Happy Happy Family

41 Comments

This seems to be the Sooraj Barjatiya Indian happy family—-only in a negative, antimatter universe where everything is inverted.

Stand aside you Mansons. Here come the Mahajans.

First the Alok Nath character–Daddy Mahajan, a new age politician-cum-powerbroker known to be fond of the good life. But then which politician isn’t—the only thing may have been that Daddy Mahajan was just a bit more brazen than most. It must however be said that all politicians don’t have their name mentioned in connection with the sensational murder of a lady reporter—but that’s a different story.

Well Daddy Mahajan met the fate Alok Naths in the alternative universe do. He was shot dead by his brother, Uncle Mahajan. The reason? Disgruntled Uncle-ji felt he was being allowed to make as much money as he should have been allowed to —being the brother of a politician and all that. Whispers of other motivations for the shooting abound—but since we at RTDM have a strict anti-rumour policy (I leave that for the blogmeets) I shall not delve into it.

If things were not weird enough, Baby Mahajan, all of 31 years,(the Chandrachur Singh character) comes into the cocktail. Perhaps the wrong word to use here but let me continue. Like a truly dutiful son, anguished over the untimely death of his father, he brings out two bottles of champagne (which he thought was sparkling red wine). After all, boys just wanna have fun.

And so our recently-bereaved Baby is cavorting in a luxurious jacuzzi (presumably in a sense of partial/total undress), a hand-me-down from his dad (a humble public servant if you remember) , sipping some alcohol along with his dad’s old friend Bibek Moitra, an overweight unmarried person (who I presume is not in the same jacuzzi but sitting nearby). As the champagne courses through his veins, Baby Mahajan’s dil maange more.

No he does not ask for Pepsi.

He asks for Coke—-which in the Mahajan household and the cracker community all over the world does not mean fizzy empty calories but cocaine.

Of course that’s one version of the story. The other is that Baby merely asked for some medicines and he was given a white powder which he proceeded to consume by snorting. Yes not chewing, nor swallowing with a glass of water. But by snorting.

What is undeniable is that the room is soon full of people who sound like they came straight off the sets of a Yash Chopra movie (Rahul, Karan) not to speak of a Kashmiri drug peddler by the name of Sahil. And everyone is happy (very very happy) , enjoying what they think is cocaine sorry white medicine—all the while singing “Aaj humare dil main gajab ek uljhaan hain”.

The drugs however are adulterated—Bibek Moitra dies, Baby Mahajan loses all consciousness, several “people” clean up the evidence, and the police takes custody of Baby Mahajan.

We know what happens next—he will be released, police will foul up procedures and Baby will be taught the right way to shoot by experts like Fardeen Khan and Sanjay Dutt.

Very rightfully, Atal-ji is surprised at all the brouhaha. According to him, such things happen in youth—-like stealing cookies from the jar, breaking the neighbour’s window while playing cricket, having a pet frog, smuggling watches, shooting a bartender who refuses to serve you drinks…..

Which is why I do not understand why the BJP is not keen to associate with Baby Mahajan. Come on give the guy a break. If murder, Meham and other assorted crimes do not stop other sons from pursuing a dazzling character in national politics, then why should things be different for our Baby?

For instance, he would make an excellent minister—why I can see him right now, ten years hence, as our Health Minister crusading tirelessly against, yes you guessed it—— adulteration in “medicines”.

Or as a member of the party “High” Command.

Or as the “High” Commissioner in Jamaica.

The possibilities are mind-boggling.

[Update: Baby Mahajan knew Payal Rohatgi. Extra extra….read all about it.]

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41 thoughts on “Happy Happy Family

  1. “Like a truly dutiful son, anguished over the untimely death of his father, he brings out two bottles of champagne (which he thought was sparkling red wine).”
    And I actually know people who were expressing sympathy with Rahul Mahajan after the news broke out. One of my lady friends even said she felt sad because she had a crush on him… They said the poor fellow’s champagne had been poisoned. Nobody thought it was odd that he was drinking champagne with his friends in the house one month after his father’s death.

  2. greatbong,
    the other baby or the bigger baby, i must say, of the venezeulan and columbian girlfriend fame , who was never caught with his pants down [mercifully] will soon be our Prime Minister.
    A humble request. Please keep a post reserved for him if possible. He will soon be ruling the destination of a hapless people with his Super Saint mother looking over the shoulders.

