Mooh Kala Muqabla Oh Lailaa


I just love the Bajrang Dal and their women’s wing Durga Bahini. Not only do they tirelessly uphold our Hindu traditions day in and day out, they also provide us moments of unalloyed mirth.

Bajrang Dal activists out to spoil celebration of love on Valentine’s Day made a couple sitting in a Bhopal park tie the knot and blackened the face of a foreigner. It, however, emerged later that the saffron brigade had wrongly caught a married couple.

In other words, quoting from that source of all knowledge “Gunda”, someone should tell the Bajrang Dal “Abbe nanhe-munhe, mare hue ko kyon maar rahe ho?”

Needless to say, the police were quick to discover a deep-rooted conspiracy here.

The police later claimed the episode was a “drama” staged by the Bajrang Dal. “The couple had tied the knot four months back and Divya is the a (sic) member of Bajrang Dal’s women’s wing – Durga Vahini,” a police said

Of course, this was all bull.

Bajrang Dal, however, denied the charge. “If they were married for four months, why did they meet in a park, under a tree on Valentine’s Day?

Indeed. Married people would never want to sit in a park, that too under a tree and share a romantic moment. They are always at home on Valentine’s Day fighting over whose turn it is to wash the dishes and who started the arguement.

This year of course to the three ring circus of card-burning, face-blackening and street marriages is added the arrival of India’s “love messiah” 54 year old, Shrimaan Batuknath, the “Mohabbatein” chair professor of love, and his paramour graduate assistant 24 year old Julie.

People would remember Batuknath upholding the highest standards of academic and marital ethics by having an affair with his student and then getting beaten up by his wife on national television, where the only thing that was left in the tamashaa was to have “Humme biwi naheen mangta, humme saali naheen mangta, humme Sandra from Bandra naheen mangta. To kaun maangta? Julie Julie” playing in the background.

Most noted for arriving in Ujjain on Rangpanchami in camaflogue terrorist-like fatigues, Batuknath’s appearance in Mumbai is ,needless to say, for a noble cause–namely to try to convince Raj Thackeray to “feel the love” and call off his agitation against North Indians. Just like Peter came back to Rome to save the Christians from being persecuted by Nero.

The self promotion for Batuknath that follows in the wake of his actions is of course purely co-incidental.

In all, a day of much merriment.

As the namesake of the good professor, Batuknath Lalan Prasad Malpaani from the movie “Chaalbaaz” (played by Shakti Kapoor) would say:

Baj gayee citi


34 thoughts on “Mooh Kala Muqabla Oh Lailaa

  1. GB, waiting for a post on the on the MNS and attacks on North Indians in Maharashtra. Or are your opinions on that such that you deem it wiser to keep them to yourself?

  2. @Anonymous: Waiting for you to kindly scroll down and read the post, 2 posts below, which, I believe, pretty clearly articulates my stance on the issue.

    Incidentally I do not post on every issue that makes it to the headlines. Not that I wouldn’t like to or that I have ulterior motives in staying silent. Its just that I have to pay the bills and also keep up the pretense of family life—-two things that take up a lot of time.

  3. That was a quick post. Just this morning I read about this Batuknath guy and was appalled at the coverage devoted to him. Did u read the part where Julie suggested the option of celebrating Radha-Krishna day to the protesters of V day.

  4. Nice humor GB, I think with the opening up of economy, TV and Internet – the foreigner’s do not remain a revered “atithi” anymore in India – they have become either lucrative preys for thugs or objects of sexual fantasy (prey for sexual assault). Does anyone else see a connection here? If so, its a pity..

  5. The Durga Bahini’s Feb-14 antics have only served to provide a few more topics to kool bloggers ala GB and stand-up comedians.

    On hindsight.. This latest addition of the Vivahastra to BD’s already slinky armory sure has great applications. Sample this.. Manoj and Julie facing opposition from their homes to get married decide.. enough is enough… PKTDK (guess what?).. Meet in a park.. under a tree ofcourse.. coochi-coo.. Enter Durga Vahini with a Panditji, a band and Baraatis… Light the fire.. 7 feras complete.. Finale – DB hands over a 5 nights-6 days fully paid honeymoon package tour to err.. umm.. Kashi… How romantic! (wink.. wink.. Any lovebirds reading?)

    BTW.. The likening of Batuknath to Peter coming to Rome to save Christians from Nero is unwarranted. The comparison neither meaningful does it increase the Humor Quotient of the blog.

