De Ghumake

On India TV, Baby Durga says “Sachin mera param bhakt” as a lady in a skimpy apsara choli sits besides her, smiling benignly.

A huge poster of Praveen Kumar, in the throes of passion, towers over the highway, with one look at the picture enough to convince one that the man got injured while doing that expression.

A news channel shows an half-hour slot on different dancing styles of Team India—including action footage of Sreesanth, Yuvraj and Bhajji.

Veena Malik, the female Kasab, romances a cut-out of Yuvraj Singh on India TV’s visionary show “Big Toss” as his father looks on approvingly while other assorted third rate celebrities—batsmen, bowlers and even all-rounders [e.g. Rakhi and Slyvie]) deliberate on cricket, a panel of geniuses whose combined knowledge of the great game is beaten only by the panel of Vinod Kambli and Sairaj Bahutule on Star News.

Some bemused Japanese tourists at Varanasi are made to hold a garlanded picture of Sachin as a huge prayer convention, with an army of saffron sadhus, is held for India’s success.

Topless Indian cricketers in blue body paint remind one of Pooja Bhatt’s Demi Moore inspired cover from the 90s.

Sonu Nigam sinks more deeply into his Celine Dion avatar in the World Cup opening show. Brian Adams sings “Summer of 69” and Yuvraj says “What? IPL after-party already?”

Manmohan Singh, while discussing the 2G scam, is a question away from being asked “Sir do you think Raina should play instead of Yuvraj?” and the great man is an answer away from saying “Whatever our coalition partners want”.

Dhoni practicing helicopter shot by making sugarcane juice, Harbhajan getting “ungli main tingli” (a condition straight out of “Gunda”) , Pietersen doing an “ek tarbooza put inside” in honor of “Jahaan nimboo naheen ghusta wahaan nariyel ghused deta hai” and a lady cutting onions and cooking in anticipation of a bigger job later on.

The Indian World Cup team of 83 making more money appearing in TV programs now than they did by winning the World Cup.

Shankar Ehsaan Loy, who seem to have taken a no-bid contract on “official” songs, belt out their pumping World Cup theme, as pumping and inspirational as a Manmohan Singh speech.

Yes the World Cup is about to begin. But the circus has already started.

39 thoughts on “De Ghumake

  1. second!!!! This is a first for me….

  2. er… is cricket included as part of the WC11 schedule? if so, when is that performance? perhaps it gets a 30min slot in the closing ceremony?

  3. What we need is soccer. This is sheer madness.

  4. a regular reader of your column…you provide a good read.

  5. yeh cricket ka nasha hai
    sabko india se aasha hai
    firangi ke juban mein hindi bhasha hai
    world cup ek mazedar tamasha hai
    lekin iss article mein bakiyon jaisa nasha nahi hai
    ab aap batao…kya yeh sahi hai

  6. Nicely covered the pre-world cup hoopla…

  7. @ Swayambhu Mukherjee,

    That was supposed to be “razor-sharp” sarcasm from the self-styled “great bong” who owns this blogspace.

  8. “Manmohan Singh, while discussing the 2G scam, is a question away from being asked “Sir do you think Raina should play instead of Yuvraj?” and the great man is an answer away from saying “Whatever our coalition partners want”.” LOL. Do keep us entertained with more such posts.

  9. You chose to go to India at this time to soak in all the hype & make posts like this, didn’t you?

  10. I also have that question.
    Should it be Raina or Yuvraj? You could have opined more on that Arnab.

  11. “The Indian World Cup team of 83 making more money appearing in TV programs now than they did by winning the World Cup.”

    So true …

  12. Veena Malik, the female kasab..:P superb!!!

  13. ha ha ha… wonderful post greatbong… but on a serious note the best pre world cup discussions were carried out by NDTV. It was so refreshing in the sense that it did not ask the experts the same old cliche questions on 1983 or India’s chances in this WC or is this the test for the 50-over format etc. The expert panel included Ajay Jadeja, Dean Jones and Sunil Gavaskar and the questions used to be asked by the lovely but underrated Sonali Chander. There is very interesting discussion not only on cricket and WC topics but also on other things which revolve around cricket such as the best ad campaign during this WC,the best bit of advice that the experts used to get from the spectators etc. etc. And you will find that Sunny Sir has a wonderful sense of humour. The show is called ‘Pitch Battle’ & is a refreshing change from what the other news channels have to offer.