  3. Come on Greatbong… this can’t be the Barjatya family. In the Barjatya family, there are only promotion of family values, and the only character with negative shades is the distant jealous aunt, ala Bindu… and the Rajshri Parivar and drugs? Thats blasphemy!

  4. kaunteya kahat hai “Please keep a post reserved for him if possible. ”

    vaah re hamre desbaasee. ee kaisan jamaanaa aai gavaa re! ab to ye rijarbhasun kaachakkar greatbong ke posts kaa bhee aai gavaa hai.

    are sunte ho greatbong babuwaa? hamre raam billaas paasbaan bhaiyyaa par bhee eek duii post likhat ho kaa?

    – lalloo

  5. lol but a classic Barjatiya family should have atleast two brothers out of which atleast one should be soutela … where’s Rahul’s soutela bhai ?? who will come and say “aaj mujhe tune yeh ehsaas dilaya hai ki mein tera apna nahi …….”—-

  6. What about the heroines? In the Barjatya universe, as you well know, there is a strict one-one mapping between charaters of the two sexes.
    Actually this doesn’t make much sense but I just wanted to comment. 🙂

  7. “Very rightfully, Atal-ji is surprised at all the brouhaha. According to him, such things happen in youth—-like stealing cookies from the jar, breaking the neighbour’s window while playing cricket, having a pet frog, smuggling watches, shooting a bartender who refuses to serve you drinks…”

    I blogged (in Hindi) about Atal-ji’s underplaying the episode. A blogger commented that Atal-ji is known to be quite a ‘party person’ himself. If its so, his is what we call an “expert opinion” on this jawaani ki bhool! 🙂

  8. Yo baby!! Sex, drugs and rock n roll.. Unfortunately the sex part is a little hazy here. If only someone would clarify whether Moitra and Rahul were in the same bathtub, t’woud make things much more exciting. Or perhaps clarify whether the other guys were brought for Moitra’s pleasure ( as TOI subtly hinted once). Also note that there was, like a typical hindi movie, also heroin involved(pun intended).

  9. Yep, I second kaunteya,

    Its his good luck that the other baby, destined to be the primeminister of india (guaranteed by the virtue of being born in the gandhi nehru family), has never been caught.

    He was supposed to have some bad dealings in Mumbai, he never got any degree from cambridge, he has lied about his academic qualifications, has no views on anything worth having a view on (like his superprotective mother) and in general, he seems dumb when he talks.

  10. The mahajan sajjans are one awesome family – I am just crossing my fingers – what next?

    Also, Rahul for all his “bachcho ki bhool” has gained all the needed publicity to start with a bang in politics. Public memory is always short, so in another two years we should see a primetime debate between Rahul, and the *other* Rahul.

    s

  11. @Kaunteya: But I have….https://greatbong.net/2006/01/23/baba-log/

    @Nirav: If you look at the post, it says in an anti-matter universe where everything is the opposite…

    @Somebody: Kya zamaa ayat ho…

    @Clairvoyant: Nope. The Ideal Barjatiya family is where everyone is nice…

    @Robert Frust: Again this is the antimatter world….here we have men men all around…

    @e-Swami: Atal the party animal—find that a bit hard to imagine..

    @Anonymous: No no the heroin(e) here is the impurity—-the poison. This is a world without heroin(e) where only coc(aine) is allowed….

    @Anon: And so it is.

    @Shadows: https://greatbong.net/2006/01/23/baba-log/

    @Suyog: Totally.

    @Shan: Incoming…..

  12. ek bengali ke hathon, ek maratha parivaar ka (shaabdik) balatkaar.

    awesome post… so much so, it sounds like ‘the real story’.

    This was not a Random thought of a demented mind.
    this sounded more like an insight.

    cheers

  13. /He was supposed to have some bad dealings in Mumbai, he never got any degree from cambridge, he has lied about his academic qualifications, has no views on anything worth having a view on (like his superprotective mother) and in general, he seems dumb when he talks./

    OMG! He sounds exactly like his father!!!!

  14. Haha, Good post. 🙂 Come next election and I expect junior Mahajan to get a ticket from either BJP or SP/BSP after accusing the other party (depending who gives him the ticket) of maligning him and his family.

    Any guess on how soon the trio of Ghulam Nabi Azad, MJ akbar and Ambika Soni will go on Bhook HaRtal infront of 10, Janpath, until Madam or Junior Sahib meet their demands ?

