Chuck De

38 Comments

[Updated]

Shoaib Akhtar is a very special man. No I am not talking about his suspiciously delivered thunderbolts, his petulance, his injury-faking, illegal doping, love for fast cars and faster women. There have been others before and there will be others after him who will do the same things—I am sure.

However I can guarantee that this is something only the great Rawalpindi Express can do. [italics mine]

The army officer also alleged that Shoaib created a ruckus at the team hotel where the Indian team was also putting up

“Shoaib went to the floor where the Indian team was staying and started banging on the doors. He accidentally banged on the door of Indian coach Greg Chappell and his wife came out, dressed in her night clothes,” he said.

“Shoaib made some comments about her. The next morning, I was having breakfast with the Pakistan team manager when Woolmer stormed in. He said even Chappell has complained about Shoaib and strict action must be taken.”

Now we can only speculate about the nature of the comments that Shoaib made. Being a die-hard Bollywood fanatic, so much so that he slapped Bob Woolmer in order to resolve an argument as to whether Indian or Western music should be played on the tour bus one can assume that the comment, made on seeing Ms. Chappell in her night clothes, must have been drawn from the rich heritage of Hindi movie dialogues.

It may have been as succinct as “Aoooo Lolitaaaaaa” [Chalbaaz] or as flirtatious as “Nightdress main chanda phir bhi hain phahela charon aur ujala, hosh na khode kaheen josh main dekhne wala” [Koyla] or as explicit as “Main ne socha tha Chappell ki biwi koi bhangar ki dukaan hogi, tut phoot chuka hoga—magar iski to face Sonali, taangein Raveena, aankhen Karishma,….” [Gunda].

Well we may never know what exactly transpired but with Shoaib’s cricket career effectively over and with his close connections to the Bhatt family and emotional attachment to Hindi songs, it is only a matter of time till we see him on the big Bollywood screen.

And if he can throw dialogues as fast and as effectively as he can a cricket ball, then we have our next “high-as-a-kite” superstar.

[Acknowledgements: Akhtar pictures posted above obtained from here. To the best of our knowledge, none of the ladies in the pictures is Ms. Chappell.]

[Slapping incident details:

“These boys were listening to Hindi songs when Bob Woolmer removed the iPod and put on an English song. Shoaib got up and again changed the music, put on a Hindi song.

“Woolmer kept quiet and then started making fun of the song. This was too much for Shoaib. He suddenly got up and gave Woolmer a tight slap. Everyone was stunned and quickly intervened,” said Kaul.

]

[Update: In the latest tit-bit on the Shoaib-drug scandal, Itikhab Alam seeks to justify why Mr Akthar drew a two-year ban:

Intikhab rubbished speculations that the panel was unfairly harsher on Akhtar than Asif. “If people read our statement they will understand,” Intikhab asserted. “He [Shoaib] drinks alcohol, has an active sex life and he’s been part of anti-doping awareness programmes.

Which is why Asif got away lighter since he looks like he has “never been laid”. ]

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38 thoughts on “Chuck De

  1. I always felt there was something fishy the way Pakistan dumped their fav superstar…Would never believe them to be so honest as to take a doping scandal to ruin Shaib´s career…

  2. If shoaib comes to bollywood and stay here like a superstar he must rechristen himself as ‘ Shoaib Khan ‘ 🙂

    The way his behaviour is he can be next Sallu…

    Thanks,
    Ezaz

  3. You have serious competition GreatBong. ‘Tis unbelievable but there is a bigger bollywood fan out there. So much so that he is willing to slap his coach for it. All hail the power of bollywood.

    I wonder if anybody go the video of the slapping incident. Maybe we can watch it in slo-mo five times from five different angles, accompanied by the sound of crashing cymbals. ( la saas-bahu soaps on tv).

    In context with your earlier post; I think somebody should take away Shoib’s TV.

  4. I wanted to see what the Pakistani press was writing about this incident and I was struck by the very first line in the Daily Times’ report:

    Controversy just refuses to spare enigmatic speedster Shoaib Akhtar [emphasis mine]

    That’s what they think he is—enigmatic.

