Dhoom II — the Review

60 Comments

When Queen Elizabeth came to India and not only refused to apologize for Jallianwalah Bag (despite apologizing for British excesses during Bloody Sunday in Northern Island) but also dismissed the magnitude of the butchery as “exaggerated” (instead choosing to believe the casualty figures of General Dyer’s son), she defiled the memory of our freedom fighters and inflicted a resounding colonial slap on the face of the nation—a slap that had gone unanswered.

Till now.

Dhoom II. A royal figure who looks suspiciously like Queen Elizabeth is in a train speeding through Namibia along with her crown, a priceless treasure that is being guarded by two of James Bond’s illegitimate sons. Hrithik Roshan, super thief, drops down from the sky like a piece of pigeon poo, magically gets into the train and then donning a mask (Mission Impossible style), transforms himself into Queen Elizabeth so perfectly that the guards willingly grant him/her access to the “crown jewels”. Through this plot device, the director Sanjay Gadhvi not-so-subtly suggests that Queen Elizabeth and Hrithik Roshan have identical torsos—thus casting doubt on the Queen’s femininity in the same way that she cast doubt on the magnitude of Jallianwalah Bagh.

Bravo.

I have to accept that before I started watching Dhoom II, I went with sky-high expectations. After all my favourite reviewer Taran Adarsh had this to say about Dhoom II:

Very rarely do you come across Hindi films that marry form and content so beautifully.

Added to this certificate of greatness from the great Taran was my own recollection of the original Dhoom, a heart-stopping cops-and-robber flick about motorbikes, cleavages and hunky pizza delivery boys. Sure it was mostly inspired by “The Fast and Furious” and “Ocean’s Eleven” but really who cares about these trivialities once Uday Chopra starts dancing in the rain and Eesha Deol makes a “Main Tera Khoon Pee jayoonga” Dharmendra face.

But what I really really was dying to see was the infamous kiss between Hrithik and Aishwarya Rai (the one that was soo offensive that our honourable courts had been petitioned to stop its vulgar display so as to prevent any further moral corruption of Indian youth, a kiss so wanton that Aishwarya’s future mother-in-law walked out of the screening) because like the rest of India, my chief time-pass of late has been to obsess about the Aish-Abhi marriage (with her being a Mangalik and all) and how the passion of the kiss would be an indicator to whether Ash loves Abhi as much as she loves caring for the underprivileged children of the world.

So did Dhoom II meet my expectations?

Absolutely. This is not your average bike-and-hiest-flick with brainless action, mindless chases, explosions and not a semblance of a coherent plot.

No sir, it is that and much more.

Dhoom II’s strengths are the careful characterization of its protagonists and the believability of their actions. First, you have the master criminal Arya played with clinical passion by Hrithik Roshan, who while not deflecting bullets with his skateboard and bungee-jumping over cliffs and playing basketball in the rain looking like a Hispanic homeboy, is busy computing the n-th term of a series which also includes a modulus operator (he plans his heist days according to a mathematical progression). Then there is Arya’s arch nemesis Abhishek Bachchan reprising his role as Jay Dixit, whose advancement in the police hierarchy is attested to by his multiple chins (sought to be concealed by a perennial stubble) and a few extra pounds. Also back from Dhoom, like a smelly fart that refuses to go away, is his partner, Ali played by Uday Chopra ostensibly to provide comic relief but in reality to remind everyone whose daddy is producing the movie.

And then there are the ladies. While other movies merely use women to provide eye candy, in Dhoom II each of them have clearly delineated roles. While Bipasha takes cares of the cleavage-displays, Aishwarya provides the leg and butt action. And Rimi Sen, who is currently rivalling Virender Sehwag in the weight department brings the motherly touch: she is shown as pregnant (a beautiful way to explain her pounds) and makes an appearance that lasts as long as the average Sehwag innings.

I could go on and on about the women, their roles, the way they fit into the Dhoom universe, the thematic unity of the inspiration moments straddling the two movies (while Dhoom I copied from “Ocean’s Eleven”, Dhoom II copies from “Ocean Twelve”), the repeated rapturous slow motion walk of the “badass” heroes as explosions go off behind them and all other similar “crazy kiya re” moments but instead I shall follow the great Taran’s advice and “cut the crap and cut the gyan.”