  6. I seriously want to tell this bajrang dal people to “Get A Life”.

    They want to make india another Iran and become it’s caliph.I am from bhopal and I must tell that these people have really vitiated the atmosphere of that city. None of them are even aware of any ideology, it’s just uneducated, unemployed youth trying to have a day with some activity.Losers!!!

  7. Its sad that these political activists spent time and effort fighting over non issues like VDay celebs, Chatt poojas et all while there are so many other burning issues to be addressed.

    And yes, they have mastered the art of gathering publicity. Prof. Batuknath and his lady love also seem to be learning. Also, did you witness Rakhi Sawant’s love life crisis being telecasted on national TV? Abhishek getting slapped and how finally love triumphed! Gosh….

  8. This is getting more and more embarassing with each passing year!!!
    I remember reading one of GB’s earlier posts(“Tu hi Tu Bajrangi” , i think) where he , in his customary tongue-n-cheek manner, suggested that BD activists fighting love-birds is a clasic case of rivalry between Haves and Have-Nots.
    GB- can you despatch a large consignment of sex-dolls to India for free distribution to the BD/VHP/SS/MNS activists???Make sure they are clad in Saffron robes

    Last year Bangalore Authorities actually cut down some vegetation in the beautiful Lalbagh park because they feared couples would take advantage of them to get some privacy!!!!!!!How’s That??!!!??

  9. “If they were married for four months, why did they meet in a park, under a tree on Valentine’s Day”

    Who can argue with that? Huh..

  10. from an utterly frustated fat soul

    for the first time in my life, i got flowers on valentine’s day!

    i wish i could say that i got a long stemmed rose from a young man of 24.

    honesty compels me to say that it was a big fat lurid dahlia from a pair of twin brothers, aged 12.

    i just happen to be their class teacher.

  11. Maan, all the fuss for such a peaceful day.. i tell u this shiv sena , bajrang are just too jobless… where do they get all the money to maintain this ‘bandaron ka dal’ …

  12. @shobhit
    I think you should hope they “GetALifeSentence” !

    These guys are seriously scaring me. They are literally openly mis-interpreting “Indian Culture” and resorting to dadagiri and blatant violation of personal liberty. I just can’t believe that there is not a single public litigation against these people.

    They should be arrested and made to work in the jail making Archies V-Day cards and heart-shaped V-day cushions to earn their meals.

  13. LOL. What a pathetic joke. BD denigrates the Hindu cause by stooping to petty shennanigans like this.

    Swati “honesty compels me to say that it was a big fat lurid dahlia from a pair of twin brothers, aged 12. i just happen to be their class teacher”.

    Shabdhaan. If you see the terrible twins whispering ‘sandwich’ to each other and grinning in your direction, run like hell!! Rest assured gustation in the last thing they have on their hyperactive brains & other parts!!

    GB, leave Batuknath alone. The poor man’s trying to gain darshak ‘familiarity’ by TV overkill, all in order to hide his sheer embarrassment.

  14. Bajrangi bhaiyyon, me thinks you’re barking up the wrong tree. Have you checked temples during Diwali and Navratri lately?

    Girls and boys are dressed to the nines and its not because they’re trying to impress the gods. Never underestimate the resourcefulness and ingenuity of Indian lovers.

  15. maybe MNS might organise another ‘Manase naacho, Manase Khelo – Ball Dance’ for the benefit of all love birds targetted by Bajrangis?

    Of course, Northie migrants shall not be welcome to participate…


  16. Thalassa:
    I think you and many others missed the intentions of the anti-Valentinists.

    They have no problem with love-making and romanticism per-se.
    Any pooja or festival…and the world knows what young people are gonna do, including these anti-valentinists themselves. Actually, Vasant-kaal as period of heightened romatic activity is quite well documented in Hindu history for Gods know thousands of years..ehehe God knows.

    Their problem lies with the symbolism of “Valentine’s day itself. St Valentine being a important Christian figure in Catholic history.

    The fear of surreptitious inculturization of Christianity is what bothers these misguided oafs. And maybe they are not wrong. In fact how many Archies or Hallmark cards are made commemorating Vasanta Utsav, the age old celebration of love or for that matter how many people are there to celebrate that.

    The fact of the matter that Greatbong pointed out really well, is that this somehow has become the dividing gap between the haves and have-nots, the haves being those who seamlessly absorb global influences (in this case being a Christian tradition), while the have-nots still carrying on with the age old Vasanta Utsavs just by virtue of their socio-cultural intertia.

