For a second I thought she had passed away while kissing.
Mallika Sherawat, India’s export to the world, was having a normal work day. Which means she was doing a kissing scene underwater for her latest movie “Pyar ke Side Effects” (I am not making this one up–even my demented mind shorts out at that level). Stung by the cold water and fatigued by the effort to keep herself submerged against the upward Archimedian force of the floatation devices affixed to her chest by surgical procedure, she had a drink of brandy–an act which combined with the cold made her pass out.
[Picture above of the Mallika mango which according to this website:
The fruit (Mallika mango) must be picked mature green and ripened in camel dung or a cardboard box (whichever is handy).
]
Incidentally what kind of a man is Rahul Bose, the hero? Isn’t he man enough to keep a woman warm with his tongue action even though they may be underwater?
This is exactly why we need Imran Hashmi, the specialist serial kisser, to essay these challenging roles so that Rahul Bose can do stuff he can handle— like the role of a quiet photographer stuck in a riot.
In other Mallika Sherawat news, Ms. Sherawat rocked Kerala when she went to shoot there for her upcoming movie “Fauj Main Mauj” (again I do not know who comes up with these titles) where according to this charming report:
The crowds went berserk when they saw Mallika in limited clothing and wanted to paw her.
Mallika seemed to be enjoying the fact that lusty men were watching her as well, knowing that she had enough security.
Press reports indicate that she was given the honorary title of “Malloo without Palloo” by the local “lusty” “paw-pulation” for her “limited clothing”—-something that has not gone down well with fans of local heavyweight Shakeela.
Concluding our “limited acting” Sherawat roundup, the artist formerly known as Mona Chopra (the same Mona Chopra who was going to strip full top to bottom for Vinod Pande’s “Red Swastika)Â (new name: Sherlyn)Â has announced that she feels lusty for Mallika.
The sensuous actress has been raving about the sultry Mallika Sherawat to all and sundry! “There’s something about her that drives me crazy,” she remarks.
Sherlyn even feels Mallika is no less than Britney Spears.
What’s more! She quips, “I don’t mind being a Madonna and locking lips with her”.
Ms. Chopra, a friendly warning. Just take care to keep her warm while you lock lips. And if at any time, you feel you cannot handle the “Pyar ke Side Effects” and see the whites of Mallika’s eyes, all Indian “maujis” will be there with their “paws”….to lend a helping hand to both of you.
The Greatbong Blog & Podcast 
“Fauj Main Mauj”
Holy Cow. The man who came with this idea must be as demented as you. Wow… Gives good takkar to KAKP.
Greatbong, do you care for a sneak preview of Fauj mein Mauj?. Do let us all know about it. Should be absolutely howlarious.
Fauj mein Mauj :))
All guns blazing i presume ?
Rahul Bose must be tempted to make a movie on the life n times of the Mallikas of the world – swimsuits and no swimming, and the ‘floatation devices’ etc!
Too Good !!! 🙂 I’m literally LMAO 😀
“fatigued by the effort to keep herself submerged against the upward Archimedian force of the floatation devices affixed to her chest by surgical procedure”…SHEER CLASS… 😀
But hell…’Fauj Mein Mauj’? The guy who can come up with such a title must be a genius !!!
@GB
As always…..on *top of things*!!
Classic writing GB
Toooooooooo good!
every male’s fantasy…. to see two hot women in action.
And if it is Mona Chopra and Mallika Sherawat…. MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think Mallika should take up on the offer, provided its on camera – for the benefit of sexually deprived souls in India.
gr8 physics refresher!
Was the Mallika mango also shaped by surgical procedure?
LSHMBH.
Malloo without Palloo! :))
ROTFLMAO
Ha ha 🙂
By the way have you observed many people mention during interviews ‘I passed out from X university in the year 1998’ etc? 😀
Ohh…forgot to add in the previous comment …
Just imagine Mallika Sherawat being ripened in Camel dung or cardboard box !!! 😀
Methinks, the combined affect of Rahul Bose and brandy led to a dis-allingnment of the mey-tar center..:)
Side Effects actually seems like it might be an ok film. Rahul Bose (Bong-da, is Rahul Bose the new Mithun-da?) is a pretty good actor. And this post seems like it might have something to do with the film, though I’m not sure.
