Cop A Feel

Paidal chal raha hoon, ek gaari chahiye,
Jeevan ke safaar main ek sawari chahiye,
Akela hain Mr. Khiladi,
Miss Khiladi chahiye. —
Mr and Mrs. Khiladi

All you hot “babes” (as per Hindustan Times lingo)—it’s time that you used your mini-skirts, tank tops, assorted accessories and most-of-all your knowledge of the Page 3 side of the force for the good of the country.


By going on a date with this man. And his other cohorts.

A little background.

After the Mahajan affair, the police have decided to keep strict tabs on the happening parties and clubs in Mumbai (link courtesy Rajeev)—so as to get to the real big users of the drugs Sahil Zaroo peddles.

The Delhi police, starting today, will watch all Page 3 parties in Mumbai very closely. A three-member team headed by Station House Officer of the Connaught Place police station, Suresh Kaushik, arrived in the city yesterday. They will visit parties at short-listed pubs and discos where drugs are taken.

But as it usually happens, getting into the Page 3 circuit isn’t easy. Even for the law. In a sequence straight out of “Police Academy” this is what happened:

The cops did a recce last night, but hit upon a stumbling block. They were not allowed to enter clubs in Colaba, as they were stags. “We will sort out this problem tonight,” the sources told MiD DAY.

So as you can see, these men need dates in order to bust the drug dealers. And these dates for obvious reasons cannot be the Mayawati-Mamata soulsisters employed by the government of India to drag away screaming lady protesters—–they would stand out in a strapless gown in a not-very-complimentary way.

Of course it can be argued that the man in the first picture would also stand out in a group of meterosexual models and gay fashion designers but then again not all gentlemen on the Page 3 circuit are “lookers”. Nor do they dress particularly well.

Coming back to the main point it is fairly evident that the cops needs pretty ladies from the civilian population, well versed in the art of bitchy chitchat and possessing sound (un)dressing sense, to bump and grind against them as they hobnob with the glitterati and surreptitiously search for clues —-of course the fact that the face of one of these investigators being in the papers may slightly hamper the “secrecy” of their investigations is something that should be forgotten.

Remember ladies that the real ACP Rathores of the world are likely to look like the man in the first picture rather than like Aamir Khan. Consequently, they are likely to be lonely men who will get turned away by bouncers at each and every club while the dilettantes snort contraband stuff and engage in mind boggling debauchery inside.

Unless you step up to the plate. And take a “hit” for the country.

26 thoughts on “Cop A Feel

  1. >>And these dates for obvious reasons cannot be the Mayawati-Mamata soulsisters employed by the government of India to drag away screaming lady protesters—–they would stand out in a strapless gown.

    LOL!! 🙂

  2. Arre anything for a good cause! Mein apni Des Ke liye meri expectations qurbaan kardoongi 🙂

  3. I want to become a Cop now. All the plum opportunities to go to Page 3 parties. Wow !!! and I am hoping its free. Earlier, it used to cost a lot man !!!

  4. The party hopping cops are in for a longer haul. According to this link (,001302300003.htm?headline=Ria~holds~keys~to~Rahul's~karma)
    ‘On Wednesday, a team of officers from Delhi’s Connaught Place police station, led by Station House Officer Suresh Kaushik, arrived to meet Deputy Commissioner of Police (Zone I) Nawal Bajaj and other top officers of the Mumbai South region’.

    ‘However Bajaj was away on leave’.

    I think we can conclude that the meeting with Bajaj would take place some other day.

    So those of you who may be late in reading this piece, do not lose hope.

  5. They were not allowed to enter clubs in Colaba, as they were stags.
    Simply priceless!!!

    Also, Amit (of India Uncut) has posted his own take on this matter here.

    And if you do know any miss khiladis…do send them my way too.

    Musings that Amuse
    Think Dull

  6. Hehheh. Poor cops – tch tch – even cops stags are not allowed eh? And here was I hoping that our Indian police would visit these clubs, and aping their hollywood brethern, flash out a card and declare: “Constable. Constable Panduram”.

    Tch Tch – why does such things happen only in movies? I wish these policemen get their dates soon 😦


  7. Why torure the poor girls? Our police force should just hire all the hot babes in town who can always get into any bar or club on ladies’ nights.

  8. Sounds like a good opportunity for all those out of work dancebar girls!!

  9. It just cannot get more hilarious. First Sheela Bhatt,now Page 3 cops.
    If the cops are so serious, most of the snorting in the parties goes on inside the loo, both male and female. It would be interesting to see if the cops are so serious that they set up camp inside the loo (male AND female).

  10. With a pretty face like that, this guy might consider putting on a skirt himself.

    But the Delhi police keeping tabs on parties in Mumbai? LMAO. Like Einstein once said, only two things are infinite – the universe and human stupidity.

  11. thats as surreptitious as u can find them.