Cause Dhoom II has both of it in ample amounts—undiluted crap and presumptious gyan that is.

However I do have to tell you about the kiss——an event of such importance that the movie could just as well have been called “Choom”. First of all, I wish to congratulate Sanjay Gadhvi for getting Ash to kiss in an Indian movie: she had always had a no-chumma policy, a fact that was borne out by her controversial refusal to smooch Chandrachur Singh in “Josh”. Now we realize that Ash’s issue was not that she won’t kiss but that she won’t do it with Chandrachur Singh (also known in some circles as ‘Bhabiji’). Understandable.

Now the actual kiss. Will this come back to haunt Ash as the “Rang Barse” song haunted her father-in-law when he was having a bit of Rekha-ji on the side? In other words, was it hot and passionate ? Was mother-in-law justified in being scandalized by the passion of Ash even though she accepted her husband’s lusty lip-action with Rani Mukherjee in ‘Black’ with that charming “Guddi” smile of hers?

Well my verdict: there is about as much passion in that kiss as a full-blooded male would exhibit if he had to exchange saliva with Queen Elizabeth today.

Incidentally, watching Dhoom II is also about as exciting.

[Acknowledgements: The picture of Queen Elizabeth]

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60 thoughts on “Dhoom II — the Review

  1. Me first !!
    As usual, speechless & ROTFL about your review. I guess no one told us about this movie in the light of “Elizabeth” !!
    The true reason about refusing to kiss Chandra was not surprising or unknown to us. You are right about Black kiss and delineated roles of girls.
    One more thing..you forgot about the length of movie and its now famous slowmotions ??

  2. lol. u managed to give us some history. that might be the best i’ve gained from anything to do with dhoom. my friends are forcing me to go for it. no better movie around. I can’t protect myself, am helpless.

  3. [teal]Queen Elizabeth at least makes ur review sound motley….the only other scintillating part is your proooo-found reflection on dark black bips-cleav-age….
    ….may be i expected more from u great bong….:-)

  4. Bravo for making me laugh on a cold wet sunday morning. I havent seen the movie- nor will want to- but do they snog at a funeral- as I watched this pathetic duo- I made up some lines for these clowns:

    Hrit:The director says we have to kiss now.
    Ash: Please honey, please don’t come closer. I am afraid ur sharp as a butter knife nose will cut my cheeks. After all IT could be Lallu’s next inspiration after Hema Malini.
    Hrit: No sweet heart I don’t want to lose my Kkrissshhh fans too. Little boys don’t like kiss scenes.

    (You could well have Himesh Reshimayya rubbing his nails on a blackboard or whatever he does as he wails.)

    Ash: Umm you have vanilla and cinnamon flavored lip gloss.
    Hrit: No problem, but hey Ash do u know, you not only look like and act like a Barbie doll but taste like one too.

    Wow is this the new era of a happy marriage between form and content- a global bollywood!!! waaaaah I wanna go home!!!

  5. You know what i think? I think every reviewer writes bad about this movie but likes it deep down inside. Really, i think even you enjoyed the movie while looking at it. You thought “kya story hai! kya action hai!” and then you said “kya bakwaas hai!”

    C’mon man, “brainless action” is a genre of movies. You can no more say, the movie is not good because it has action but no logic. Because thats how it’s intended to be. Learn to like it. Or choose another genre to watch – the “brainy action” (and you’ll never find it). Aren’t all action movies brainless? Nobody really fights anymore. Even though in reality we call fights fights, they are not actually the dishoom dishoom fights. Just a group of gangsters hitting on a victim or clashes between police and public or two people or groups shouting at each other, thats all the fights that happen in real.

    Two things – One, Aishwarya Rai is old. She should have done kisses and exposures when she should have. Two, she can’t act either.

  6. “…like the rest of India, my chief time-pass of late has been to obsess about the Aish-Abhi marriage (with her being a Mangalik and all)”

    Ha ha .Well written Greatbong. Of late, thats been my chief time-pass also . 🙂 Learnt something new too, like the term mangalik. Didn’t know it was such a big deal. Always thought ‘shanir dasha’ ( influence of Saturn) was the ultimate .