  14. In IITM lingo, the slang term “Getting the ‘Cup’ ” meant “flunking the exam”. …So I hope India, as a nation, does NOT “get the Cup”.

    Cricket is healthy and good for Indians – only if you actually play it yourself; be it street-cricket or on an actual cricket ground.

    But watching cricket obsessively on TV is unhealthy, vicarious and silly.

    A good analogy would be “watching porn excessively”, when the real stuff (S-E-X) is better and healthy when you actually do it.

    We’re the Land of Kamasutra …since when did we believe in “virtual” entertainment? Asli mazaa toh asli cheez mein hai !!! 😉

    So, turn off the TV. Call your friends together; get your cricket bat, ball and stumps …. and start playing “10-Overs” cricket during the weekends.

    Whether you live in India or abroad, its fairly easy to find a nearby park or play-ground where you can get some good ol’ cricketing fun.

  15. 🙂 nice post…. this world cup special ads of Pepsi are one of the worst that I have seen

  16. surely the 83 team is making a lot of dough every 4 yrs. i wonder where they get the energy to talk abt it so enthusiastically every 4 yrs, abt the same “turning points”, “important spells” and “cameos”. In fact they must be secretly worried if another indian team wins, who will talk to them anymore? the only reason most of those players are talked or written abt is for that single tournament.

  17. “Yes the World Cup is about to begin. But the circus has already started.”

    And we are sure going to enjoy every moment of it 🙂

  18. Great post..

  19. Ye India Ka cricket Hai. Don’t try to understand. Just go with the flow and enjoy the all tamasha attached with it.

  20. I saw Bhappi Lahiri analyzing India-Australia warm-up game while shamelesly plugging his new song.

  21. and please do not mind but your this blog (and now my comment) is also part of this circus 🙂

  22. “pumping World Cup theme..”

    Doggy style…?!

  23. Sugarcane juice machine? Do you remember how long/ small the handle was?

    That’s a contraption used in villages for cutting the dried grass blades into smaller ‘flakes’ to be used for cattle feed.

  24. @Bengalvoice, IITM lingo? 😀

  25. @Lalit – Toi(let paper) has indeed published a good article this time about an honest cop.
    But if you look closely…that honest cop is disliked by Nitish Kumar, therefore possibly LIKED by CONgressi junta .. therefore TOI has no qualms printing it.

    Simple 🙂

  26. galti se Mishtake February 21, 2011 — 8:05 am

    Nice tini-tiny question.
    why no mention of agarkars ‘shocking’ absence/sreesanths ‘foul’ cry/nehra’s ‘fitness’ mantra??
    make a part2 of this post..may be when we reach semis.. 🙂

  27. Always Cricket First.!!

  28. Hi Greatbong,
    I might have missed the humour, but I didn’t find this in good taste
    “Veena Malik, the female Kasab”.
    While Kasab remains a diabolic killer and our enemey no1, Veena Malik showed us the other face of Pak in big boss, as that of a great entertainer.
    Hope you can clarify what you meant by it.

  29. I think this should be the official theme song of WC 2011


  30. GB, your views on P Sainath’s decimation of lame duck PM press conference ?

  31. Hi Gb
    Hope u have safely landed.
    BTW, now CONgress is the ruling party and Arnab Goswami is officially the opposition.
    I dream of the dream jodi where Arnab G grills the Govt. reading the lines/ material written by Arnab Ray.

  32. ha ha..’all rounders’

  33. the pepsi ads are really chutiyatik but somehow intersting.

  34. It is Janet Jackson and not Demi Moore.

Have An Opinion? Type Away

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close