  12. and Mayavati and Uma is as hot as u get them

  13. YOURFAN writes:
    @GB: Going by the track record of police force, the policemen along with their “attractive dates” entrusted to enter the pubs and discos to catch drug users will consume drugs themselves. Or worst still will molest or rape their dates!! So who will catch whom? I know, I know there are exceptions – there are good cops but they are just exceptions – right? So why are we letting our own govt fool us this way – why the charade?

  14. Jane bhi do yaroon!!
    If they are unable to get an entry, then our government will bring one more constitutional amendment.


  15. while they r there they may sniff and snort just so as to save time. [these forensic people sit on reports too long]

  16. The hard work, diligence and perseverance of Delhi Police can not be faulted. In contrast, the Mumbai Police now say that they can not locate the key witnesses in the Sallu baba drink, drive, kill and run case.
    According to Mid-Day (
    “We tried to trace them everywhere but have had any success,” said investigating officer Kishen Shengal. Public prosecutor GG Nagrale said, “The witnesses are untraceable at their Mumbai address. They must have gone to their villages in Uttar Pradesh and Rajasthan.

    Mumbai Police need to learn something from the inspectors from Delhi Police. Perhaps the dashing dude can give them some tips on how to plan a trip to Uttar Pradesh and Rajasthan from Mumbai.

  17. @Papu Yadav: 🙂

    @Star: Yay.

    @KK: Me too…..I want to be a cop…this is awesome.

    @Rajeev: Aah well.

    @IndianArchie: But you should be concerned about IndianBetty and IndianVeronica…

    @Suyog: Michael Douglas in BI this guy is not.

    @Dipanjan: Yay baby.

    @Dhananjay: Bad boys bad boys what you gonna do,
    What you gonna do when they come for you
    In the loo, in the loo, in the loo….

    @Mental Baba: And if after that if anyone makes a pass at him, then that guy is demonstrably high.

    @Varsha: True. What a clown this cop is indeed. If he is just going to raid the premises then whats the “stag” deal? And he wants to mix in with the crowd, why the picture?

    @Yourfan: The sordid details of the Jammu sex scandal has brought out the kind of stuff politicians and policeman engage in together.

    @An Ideal Boy: You mean a 49.5% reservation for stags?

  18. interesting that they are more intent on getting into the Page 3 party circuit rather than go for the source of the stuff. but then i guess our cops need nights out as well. after all its for the ‘greater good of the society’.

    speaking of reservations, a 49.5% reservation for stags in all clubs wont do any harm either.

  19. On Reservations – Shouldn’t there be a 49.5 % reservation in Politics and parliament as well ? It is about time that we had a PM from that 49.5 % group ?

  20. Arnab, this is so surreal, because there’s a distinct possibility that I know at least one of the men who are in SHO Kaushik’s posse. Long story (maybe I should blog about it), but I got hit on by the fellow in the strangest, most convoluted way.

    I was promised all kinds of privileges for doing “friendship” with the officer, including free movie tickets at any movie theatre in the Connaught Place area and free food at restaurants :)! Hmm….should have taken up the offer.

    Now SHO Kaushik is no credit to his force, and he’s just an SHO, but once you move on to the IPS officers in the force, there are some mighty fine male specimens there. A few years ago, when I was involved in NGO projects with Delhi Police the ACPs (Assistant Commissioners of Police) were all gorgeous, and very sophisticated, suave men, not like the stereotypical police officers at all.

    In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them are indeed part of the Page 3 circuit in Delhi.

  21. Ooops, I made a mistake. That should read DCP (Deputy Commissioner of Police) not ACP.

  22. when AP govt gave my engineer hubby cell phone with camera was trying to find why the hell the camera. he is neither a reporter nor cop.
    but cops nowadays have the best of perks it seems.

  23. cmmon ladies…..
    If there are pretty women out there who are willing to be seen in the arms of Kishen MoooolahChandani and the likes I dont see why this man should go to a club alone…

  24. umm… about the 1950 Indian barefoot shoe wearing one, I think the other reason was that Indian Govt could not pay for the team to go abroad, because the treasury was busted.

  25. @panu Eeedjit! it is on wrong post you are commenting!!! please to be hitting back button and going to world cup. For commenting here only ladies wearing small-small clothes allowed. Go, take off football strip and return presently in willpower dress 🙂

  26. @Ravi: Indeed it wont.

    @Sanjay: For stags? But wasnt Vajpayee a stag?

    @Thalassa: Post please ! Much interesting—-and what nice tokens of “franship”—not that , as a policeman, it would have costed him any considering he only had to “ask” the theatre owner for complimentary passes (or else…) Maybe they should send these fine male specimens for missions like this instead of SHO Kaushik.

    @Varsha: Cops have always had the best of perks… “free movie tickets” , “free dinner” and generally “baap ka raaj”

    @Salsette: Indeed.

    @Panu: Treasury was busted? Naah I think we were all right then (we werent frightfully bad off during independence)….it was *really* the shoes.

    @Erthrocyte: What to say ! Small small clothes wearing ladies are welcome to comment on all posts incidentally—-and if they do the fact that they are commenting on the wrong post may be overlooked.

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