  7. Dada,

    Where do you get inspiration for the similie like ” like a smelly fart that refuses to go away, is his partner, Ali played by Uday Chopra ostensibly to provide comic relief but in reality to remind everyone whose daddy is producing the movie” 🙂

    You are just too good!

    rgds,
    Kislay

  8. Also back from Dhoom, like a smelly fart that refuses to go away, is his partner..

    Funny.

    Uday Chopra always reminded me of Bonsai tree, a small body with over developed parts;

    Smelly fart tops that :))))

  9. Haven’t seen the movie yet, still waiting for those insanely high mutiplex prices to come down………but must say one thing, GB………considering the fare we all were subjected to in Dhoom I, you of all people should’ve known better…………….and yes, audiences in India do have a thing for undiluted crap and presumptious gyan

  10. Great review great bong! have been reading your blogs for quite a while now and i have started writing a little blog of my own today!

    I have to say that while I had watched the movie couple of weeks ago, I was waiting for you to review it so I can really laugh about it : ) . My views are exactly the same as yours about the movie as a whole, just that I cant put them in a hilarious way that you can.

    Amazing connection with queen elizabeth, never thought of it that way. I am gonna quote some stuff from your review on my blog and will put a link there as well for people to come to your website (not that I have too many visitors on my 12 hours old blog : ))

    Great stuff, thanks for a great laugh.

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  12. LOL – my view exactly :-D! I made the sad mistake of watching this idiotic and brainless movie two weeks ago – really, just how dumb do the film-makers think the audience is? And oh, you did not mention Aishwarya Rai’s “Su-neh-ri” act. I tell you, I wanted to pull out all my hair everytime AR opened her mouth X-(!

  13. Looked like they were both trying to pass kidney stones.

    ‘Course Aishwarya will now get credit for breaking some sort of barrier. Kinda like Demi Moore’s lauded enhancements in Striptease.

  14. @Arnab :

    It’s so damn hilarious !!!

    How do you come up with such analogies, man ? Queen Elizabeth & Dhoom2 !!! 😀
    Can’t really mention a line or two in particular….the whole review is so friggin

    fantabulous !!!! 🙂

  15. oh come on. the kiss wasn’t that bad! at least not on hrithik’s part. maybe ash was a bit wooden.

    i heard the dhoom:3 might have shahrukh as the negative lead, or possiblly aamir khan. can’t wait for that review!

  16. The name of the thief is Aryan and not Arya. Also, an in the last line of the paragraph where you mention Chandrachur Singh, highly unusal I must say.

  17. Just a bit of trivia to set the record straight. Ash did lock lips with Vivek Oberoi -or however he spells his name-in Kyun Ho gaya Na for a fleeting moment. Though it was more like lip touching than lip locking!!

  18. Apart from the movie itself, which was total hooey, I liked looking Ash and Bipasha. That paid for half the ticket.

    Oh, and did you notice that their conception of names for women are woefully restricted. I guess there was a fight between Bipasha and Ash as to whose name would spell “gold”. So the director compromised by calling one Sunehri and the other – why, Shonali, of course. 😀

  19. Even my sole reason for wanting to watch this movie is the KISS and I do want to watch it soon enough, before they delete it from the movie..wanna know how the wax doll kisses and how it can create such a controversy? Also, I am one of the quintessential Ash haters, so I will add this..I feel the only reason she never kissed on screen before was A) she did not think the man worthy of her kiss and B) she did not get paid enough!

    In fact, I was just watching promos of the movie and the producers are so wicked and will cash in on anything. In the promos, it is shown that Hritik and Ash are dancing and Abhishek is looking all jealously at them! that sells!

    Once again, a decent review!

  20. Anonymous Dec 11th, 2006 at 4:08 am = dEbOLiN …sorry

    @Arnab :

    It’s so damn hilarious !!!

    How do you come up with such analogies, man ? Queen Elizabeth & Dhoom2 !!! 😀
    Can’t really mention a line or two in particular….the whole review is so friggin

    fantabulous !!!! 🙂

  21. a poor, painful and tacky mishmash of zillion hollywood action films… not that i mind the so-called ‘inspiration’ from hollywood. its the execution thats totally inept

  22. one thing that really intrigues me is how over the last couple of years,quintessential worthless bollywood films have managed to reap a good market in the overseas box-office.recent flops in the indian market,KANK and Fanaa collected 45 and 32 crores respctvly from the foreign desis,while quite interestingly Lage raho had to settle for 25 crores only…..

    god knows,what return to scale are behind them!!

