I know you are a busy person. But no matter how busy you are—-boss standing over your shoulder, wife breathing down your neck, three deadlines at 12 tonight, a baby in a burning building: put everything down and sit back.
And read this(Wild, Wetty Dreams) (link via India Uncut) [Update: the article has since been edited with wetty being replaced by witty. Some samples of the original are below. For the original unedited version, (which was up on Hindustan Times Tabloid): please go here] [Update 2: The HT link is now dead–but thankfully the original unedited version is still available. ]
Yes sirs and madams, it has finally happened. The cataclysm we had all been anticipating. The Ingliss language (Indian English) that originated from the love poems of the famous Bangladeshi (yes don’t point out the contradiction please) brothers Horizon and Verizon on Bangla bulletin boards, gathered steam with “May I do fransip with you?” on orkut scrap books and Yahoo messenger, and then spilled out onto Shaadi.com matrimonials has finally made it to the main stream media.
Note kindly the lyrical quality of these lines.
Being a celeb doesn’t accomplish all your dreams. One still desire for more.
Once being abreast of wildest romantic dream of some of them, you will realise that they are like us.
I love to dress like a Punjbai bride, Christian babe, a beautiful parsi girl and like other communities’ bride.
So I love to get married to a man in several times in several ways
Wren and Martin must be wetting themselves in their damp, dark graves in several times, in several ways.
Of course before you smile that superior smirk, let me tell you that there is a method in the madness. For instance the title of the piece is “Wild Wetty Dreams”—-note that the use of the word “wetty”, though strictly not grammatical (as a matter of fact it doesn’t exist) is essential to distinguish the title from “Wild Wet Dreams” which would be dishonest labelling for this piece of Pulitzer material.
It’s an important distinction to make because of the presence of lines like the ones below, which with a different heading on the piece could have been otherwise construed:
Diana Hyden, a beauty with brains thinks of forest, wild animal and her sweetheart.
As you know African forest are dense and you have deadliest of creatures there. I dream of wild animals all around me. I think this one dream I will ever want to get fulfilled.”
Finally pliss to note the beautifully respectful way of addressing women. Christian “babe”. Hollywood “babe”. Bollywood “babe”. Maywati “babe”. And the author’s lovely conception of romance –“commitment-less cavorting on a lonely island with multiple babes”—-a definition that sensitive men all over the world can relate to.
Very very wetty the author of this piece truly is.