Malloo without Palloo and Fauj mein Mauj had me laughing very hard indeed. (I can just see FMM now: Mithun-da and Shah Rukh play soldiers at high altitude far from their wives. One cold night, when herding sheep on to the right side of the border, their eyes lock. Shah Rukh’s hands slip inadvertently, a minstrel Pakistani rock group featuring Himesh Reshammiya starts singing “O mere sona re”, and mauj is made. Maybe not.)
BTW, Mallika is also featuring in Mani Ratnam’s latest movie, where according to her, its a very “important” and a “hat-ke” character, “jo story ko aage le jaatha hain”.
Underwater Kiss — eeeew – god only knows what types of bacteria co-exist with chlorine and all. I have heard nasty things children do as well…. Mallika seriously has kinky tastes 😀
Suyog
Classic!!
I want to say something bad about Ms. Sherawat but also want to be politically correct, so here goes:
She is not a slut – she is horizontally accessible.
She is not an airhead; she is reality impaired.
She is not a regular kisser – she is an artist with lip specialization.
There you go.
I can understand why many people get’lusty’ in the vicinity of Ms. Mallika, getting out their ‘paws’ but the irony of her failing at the one thing she is supposedly good at, is a little uncomfortable and should ignite people into asking…WHY the hell are we keeping this metaphorical blonde in the industry despite her shenanigans??
Of course, the answer is located somewhere in the ‘Dead Woman’s Chest’; Pirates of the Indian.
And this is one of ‘pyar ke side-effects’.
Absolutely genius as usual.
LOL@Malloo without Palloo and Heavyweight Shakila. I must say your knowledge of Indian cinema is amazing. 😉
Another typical Bong.net article! By typical, I dont mean it sarcastically, I mean it aprreciatively – you are very good with sarcasm and wit. Great post. 😀
Mallu without Pallu – I say that does it! Its the best tagline I hav ever heard! Keep up all the great writing! How I wish I could write like u! 🙂
Fauj Mein Mauj is apparently “injpired onlee” by Goldie Hawn’s Private Benjamin….
What sarcasm!
Why?
1. The comments are written by males who do not appreciate the trouble taken by Ms. Sherawat to be siliconally enhanced so that you people can have interesting dreams.
2. It is nothing but silicone envy.
3. You have tried to osculate underwater but were unsuccessful due to
a) lack of Ms. Sherawat?
b) lack of sea/swimmingpool?
c) overabundance of commonsense?
@Kannan: Indeed. Severe dementia.
@Sameer: Lovely tagline.
@deBoLiN: True. Mark of a genius.
@Rohith: 🙂
@Sayon: Thanks..
@Vivek: I agree…every male’s fantasy.
@Varsha: Now we should cast this as a numerical problem.
@Amitabha: No it grew in camel dung.
@Ali: 🙂
@Ferrari: Yes they should say—I passed out in 1998 as well as in 1996,1997, 1999….as a matter of fact every year whenever I have a bit too much to drink.
@deBoLiN: Mallika blooming in camel dung…what an image.
@Abhijit: 🙂
@The Graduate: Sounds like a good sequel. But this movie is very heterosexual: Mallika in limited clothes tempting the Pakistanis to cross the “line of control” into super lustdom.
@Suyog: Well Mallika is used to camel dung..
@SirPyscho: 🙂
@Bit00: Thanks
@Sanjay: Well one keeps oneself informed of the important things in life.
@Rajiv: Thank you
@The Wanderer: Or is it Benjamin’s privates?
@Swati: We are all aware of the enormous weight that MS carries every day on her chest for the pleasure of all mankind. It is indeed a burden.
How long before we have kiss doubles in Bollywood? Emraan can stick around long after he is past his prime.
hahaha .. how, on earth did you find that “Mallika Mango” .. very funny
MS is possibly the only positive contribution of Mahesh Bhatt to the *man* kind.
Mallika Mango was a revelation. 🙂 Should try it. Must be real *juicy*, as it has to live upto its brand.
Shame on Rahul Bose, I am packing for Kerala. Mallika dont you worry, real hero is on the way !
Fauj me mauj?
How shallow can you get?