  23. I started writing a review on this movie; then I realized that my brain had gone so doom doom, that nothing of this movie registered.

    Like Taran Adarsh, I have not seen many movies too where a character murder as horrendous as Bipasha basu’s occurs. For all the slowmo gizmo gunshots she shoots to establish her importance, she doesnt get to shoot once! And then in second half is relegated to worse than a sidey in an item number.

    Suyog

  24. Gosh, you’ve outdone yourself with this review. I LOVED reading it. Funny, sarcastic and brilliant as always! Honestly, you’ve nearly inspired me to watch Dhoom II just so as to get a better handle on the sarcasm and enjoy your review all over again 😀

  25. A classic review in the good ole’s GB style. First what amazing pictures. I must say appreciation for your amazing knack for visuals is sometimes lost in the flurry of praise for your writing skills. Dhoom I had 5 great minutes: the “Shikdhoom” song. This sequel one does not even have that. Did you notice how they suddenly “killed” off the character of Sonali after developing a nice extramarital angle ? I wonder why they built that up and then did not develop it.

  26. “Also back from Dhoom, like a smelly fart that refuses to go away, is his partner, Ali played by Uday Chopra..”

    Dude, that was priceless 🙂

    Any comments on Ash’s blatant display of her…erm..”ass”ets visible in the promos of The Last Legion?

  27. I don’t get your review. So is Dhoom 2 good or did the sarcasm just fly over me?

    Or is the prospect of making out with the queen as exciting to you as the movie apparently was?

    A little confused here.

  28. “while Dhoom I copied from “Ocean’s Eleven”, Dhoom II copies from “Ocean Twelve””…

    When is Ocean’s thirteen slated to come out? 🙂

    Greatbong, I strongly recommend you post a review of Vivah. For the sake of us readers, please sit through another three hours of mindless tripe (granted, it doesn’t have Prabhuji, but I think it will provide a good reference point to compare Prabhuji’s movies to.)

    Waiting…

  29. Wonderful, absolutely wonderful…

    Especially likeable is the part: “Like a smelly fart, that refuses to go”. Enchanting simile.

    I paid in dollars to watch it, I feel sorry for myself.

  30. so is this ash kissing Hrithik video the equivelant to an american sex tape since someone managed to record that part of the movie in the theater?

    people are funny.

  31. Your omkara review is no where to be found.
    i wanted to read that because i just glimpsed at it once does it go into the disney vault only to be released for double value in 10 years?

  32. “an event of such importance that the movie could just as well have been called “Choom” ” priceless .DADA…i emptied my bowels laughing the Shit out…….. :-)….Snifff Snif….lol

  33. Firstly, no smart alecs about my name and Uday Chopra. :p

    I’m still trying to figure out why Bipasha was ever there in the movie.. and the music : urrrghh!! What was that???

    The kiss was very one-sided IMHO. Hrithik was doing everything while Ash was just gaping breathlessly with her mouth open. Was quite dumb.

  34. Hahahaha….

    Nice read. especially loved the Queen Elizabeth link to Dhoom II. Never thought about it in that light and now that you have shown it… I have something to credit in Dhoom II. Though the movie as such was crap lacking in style quotient… with not much of bikes and speed something that was so well done in its predecessor.

    But your review was well written 🙂

    Cheers!
    Minakshi

  35. Thank god I did not see the movie otherwise I would have repented spending 150 hard earned rupees 😛 on a bull crap movie and thanks to you.. I wont even get the pirated DVD also :D:D

  36. What I dont understand is which action is sensible? I just had a small fall and broke a bone. Obviously all action is fiction, there is nothing to believe about it.

    Secondly, you guys seem to be perverts to just watch movies and then write trash reviews about it. I think you watch movies only so that you can write fantastic sarcastic reviews about them rather than enjoy them.

    If you hate Hindi or Indian movies so much dont watch them in the first two weeks and then go only if you dont want to waste your precious time!!!

    I am a hardcore hrithik fan but have still not seen the movie. But your “great review” means I will surely see it.