    ‘Somebody’ – BuRbak, That’s Bhojpuri Bollywood Style, started by Dilip Kumar in Ganga-Jamuna. Lalu chacha speaks asal khaNti Bhojpoori. 😉

  15. YOURFAN writes:
    @GB: Now every day every news channel has news with some coverage of Rahul Mahajan case. The news papers are touting their own versions including rumors. You are right – the police will bungle the case and he will be let free. In other words the world of politicians and film world look the same, feel the same – they literally and figuratively get away with murder and any crime; the only thing that they can’t get away with is death and that is the only similarity between ‘them’ and us What worries me is whether the ordinary people (like me) will remember (we all know already) that alcohol and drugs don’t mix, it is illegal to consume drugs – not to say extremely hazardous to health. This is happening even in the parties of so called higher middle class, DINK families right here in India. It seems everybody thinks that bad things won’t happen to them, they think that they are quite careful about alcohol, drugs, sex etc – in a nutshell about everything. But reality speaks otherwise. Now alcohol is a must in all the parties except the one relating pujas. Why can’t people enjoy each others’ company and have clean adda without alcohol? Let me explain that I am not against drinking (I occasionally have drinks) as long as it is an occasional thing – not a must for every party and also not an every night “relaxation tool”(I have a few friends who need drinks every evening to “relax”).This trend definitely worries me.

  16. What is happening I don’t know… I wrote the first comment here but it got deleted. Then I wrote another one but that’s missing too… Arnabda, did you block my IP for some reason? 😦
    Or it may be those pro-Himesh Reshmiya ghosts… 😛

  17. this is totally unrelated, but…

    i can’t believe you still remember chandrachur singh!! (i was madly in love with him, at one point!). also, the random songs you mention in your posts.. ‘yeh raat hai rangeen’. i have been trying to search for THAT altaf raja song online for years, with no luck 😦

    your sophisticated taste in music and films SERIOUSLY impresses me. a lot.
    the mithun era and the 90’s scene was the ‘bestest’ and most entertaining ever. i’m sure u’ll agree ;).
    thank you for sharing

  18. I always thought it was the Barjatiya happy family that lived in Bizarro India. The families that I grew up around were a lot more like the Mahajan family. At least the intents were always there, maybe the execution part was a bit lacking. After all, our grand epic is one glorious tale of fratricide, polyandry, skewed sex ratio (105 brothers and one sister !!, Haryana and Punjab have a long way to go), extra-marital affairs, rape, patricide, Mr. Macho hiding as a transgender dancer, Mr. Dharma staking his wife – who is going through her period and has almost been stripped by her cousin-in-law – in a gambling match, abortion of newborns, immaculate conception and infanticide. Compared to all that, Mahajan saga is rather tame, but what isn’t?

  19. what a wonderful way of describing the epic.
    no wonder is has remained a bestselller for all these centuries!
    (if sidney sheldon hads read it, his stories might have been more bestsellerish)

  20. In all honesty it was something which could happen to anybody. We too might have been guilty at times of driving after imbibing amounts of alcohol which would not be termed as legal and we too might have dabbled in a substance or two, which our meagre finances could afford. The problem is that cocaine is shit expensive and most of our fathers did/do not have acces to the tax payers money and so we had to manage with grass and similar low-brow stuff.
    I personally think that it our rotten media which at its yellowest best is flogging the poor Mahajan angle in it. Otherwise, I really dont see the whole point to this huge noise surrounding it. I have lost one my classmates to OD, and all I can say about it is tragic and that (as the americans say) shit happens. Shit happened to the Mahajan dude too and let us leave it at that.

  21. Or as the “High” Commissioner in Jamaica. Shouldn’t that be Columbia or Afghanistan where his “high”ness would have the liberty to personally check for the purity of all things “Narcotics”.

    Good post.

