—-after all that’s more merciful than being refused tenure.
So to prove the bonafides of my new-found “maturity”, I strongly condemn the shooting down of LET cadres by the police.
And as for the dead in Varanasi, I have a message.
Tough luck. This is what you get for being an Indian—-its your vote that supports the government whose instrument —the Army tortures, rapes and pillages everwhere. Hence you should die…and that too in the most horrible ways. More people are concerned about stupid Danish cartoons than the trajectory your interstine took as it imploded under the impact of sharpnel. You are to blame for your own death just like Kashmiri Pandits are to blame for living as refugees in their own homeland. If one of the concomitants of “maturity” is not to care for Pandits, why should we give a rat’s ass for you?
And come on, you get 1.5 lacs each….be happy with that. And tell your next of kin to go after the Danish cartoonist (51 crores reward) or MF Hussain’s hand (11 lacs) to offset some of their financial losses.
You have to understand, we are more concerned with rehabiliating terrorists—giving them the healing touch and doling out money to them so that they can abandon the path of the gun (240 crores to be precise in 2004).We are busy stifling the powers of the law-enforcement agencies as an election gimmick. While mature people cheer from the sidelines since they have caught onto the fact that the way to stop terrorism is not stronger disincentives and greater surveillance but bear hugs and a ten ruppee bill discreetly slipped into the breast-pocket.
Of course not everything has changed. There are some things I said then that I can still do with fearing for reduced blood flow to my balls. For example, the fact that it is communally criminal to take out a Rath Yatra now—the motives of Advani are crystal clear in this regard…to purge himself of the Jinnah comments by creating some more unrest. After all just like coaches tell out-of-form batsmen to watch videos of their best games, somebody has told Advaniji to watch footage of his old in-form self—when his balding gleaming pate reflected the hate of a thousand Saffronites. And he has taken that to heart.
This I can safely say.
But asking for stricter punishments for insufferable scum like Ashfaq Mian —I cannot say that . Ergo I won’t.
And so, after reading all this, my dear readers, do tell me—-am I sufficiently mature enough to write on politics? Have I proven my “secular” credentials?
I promise to carry a Jhola to work, not shave my beard, not take baths for days and shout at the top of my voice that Godhra was an accident.
Pretty, pretty please?