    Tell me which person can act,dance,look like GOD and be a good human being at the same time? Hrithik ofcourse and which movie is supposed to make sense? Why dont you just see arty movies in that case?

    And BTW all you folks who talk so highly of Hollywood, do you know how many movies thay make and how many have you actually heard of? Most Hollywood movies are trash, it is hardly 2% that you hear of that may be good…

    So chill folks and I suggest you dont watch any Hindi commercial movies because that are all fiction and most of them brainless. But I know you will so that you can write your “hilarious” reviews!!!

  37. @Chotta Chetan: Yes what to do ! But which one was more boring: my review or the movie?

    @RK: But I did not forget about the slow motions….”the repeated rapturous slow motion walk of the “badass” heroes as explosions go off behind them”

    @Sriram: Your friends like the Queen?

    @Swastika: You did? Well pity.

    @Shashi: 🙂

    @CSM: Thank you for your perception. And thanks for repeating what I said about genres and genre expectations during my “Don” review and relaying it back to me. I very well understand the concepts of genres and their inherent assumptions…however Dhoom is an extremely poor “heist genre” movie. There was much about “Ocean’s Eleven” that was fantastic and unbelievable but yet it was supremely enjoyable. And lest I be accused of idolizing Hollywood, “Ocean’s Twelve” was tepid and Dhoom II-like.

    Aishwarya Rai is 33. That’s too old? Dear friend, you do not know when women really mature.

    @Rima: Me neither. This is something I learnt fairly recently. Please also see “Jallad” where this problem of Mangalik-ism is critical to the plot.

    @Kislay: Thanks

    @Giri: 🙂

    @The Quaint Quenyan: In support of the original Dhoom, it had excellent music and the premise, though copied from endless bike flicks from Hollywood, was at least novel in the Indian context.

    @Nemo: Whew ! Me saw free.

    @Sachin: You are welcome.

    @Archana: Indeed…Aish’s “sexy” manner of speaking and all that bronze in her makeup…

    @Anangbhai: The kissing barrier was broken by our Mallika mango long long ago…with 17 no less being showered on the hapless Himangsu Malik..

    @deBoLiN: Thanks..

    @Sang.Froid: You think? I may not be an authority on kisses but that did not look that good I will say. Now who was responsible for that I cannot say for sure.

    @Anon: Thanks for pointing out the typos.

    @Anonymous: Viveik Oberoi kiss in “Kyon Ho Gaye Na” was a tease kiss…as you said lip touching…plus who cares for Viveik?

    @Shan: Then where did the Monali come from? The things that people fight over !

    @Simon: Thank you

    @Sam: Shame on me. Yep.

    @Ipshita: Methinks that this Jaya Bachchan walks out of the screening was also a publicity stunt on the part of the Chopras…

    @Ravi: True. The execution is haywire.

    @Arnab: KANK was a flop in India?

    @Suyog: As Rohan pointed out, it seems they changed the script midway through the movie

    @Shyam: :-). Well you have been warned.

    @Rohan: Indeed. Very very abrupt…definitely a script change…

    @Nautilus: Ahem…yes I have been peeking at em too….and they are…well….

    @Nishit: Thanks

    @Footballnath: Now my question is: was your comment sarcastic? Cause if you seriously think I enjoy smelly farts and kisses from the Queen…..

    @Tintin: Before Dhoom III, I presume. Vivah you need to pay $10 to watch….way too expensive…may be if I get drunk during New Years..

    @Sandy: I feel sorry for you too.

    @Ali: Have not seen “Omkara”. I know that’s a crime.

    @Fah: Bowels? Shit? Oh my God.

    @Minakshi Singh: I agree. There were not even many bike sequences—a crime for a franchise whose USP is fast bikes and fast women.

    @Clairvoyant: 🙂

    @Gourav: Babul? Oh lord….I don’t think even I can sit through that one. I did sit through Baghban though.

    @Sunita: Yes I am a pervert. And you are a hardcore Hritwik fan. So we are even.

    @Jacob: Ever since Sanjay Gupta unleashed the slow-mo walk in “Kaante” , it has become de rigeur to have it in stylish action movies.