    Then I look at the pictures you’ve posted and wonder, which part of him is enigmatic.

  5. Hah! Astonishing piece of news. And something within me tells me…all of it is true. Now this is no Tom or Harry making this allegation but a retired army colonel.

    The first part however is not entirely unexpected. If you expect a person to lose his head over a matter like that, it has to be a uncouth person like Shoiab or maybe Afridi. It just couldnt be Younis Khan or Youhana.

    Also from Cricinfo, the way Woolmer has denied it actually lends credence to the allegation.

    “”The story just isn’t true. I don’t have an iPod and anyway it was a cellphone with music on it. I didn’t have any way of changing the song. We joked about the music but at no stage did Shoaib slap me. We were just having a laugh. He was sent back because of the doping issue and nothing else.”

    Who said it was his ipod? We joked about the music…(almost 80% acceptance)…but I am earning my bread from PCB…can take a slap once a while…plus Im too sophisticated to wash dirty linen in public…so let bygones be bygones.

    The second piece of allegation about misbehaving aint exactly unexpected either. And the pics on this post show how gleeful Shoiab is with that plain jane girl in his arms. Now in an Aussie nightclub, he may get away with a bit of fondling…he probably doesnt get much chance to vent his pent up sexual desires in closed conservative Pakiland…plus hes a bollywood fan….must have thought himself at that moment to be a Bollywood hero and the chicks there must have been projections of the Bolly startlets in his mind. Actually very Sallu like behaviour….I had long suspected that both of them are bipolar.

    The third allegation…man Im still laughing…that was really funny… so many questions….why did he start banging on the doors of the indian player’s rooms? Was it to satify Woolmer? “Sir forget the slapping…I will compensating by molesting your opposite number’s wife.” Then he want to the Indian players: “Oye yaarr…tumme se kis kis to coach ke upar gussa hain..ao ao..uski biwi ka …” . Also why didnt none of the Indian players come out? Were they busy with their darling Suresh Raina?

    Also, unless Chappel’s wife as younger than him as Bacall was to Bogart when they got married, shed be a pretty old lady. So even if she came out in her nightclothes, it cant fathom why Shoiab made remarks about her, unless of course the remarks were unflattering about her figure much to her chagrin. (anyone with GC’s wifes photo link? )

    Ever since that 2 year ban was slapped, I suspected that there was something deeper. PCB wont ditch their ace weapon like that. This report only confirms it.

    Great post as always GB. These kinda news like the Warnie scandals make for fascinating reading.

  6. Imagine a bollywood biggie with Shoaib and Sallu as brothers separated at childhood and unknowingly fighting for the attention of Rakhi Sawant. Phew!!!

    But all said and done, I was at the Eden when two ferocious yorkers smashed the defences of Rahul Dravid and Sachin. Awesome, I daresay.

  7. Alas, tormented genius Shoaib. When he is on song, chucker or druggie, he is sublime. Btw, does anyone find it odd that a team liaison provided by the Indian board would leak these ‘incidents’? Maybe they should sign confidentiality clauses, like the celeb nannies…

  8. Greg’s not a happy man nowadays. His loses repeatedly. His captain is a pussilanimous Brutus, his wife in her hightdress gets commented on by a drug-addicted, steroid-addled ape, AND to top it all, Sourav scored a century for East Zone!

    Poor guy. One almost feels for him! [:)]

  9. I am surprised it took this long for pak to get rid of Shoaib. Who knows, Woolmer’s wife may infact have something to do with it hehehehe 😀 – it must be that woolmer found ou late….

    Suyog

  10. Wow, you seem to have the ‘gunda’ dialogues ready to be packed in at the drop of the hat. Impressive!! Was picturizing Shoaib mouthing these dialogues..

  11. @Manu: I think the doping part was true but the alacrity with which they took action…yes more to it than meets the eye. This from a nation which despite its own commission indicting almost the entire team refused to do anything except banning Ata-Ur-Rehman, the most fringe player they could get and an almost-retired Salim Malik.

    @Ezaz: Yes he has more than a passing resemblance to the great Sallu in terms of flying fists and general obnoxiousness.

