Welcome to GB TV’s “Isko Dekho Please” . The date today is June 14, 2012 and we have for you an exclusive round up of the big releases this summer.
Abh Bas Bhi Karo Sarkar: The “Sarkar” saga continues with the fourteenth installment of the mega mafia drama. This time Abhishek and Aishwarya’s son, Mangalik Bachchan is crowned the new “Sarkar” making ” Sarkar” the first movie series in cinema history where more than 50% of the cast comes from the same family. The story is totally new: Sarkar’s empire is under attack from movie reviewers/failed movie makers, all jealous of the genius of “we-all-know-who”.
Armed with a blog, the new Sarkar attacks each of his enemies viciously with enormously laborious point by point deconstructions of their reviews. Noone is spared from his wrath—not the over-acting Masand, not over-genteel Khaled Mohamed, not the treacherous Madam Deepa Gehlot (not Gehloth) and definitely not the biggest threat of them all: Public Enemy Number 1, Rediff’s Raja Sen, a one-legged, one-eyed devil who according to Rediff message board, eats little children for dinner and deliberately uses big words in his reviews.
Directed by Ram Gopal Verma, directorial highlights of the movie are 25 minutes of total darkness where the only sound is Mangalik Bachchan’s keystrokes as he blogs, shafts of light that stream in every 30 minutes, another two scenes inspired by the Godfather series and most famously a guest appearance by Verma-friendly reviewer, Taran “Usool” Adrash who comes in 10 minutes before the interval and explains why his reviews are always laudatory to the big-shots with the very original line “Maine aap ka namak khaya hain Sarkar”.
[Cholche cholbe…What is will continue]
Main Hoon Kahawaat: Inspired by Will Smith’s “I am Legend” this movie opens in a future Kolkata where the dangerous Bandh-virus, unleashed by its mad creator Dr. Mamata Banerjee, has wiped out much of humanity. Those who have survived remain as undead zombies, hiding during the day and doing no work, coming out at night to protest against SEZs and to buy their copies of Ganashakti. Arrayed against them is the only person immune to the virus, crazy scientist Buddha who passionately hunts “bandhies” while frantically searching for a cure.
Is humanity saved? Does Kolkata go back to normal? Or is this what is normal in Kolkata?
Watch to find out.
[Prabhuji —Does a Licking and Keeps on Ticking](Picture courtesy “I love Trashy Movies“)
It’s Time to Deesco: [Idea inspired from a comment here]
Prabhuji (played by Mithun Chakraborty) is a faded disco-star. Running a dingy hotel, telling tired travelers tales of his glory days when “Aooooaa Aoooaaa” ruled the country and in generally drinking himself to ruin, his life is interrupted one day when a priest, Father Anthony comes to his door with a overweight young kid. Father Anthony tells Prabhuji—this is his son, the product of a night of passion with a groupie. Prabhuji has blanks in his memory, there had been nights when he had maangta”-ed many Julies and Sandras from Bandra. So he accepts the overweight kid as his own and calls him Momo, after his favorite dish and devotes his time and his savings in making Momo the biggest dancing star in the world.
Prabhuji sells his hotel and most of his clothes, takes Momo (Mimoh Chakraborty) to New York, cleans his soiled underwear and cooks for his son just so that Momo can learn to dance (and at the same learn Astro Physics at NASA) and the win the deeesco competition at the world-famous International Youth Conference, where he would have to defeat the notoriously demented “Son of Sam” , the offspring of the legendary “Sam” whom Prabhuji humiliated many years ago in Disco Dancer.
Just before the event, Prabhuji gets word that there will be a terrorist attack from the Shiv Sakti Organization at the conference. But what really shocks him is when Father Anthony confesses that he had lied—Momo is actually good friend Aoooo (played by Shakti Kapoor)’s illegitimate son.
So what does Prabhuji do now? Will he dance again with his guilty feet that got no rhythm and help Momo humiliate the Son of Sam? Will he again assume his alternate identity, Gunmaster G9 and save the world from certain ruin ? Will he accept Momo as a son or will he hang him to dry by letting him make his debut in a movie directed by Raj Sippy with a budget of 1 lac?
[Take that, India.]
Jasbaat, Junoon, Jung Aur Jangiya
Directed by Mahesh Bhatt, the plot of this movie is, like most of Bhatt’s offerings, most original. It involves a director having an extra-marital affair with a mentally unstable actress, an Indian who becomes a terrorist due to the oppression of the government, a tri-angular love story that involves murder and “sheets-covering-body” sex in front of a dead body. And yes it also involves Emran Hashmi, Shoaib Akthar, Kangana Run-Out, totally original music from Preetam. Needless to say, it will have its premiere in Pakistan (which explains the profusion of Urdu words in the title).
[Oh how hot I am ]
Ek Aur Mohabbatein
Shahrukh Khan (Raj Aryan) is a strict jailer who runs a men’s prison called Gaand-u-Kool. He also does not believe in love, especially of the kind that flourishes in the common bathroom areas. Into this colorless world comes a new inmate —Gaytunde (played by Karan Johar) , once a prison-guard at the same facility who was fired by Aryan for helping an inmate pick up a bar of soap. Soon the ordered world of the jail and of the jailer is thrown topsy-turvy. What is Gaytunde’s gayme? Does he want to engineer a prison riot and undermine Raj Aryan’s authority? Or does he want to teach the prison warden the beauty of love —a love that Gaytunde has for the jailer even today?
