On public demand (and we here are about as public-ity-hungry as Medha Patkar), more Greatbong Awards for the year 2006 are now announced.
Muhammed Ali Award for Humility 2006:
Winner: Himesh Reshammiya
Muhammed Ali once said simply “I am the greatest and I said that even before I knew I was” and then added “‘I’m not the greatest; I’m the double greatest. Not only do I knock ’em out, I pick the round.”
If there is anyone in the world who embodies this spirit of self-effacing modesty, it is Himesh Reshammiya, India’s greatest ever singer, rockstar and music composer.
It is not every human being who can appeal to denizens of the netherworld, balance the unadulterated adulation of manic fans who type in capitals, clothe the naked through a line of fashionable apparel named after his songs, diffuse his sublime musical talents to the unwashed by setting up a chain of music schools all over the country and still remain as down-to-earth as Himeshbhai.
While other celebrities seek to enhance their aura by making themselves inaccessible to the public, Himesh is refreshingly different. He feels that if he does not bare his own love story to his fans (like Paris Hilton), then he will remain “incomplete” (adhoora). That is why he is helming a bio-pic about himself called “Aap Ka Suroor” where, at a supposed cost of 75 crores, he will reveal, among other things why “God’s screenplay” is so unfair.
In the promos of the movie, Himesh says:
â€œBhagwan ka screenplay bhi aajab hai, kabhi kaisi ko mukambal jaan nahi milta, har insaan ne kabhi na kabhi kisi na kisi se pyaar kiya hai, maine bhi kiya hai, aur agar ab meri love story aap logo ke saath maine share nahi ki to meri zindagi adhoori â€¦..
Then the song tanhaiyaaaa, tanhaiyaaaa starts.
â€œBhagwan ka screenplay bhi aajab hai, kabhi kaisi ko mukambal jaan nahi milta, youâ€™ve witnessed the agonies of tragic love stories, you witnessed ectasies of immortal love stories, its time you witness mineâ€¦â€
Amazing ! As the fans await with bated breath the release of “Aap Ka Suroor” for startling revelations about his life (the promos that show Himesh jet-setting around Europe with blondes on his arm Bond-style has prompted internet chatter that Mr. Reshammiya may reveal himself to be an agent of “Nassad”, an ulta-secret, nasally-active wing of the Israeli secret service, Mossad), we wish Himeshbhai all the best for 2007 and congratulate him for sharing. And caring. And all the while remaining as modest as possible.
Sooraj Barjatiya Award for Wholesome Indian Family, 2006
Winner: The Mahajans
Sooraj Barjatiya’s movies have been acknowledged for painting a picture-perfect if though slightly unrealisable ideal of the Indian family: where the patriarch sits on the high-backed chair while the younger siblings gather at his feet, the trusty all-sacrificing servant helps the son with his naughty antics and the son sings, dances and exchanges sweet nothings with the ghar ki bahoo on karwa chauth and everything is fun and games.
Did I say unrealisable?
Let us be re-introduced to the Mahajans. Where the patriarch is shot to death by the younger sibling, the servant dies while snorting drugs with the son and the son thrashes up the ghar ki bahoo, putting a rather interesting twist to the “Hai Ram, kuriyo ko daale dana”.
Anthony Cleopatra Award for Best Couple, 2006
Winner: Kiran More and Greg Chappell
Kiran More is universally acknowledged to be India’s greatest wicketkeeper ever — remember how he called Kirmani a goalkeeper during a selection committee meeting?
One thing that he learned from his years behind the wickets was that a good wicketkeeper never grabs at balls, but stands patiently with legs wide apart, keeping his hands cupped and waits for the balls to settle into them.
Which kind of summarizes the technique by which he forged an alliance with Greg Chappell.
Cemented by an “private” agreement by which Kiran More became an “agent” of Chappell’s coaching school in Australia for “fun (read rich) and professional cricketers” and joined at the hip by a shared vision of filling up the Indian team with suitably pliant “yes” men and regional quota fillers masquerading as talent, they built up the team of the future, a team that is considered by many to be the favourites for next year’s World Cup. Kabaddi World Cup that is.
The Ultimate Fitness Institute Award for Weight Loss, 2006:
Winner: “Didi” M. Banerjee
For overweight people like us, one of the main challenges is to realize when we have crossed the line from “a few extra pounds” to “holy cow, look at that fat guy” category. This year it was our Didi who realized that she had crossed that line when pictures of couches and tables that she had sat/lain down upon were shown to the press and the public and it was revealed that the state exchequer needs to spend 15 lacs to bear the brunt of her gravitational attraction.
However once Didi realized that she had a problem on her hand (in addition to having becoming politically redundant), she did not give in to procrastination but immediately went on a fasting diet. But then again we all know that even more difficult than starting a diet is to keep it going and this is where Didi showed us the way by affixing a motivatory cause (farmers of Singur) to her dieting plan in the process killing two birds with one stone: weight loss and political ruckus creation.