GREATBONG: T
‘Fauj Me Mauj’ reminds me of another film that was released in sleazy theatres when I was in school. That was called ‘Jungle Mein Oye Oye’ believe it or not!
The only time when I saw Mallika covered was when she appeared at the Mumbai races wearing a Shahab Durazi outfit!
I see what it is, you’re just jealous because you had to grow your own boobs yourself… *disdainfully walks away*
The “Fauj Mein Mauj” reminds me of “Operation Petticoat”, which was screened in Ahmedabad as “Ghaghra mein damadam” . Needless to say, crowds thronged it, expecting to watch steamy scenes.
But I am yearning to read a post on Mithunda, and a special review on “Gunda”. Please, please…
Very well written, GB. Don’t be surprised if Mallus decide to build a temple for Mallika in Kerala.
Check Mallika’s website: http://www.mallikasherawat.info/
Another awesome post. Underwater kissing! What will they show next? Kissing in outer space? And I must see Fauj me Mauj when it comes… Who knows, it may even inspire me to join the fauj!
Totally off topic, but have you seen this?
Reminds me of the title of a film being shown at Bhabanni Cinema. (I am sure you know where)! “Jauvan ki hariyali”. As for Fauj me Mauj…I am sure it will be a ground-breaking film on the sexuality of young men who guard our borders the year round in snow bound places with only each other’s company to keep themselves warm and er…amused. Certainly looking forward to it! But then, if it indeed is about what I’m thinking of, wouldn’t Mallika’s presence be superfluous?
Maybe we’ll get a review from you?
Well Fauj mein Mauj has to go a long way to beat competition .
An eternal Dada Kondke Classics
“Anderi Raat main Diya tere haath mein”
To the Collegian Favorite
” Teri Dhoti mera Ghagra”
Not my place to suggest anything – kintu I came here expecting a post on Hair:)
@Patrix: Won’t that be one amazing sinecure !
@Turrtle: 🙂
@Anon: Juicy…naah
@Sam: Hope she’s not holding her breath.
@Ranjan: Well maybe you should ask the movie’s producers.
@the Wife’s POV: Somehow your comment got cut off.
@Shan: Oh yes I have heard about that….I was in school too then !
@Ichatteralot: You have seen madame mango live !
@Sue: I had to grow boobs? Sue—what are you saying ! If I had, I would be a very self-sufficient man.
@Harsh: Beautifulll…..what an amazing name for a movie….what powers of translation.
@Kishor: Only Mallika mangoes to be offered in boxes of camel dung.
@Joy Forever: Indeed I saw that. It’s good that our future managers get lessons from being corrupt from the people best at it. If only those Enron bosses had sat in on Laloo, they wouldnt be dead by now.
@Mou: Of course I know about Bhavani Cinema in front of which ran the tram tracks. Will wait for the movie.
@Rahul: Yes heard of them.
@SD: :-).
oh man i thought those surgically enhanced floation devices would help.
mallo without a pallo if you made that up that was sad.
yeah im back as promised,….
very interestin post there…
nd gr8 links..
“fauj mein mauj ” n “operation in peticoat” reminds me of one “peticoat mein visphot” tht was screened in numerouswest-UP ‘C’ grade cinema halls…..n needless to say ppl queued like hell!!!!……..CRASH BOOM BANG!!!
hi
mallika u r so glorious and so sexy no one can comprare with u
hi…….
u r india’s no-1 sexyest woman.i like u so much
i love you . will you marry with me
u r more sexy then other acte. like priyanka etc n beautiful like a pari
i like mallika becouse she is very hot
i love thiss site :>P
thank u so much to giving me such knowledge…………….
i like malika and emran jodi it is looking so hot and sexyyyyyyyy
re: Jungle mein Oye Oye — one of my fav scenes from the movie which I cant get out of my mind is where Shakila Maajid plays a village girl and the hero puts her on a stack of hay and begins opening her blouse and her bigg full boobs spill out, and all the while he is speaking to her. Shakila Maajid is mainly a starlet and used to be seen playing bhaabi and other sidey roles in serials like “ek kahani” and “darpan” and “vikram betal” etc way back in mid-80s. It was awesome seeing her in jungle oye oye in that scene. The hero incidentally was the yadon ki baarat hero..the guy who plays the guitar..
you are to sexy and preety l