  38. Did you see it in a theater?. Did you note the scene where AB gives a scintillating analysis of how Aryan is going to commit the next crime in Mumbai and BB is absolutely stunned. AT that point I decided that the movie was crap. The theater question because it heightened my agony to see people enjoying the movie.

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  40. Also back from Dhoom, like a smelly fart that refuses to go away, is his partner, Ali played by Uday Chopra ostensibly to provide comic relief but in reality to remind everyone whose daddy is producing the movie.

    You save up your venomous best for poor lil UC don’tcha….LOL…this is the funniest movie review I’ve read in months (except of course Taran’s review of the same movie 🙂 ))

    Keep writing…
    Anoop

  41. Awesome stuff man…You Rock!!!!

    well I just watched Dhoom 2 today (I am smart, spent nothin fr it 😉 ) and it was #$$#$ lotsa ppl have said it already so i’d spare u tht….some of my takes on dhoom 2:
    abhishek has become damn too boring showcasing the same look and expression in all movies (just like his dad)…. bipasha nt evn getting dialogues in 2nd half (has to b ash’s intelligent move), and uday shud become a bouncer, y does he need 2 fool around in movies, no one likes him neways….hrithik does the same stuff mithunda wud do, just fr the high movie budget tht he gets so many accolades….

    honestly, i really thnk indian movies suck…. except fr prob nagesh kukunoor no one makes nethng worth watching….

    and finally sunita, hindi movies r damn good… i’ll give u a list of the few i hv seen recently, jaan-e mann, zindaggi rocks (sob sob), don, kank, golmaal, woh lamhe (pretty heroine who cant act), khosla ka ghosla (def nt as hilarious as it claimed to be)…. and some i havnt like rocky, vivah, apna sapna money money, etc etc

    pls name at least one which had some content in it …. n some movies tht i can spend some money on….

  42. Hritik is as earnest as he always is in all his flop films. I ended up feeling sorry for him for being a part of another dud film – and for being made to kiss Ash 🙂
    The film is waste.

  43. though I agree with many of your reviews.. I dont with this.. I actually enjoyed the movie.. :)… For me the best thing was Hritik’s Dance .. If you take that away there is very less left…I am assuing you are not that much interested in dancing.. Ash as she proclaims to the world ..doesnt exercise, It shows… her structure isnt suited to the role…

  44. I saw the movie. Here are couple of comments:

    – The dance scenes are out of context. The pattern is porbably this: a dance scene before some action, and a dance scene after some action.
    — In the beginning of the movie, after Abhishek meets Bipasha, there is a mention of some college reunion, and then the suddenly changes to a dance. No specific context of reunion, probably the viewer has to assume. Moreover, other people dancing at the side did not look like college reunion people.

    – The details of planning of the theft is not anywhere shown. There is only one scene which shows Hritik working on his laptop, and a magnetized glove to snatch a can of coke. Movies like Entrapment shows much more detailed planning.

    – The movie is supposed to be about cop and thief. In practice it is outweighted by love and romance details.

    – After the final theft of the-first-coins, and when Hritik and Aishwarya were speeding on a bike, how did Abhishek (on the chopper) locate them in a moment?

  45. Hi GB..
    Apart from the dhooms and the chooms..
    also saw some movies like omkara, anthony kaun hai, khosla ka ghosla, dor….nice movies..
    any reviews coming??

  46. Jalianwala Bagh, the avenging of the insult and Dhoom2, what wa way to put it! Bravo, GB!

    I saw “Dhoom2 ” over this weekend and actually enjoyed it. The plot had some holes in it. But, the movie is technically very slick and has an international style, be it the heists and chases, locations, gadgets, look of the actors or the music. It has defiitely raised the bar for Hindi action flicks.
    There was a lot of unnecessary riff-raff. What was with that “Monali” character? And, Uday Chopra was less of a cop and more of a cop-out. His role should have been made to have more substance along with the humour than making him just the “he-is-Yash Chopra’s-son-so-he-gotta-have-screen-time” dude.
    Hrithik danced, acted and performed his stunts superbly. He was the main anchor. The other performances were also good.
    GB, I actually laughed out loud seeing Hrithik as the Queen (allusion to Queen Elizabeth??!!). Is Her Majesty that tall? I can’t wait to read what the British press had to say about this travesty:).

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