    @Tintin: Shoaib loves Bollywood. What an ambassador for cross-border unity. Gujral has serious competition also.

    @SirPyscho: 🙂

    @Nitin: Maybe he dirty dances with Aussie ladies to the tune of Enigma’s “Mea Culpa”…hence the “enigmatic”.

    @yourfan2: Uff…amazing pictures of Raina…the mystery behind his selection is explained. He is the pleasure boy. I have seen a picture of Ms. Chappell some time ago and she is about Greg’s age…so… I am sure Dada is having a good laugh at all this.

    @Anirban: Yes they were awesome. The silence was deafening.

    @Tipu: True. Very unethical thing to do.

    @Shan: Happy to know that.

    @Suyog: Woolmer’s wife…hehe…reminds me of Inzi thanking the entire team after he was blessed with a child.

    @Mrinal: Burnt into my memory.

  12. when this here shoib was younger, he reminded me of an extremely wet and angry kaaker chhana. in fact, the resemblance was amazing.
    it must have involved somebody’s wife/daughter/girlfriend for him to get dropped from the squad.
    a bit of dope and drugs are very very passe in the land of the pure.

  13. has an active sex life

    Never realized passive sexuality was the ideal in Pakistan. Puts their passive-aggressive foreign policy and overcompensatory hostility to India in a totally new light.

  14. Today I was reading somewhere on the net where they were questioning the motive behind Pakistan’s divulging Shoaib’s drug issue and the timing of it all. Now I see the real reason. The author did hint as such without going into details. I hope they don’t let him to Bollywood.Let him ply his ” bio-degradable delivery”
    somewhere else and not for a hindi movie dialogue.

  15. “Which is why Asif got away lighter since he looks like he has “never been laid”. ”
    LOL.. pity.. I think too many allegations come out when one is more jealous of the other’s sex life 🙂 . I should be complaining about everyone else in the world now!

  16. BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!

    Now this is completely out-of-context, but I thought the magnitude of this news demanded a break in the thread.

    THE MEETING OF TWO MINDS! INDIA’S BEST DIRECTS INDIA’S GREATEST

    Mani Ratnam, one of India’s greatest directors was looking for an actor to stand up and deliver. And I suppose, from his Chennai home he did not have to look far. His casting gaze went just as far as Monarch Hotel in Ooty and he found the actor he wanted.

    Yes. Our very own Prabhuji, Mithun Chakroborty!

    Check out this link.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0499375/

  17. you do all know that shoaib was meant to be playing the role of Deya in ganster but he refused. so what he has active sex life just reminds me of one of my mates,every night a new bird.its up to him what he wants to do, its up to him if he wants to drink and have a good night life,its what most guys do.i cant say i was surprised when i read he slapped bob for chaning the music bob shouldnt have mocked. everyone has different tatse in music,anyway its a pakistani tour bus they are all mangi(freshies)so he should have expected none english music to be played.mangies like then dont like english music they like the cultural stuff!!!!

  18. u know guys rahul drived iz da best,rahul i loe u ,,the wall of india…FUCK ENGLAND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK AUSTRALIA !!!!!!!!! FUCKKK SRI LANKA !!!!!!!! FUCKK NEW ZEALANDERS !!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKK ZIMBABWE!!!!!!!!! FUCK ALL FUCKK TEAMSSS..ONLY IDNIA IZ BESTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT DHONIII LOVE UUUUUUU

  19. UR AFRAID OV SHOIB AKHTAR….n EVERY 1 IS INCD TENDUKAr n Sewag……n0bdy can face akHTar….HE is A REAl HEro….i lUb ya shOib MUwaAh…….S0 u Ppl BLAMINg hIm Na jUs BCz u R AFRAID……S0 U ALL I HV 2 WORDs FOr U
    !!!!!FUCK OFF!!!

  20. Come on guys plz leave him alone and enjoy his life i dont understand that why people always criticize him and when he does anything good then no body appriciates him and just ignore the goood deed he has done i dont know why SANA has a problem with him come on guys US NE TUMHARA KIA BIGARA HAI let him enjoy his life.

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