Watch out for a special item number by Ritu-bondho Ghosh in the jail shower—the song being “Hakka Bakka Hakka Bakka Hakka Bakka Hakka, Ikka naheen, Chauka naheen, chakka chakka chakka”.
Bullah Ho Gya Kharah—the Rise of Bullah
The long-awaited prequel to Gunda —this mega budget movie has been years in the making. Tracking the “rise” of Bullah, it begins with Bullah (Mukesh Rishi —official website), Chutiya (Shakti Kapoor) and Munni (arbit actress) coming to Mumbai as innocent bacche and their consequent loss of innocence as they transition from people “jo din main boot polish aur raat main tel malish karte hain” to the dark side of the force through the machinations of the evil Kafanchor Neta and Bacchu Bagona.
A treasure trove for Gunda fans, people will now get to know how Bullah and Pote became fast friends, why Chutiya was fed only London se sex ke goliyaan, the story of Ibu Hatela and his carbide-ripened kela, the strange case of Nirodh Kumar and Lucky Chikna and yes even details of the how Lambu Atta breast-fed Bullah in his nascent years (“maine usko doodh pila pilaake ke bara kiya aur abh woh mere chathi chabana chahata hain mere chathi” as Gunda fans would remember). Violent, profane and also allegorical, this prequel of “Gunda” is the most anticipated movie event of the decade.
And with Sanjay Leela Bhansali at the helm, one can be sure of blue and green tinged lenses, grand sweeping songs like “Jaha Nimboooda Nimbooda naheen ghusta wahaan nariyel ghused dete hain”, the “chinaals” from Lucky Chikna’s “latakta circus” brothel dancing in lock step to “Humara Baaje re baaje re baaje re”, a gritty castration scene softened by “Maar dalaaaa” in the background and of course Chutiya (Shakti Kapoor) wiping his buttock with a gossamer thin sheet.
A sure fire hit.
Humare Woh Aap Ke Haath Main Hain
Brought to you by the Bore-jatiyas and the world’s biggest adult features producer Vividly Video, “Humare Woh Aap Ke Haath Main Hain” is a genre-bending experiment that takes two of the world’s most successful cinematic formulae—the great Indian family drama and erotica and fuses them together in a way that noone ever thought possible. Comprising a multinational caste that constitutes Alok Nath, Reema Lagoo and Bindu on one hand and Ron Jeremy, Jenna Jameson and Slyvia Saint on the other, HWAKHMH tells the story of two innocent girls from the mountains(Jenna Jameson and Sylvia Saint), their doting dad (Alok Nath) and how once one of the sisters (Jenna Jameson) dies after she falls down the stairs, her other sister (Sylvia Saint) takes over her duties in the sasural.
Not much about this movie is not known except of course the picturization of an item song titled “Hoton se choo lo tum”. However we have managed to get hold of a few exclusive clips.
As we conclude this week’s Isko Dekho Please, we leave you with these scenes.
Ganga (Slyvia Saint) Radheshyam ji, aap ko hum aise thoree jaane denge. Itne dinon ke baad aaye hain. Aap ko to mooh meetha karna hi padega. [Radheshyam ji, I shall not let you go like this. You have come here after so many days. You cannot leave without making your mouth sweet]
Radheshyam (Pariksheet Sahani): Ganga tum bhi. Tumhari itni badi ho gayee hain par bhi kitni natkhati ho. Tumhare baat to maan na hi padega. Magar mera ek shart hain. [Ganga, you are too much. You have grown so much and yet you are so naughty. I have to give in to you. But I have a condition.]
Ganga: Kya Radheshyam ji? [What Radheshyam-ji?]
Radheshyam: Yeh ki tum mujse aapne haathon se khilaogi [That you feed me with your own hands]
Anandamohan (Ajit Vachchani): Aap to Paharganj ke misaal hain, Deendayal babu. Is umar main bhi aap sara din come karte hain. [You are Paharganj’s legend, Deendayal babu. Even in this age, you keep your hands busy all day]
Deendayal (Alok Nath): Kya kahen aap ko. Woh to jawani se hi adaat par gayee hain, din bhar come karne ka. [What to say to you.I have been working my hands ever since I was a young man.]
Deendayal (Alok Nath): Ganga beti tum to Ganga jaisi pavitra thi. Aur aaj tum ghar ghar main apne…chi…chi..chi..sharm ata hain mujhe tumhare peetaji kahelate huye. Aise tumne kyon kiye beta? [Ganga my daughter you were as holy as the Ganga. And today you are going from door to door and…shame shame…I am ashamed to call myself your father. Why did you do this my offspring?]
Ganga (Sylvia Saint): Peetaji, aap hi to kahte hain ki aapki beti paraya dhan hain. Main to sirf logon mein woh dhan ko baant rahi thi . [Dad, it is you who keeps saying that your daughters are someone else’s property. I have just been sharing that wealth with everyone.]
Bari-ma (Bindoo) [to Lajwanti (Jenna Jameson)]: Badchalan ladkee, kahaan se aayi hain mooh safed karke? [Lost in translation]