  22. It is irritating to see Rahul Mahajan (essentially a no body) on tv all the time, more irrititatingly the newspapers cover only nonsense. I mean petrol prices went up by 4 rupees and its got 1/2 an inch of coloumn space in the front page of most newspapers, and this idiot, whose only claim to fame was a reasonably famous daddy, occupies half the paper. Its a damned shame. Truly theres too many news channels (and papers) and too little news, so they jump of every scrap of nonsense that they find. Reminds me a bit of watching US domestic news during the Iraq war. It did not even seem that there was a war on. The same vacousness can be seen in Indian TV now… more the pity

  23. I can not comment on Rahul’s crimes but the Delhi Police seems to be working extremely hard according to this report in Mid-Day, ‘Page 3 Scan’ (http://ww1.mid-day.com/news/city/2006/june/138898.htm). There is also a mugshot of the dashing Station House Officer who is leading this sensitive task.
    Some Excerpts –
    The Delhi police, starting today, will watch all Page 3 parties in Mumbai very closely. A three-member team headed by Station House Officer of the Connaught Place police station, Suresh Kaushik, arrived in the city yesterday. They will visit parties at short-listed pubs and discos where drugs are taken.
    We don’t want Zaroo or any of the accused to think they can fool us.”
    They said Zaroo was a regular at the city’s Page 3 parties and since consumption of drugs was common at these places, they could establish a link between Zaroo and the drug mafia.
    ……….
    We have done the groundwork before leaving New Delhi, but will also team up with the Mumbai police and update our list.
    ………
    They said work will actually begin at 11 pm and end at 1.30 am. “We will visit these places and observe what’s happening and then close in,” said the police.
    ……………
    The cops did a recce last night, but hit upon a stumbling block. They were not allowed to enter clubs in Colaba, as they were stags. “We will sort out this problem tonight,” the sources told MiD DAY.

    “We have limited time, as Zaroo is in police custody only until June 12. By then, we have to complete collecting evidence that can corroborate or contradict statements given by Zaroo with regard to his involvement in Mumbai’s drug mafia.”

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  25. BJP distancing? not so soon
    u cant do it so soon to fundraisers heirs
    esp when its just a matter of time when the jessica lal protocol is going to be followed.
    celebrations call for champagne..abt Pramod attaining Nirwana?
    then a bit of confusion…its depression abt his dads death…and in that confusion he snorts not gulps .
    remember he’s never done drugs.how wud he know?
    Payal adds to the confusion to the jaccuzzi angle

  26. @Harjee: It very well might have..

    @Srikanth: You are absolutely right !

    @Sanjay: BJP it will be—-within a year or two. Of course BSP is always a good career option once you have a lot of jail time.

    @Yourfan: I presume its because alcohol reduces inhibitions and enables conversations to be more “free flowing”…..

    @Joy Forever: What did you write? As you can see from your posted comment your IP has definitely not been banned. Noone here has been banned except that comments originating from certain IPs pass into a moderation queue.

    @Sang.Froid8: When you say you were in love with Chandrachur Singh I hope I can presume you are a girl….of course Chandrachur was also called “Bhabiji” by some…..so his appeal is rather universal. And I am a total freak for the 90s music…..more or less heard everything that used to come out those days including little known gems like “Raju awara barsaat main, chori chori dil de baitha”.

    @Dipanjan: I also have seen more Mahajan families than Barjatiya families–and frankly they are way more fun.

    @Sach1tb: 🙂

    @Swati: True.

    @Bald Monkey: Shit happens and it has happened to Mahajan. The problem is that he will be soon foisted on us as a “leader”.

    @Abhijit: Rahul Mahajan isnt a hardcore drug dealer. If he was then Afghanistan and Columbia would be good places for him. He is more a consumer. Hence Jamaica. Plus which politician would ever want to be ambassador to Afghanistan and Columbia—is that a plum posting?

    @Dealer: Well what can be more interesting than the son of a dead politician in a drug orgy?Petrol prices going up are a fact of life….

    @Rajeev: Thanks…this inspired the next post.

    @Varsha: Payal Rohatgi may well be a smokescreen…

  27. “Baby Mahajan’s dil maange more.

    No he does not ask for Pepsi.

    He asks for Coke”

    another testimonial of your genious
    btw, “Coke is no Joke”

  28. Brought back the Shivani Bhatnagar incident to my mind. Was really sad.
    And about Coke, well if it sells, it has to be to the politicians, industrialists and movie stars right? Cos, the average guy can afford nothing much other that regular pot (in India atleast). Hence, if it sells well, there are plenty who buy from the upper class who usually can hush hush such events. Our ‘Baby’ got caught cos unfortunately Papa The Great is more. I wonder how many new age politicians actually don’t snort such stuff. Btw, any dope on why Deve Gowda looks perpetually doped?

  29. Arnab Da this is India. Rahul is innocent. He even cant spell Cocaine. He is out on bail and soon he will gain “Public Sympathy”. Brats of Rich and Powerfull are free to do anything. Its only Aam Admi who suffers.

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