    Frictions are bound to rise.

    What these people dont understand is that by reacting in this manner, they are working totally detrimental to the goal they themselves want to achieve.

    Its good though, that they only paintfaces and dont dont chop people’s hands off or condemn them to hell for eternity.

  17. Deception, me thinks you have a slightly different understanding of haves and have-nots than what GB intended. Here’s a hint:

    Bajrangi: Aaj mere paas bungla hai, gaadi hai, paisa hai – tumhare pass kya hai?

    Pita hua premi: Mere pass girlfriend hai!!

    This is the what*s at sta2e

  18. @Hara hara bom bom


    my terrible twins have quite good taste.
    i have come to know that they DID give short-stemmed roses to the younger good looking teachers.

    you see, in our part of the world, a rose is a rose is a rose ……… stems be damned.

  19. @Deception-

    “Their problem lies with the symbolism of “Valentine’s day itself. St Valentine being a important Christian figure in Catholic history.

    The fear of surreptitious inculturization of Christianity is what bothers these misguided oafs. And maybe they are not wrong. In fact how many Archies or Hallmark cards are made commemorating Vasanta Utsav, the age old celebration of love or for that matter how many people are there to celebrate that.”

    I understand. But do you realize that the effect of this is contrary to their intentions. Remember it was the caste system that made so many people to defect from Hinduism. And teenagers want to do exactly whats taboo. I had friends while growing up who got tattoos and said “Oh Jesus” just because they thought it was cool. You give too much respect to some St. Valentine by opposing Valentines day. Also Valentine was a Catholic. And the book tells Catholics to stay away from sexual relations before marriage. If they really wanted to screw up the business of Archies, Zombies and other greeting card sellers, the Bajrangis could have put a brotherly arm around the young guys who like Valentines day and tried to explain to them, ” You gave what?..card and assorted chocolate…and what did you get in return..alcohol…no ..pussy…no……breast…no….maybe a brushing of the breast…an assurance that it will happen at a latter date…a kiss…or maybe a teasing hand in hand gesture which gave you that raging hard on…so tell me, was that 100 bucks greetings card worth it…look at Ajanta Ellora, look at all the great food you could have bought with that money…if she really loves you….then what the fuck does a greetings card do? You could have bought lotsa condoms for the same amount of money”. This kind of relaxation would automatically kill Valentine’s day. But opposition would make the boy will look at it was a coveted thing and one which by virtue of being the “forbidden fruit’, would be more alluring. Its all relative. In a talibanistic society, sometimes the sight of feet can be as good as sight of pussy. By opposing Valentine’s day, these people are actually promoting it.

  20. Anonymous Feb 15th, 2008 at 10:42 pm

    Pyaar Ka Dushman Saala, Tera Muh Kyun Ujaala?

    Some “Pyaar Ke Dushman” wanna boycott the “Jodhaa Akbar” movie…. I strongly disagree with their reasoning below:

    Interesting….. They say

    The truth is that although one of Akbar’s numerous wives was a Hindu Rajput princess, she was called Heerkunvar and not “Jodhaa”. Heerkunvar was the daughter of Raja Bharmal of Amer (Jaipur), and was married to Akbar as part of a political contract between Raja Bharmal and Akbar. On the day of the marriage Heerkunvar was converted to Islam and renamed Miriam Rehmani to make it a proper marriage under Islamic Law. Events show that there was hardly any love affair to precede Akbar’s contracted marriage to Heerkunvar, as Akbar had not even met Heerkunvar before their marriage was solemnized!

  21. and by the way

    The association of St. Valentine’s Day with love and courtship rose from coincidence of the date with the Roman festival of Lupercalia. The festival is believed to have been in honour of Faunus, the Roman god of flocks and fertility. Also known as Lupercus, he was worshipped in a temple on the Palatine Hill, and the festival was celebrated on February 14. The festival survived until the 5th Century A.D. The Christian church ended the feast of Lupercalia, transforming it into the feast of St. Valentine

  22. I wanted to burn things and blacken a few faces too… But I did not get the expected response to my call to arms 😦

    Now I want to be a Bajrang Dal activist! Only they seem to be having fun in these dark days for India traditions…

  23. HAHAHAHAHA…“Humme biwi naheen mangta… Julie Julie” playing in the background. Classic. Makes me nostalgic. I actually have that song somewhere among BapiDa gems in my Hindi Disco Collection CD.

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