The Most Awesome Candidates of Election 2014 -Part 1

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KRK

KRK

When the atrocities of the Manoos-es on poor “North Indians” , led by The Bane of Arnab Goswami from the Thacker House, had reached the tipping point, a handsome hero rose by the name of “Deshdrohi” from the Hindi heartland. Through dialogs like “Jitne nafrat humhare liye tumhare  dil main  hain , usse zyada pyar tumhare liye humare  seene main hain. Kabhi UP Bihar aake dekhna, mehman ko bhagwan samajhte hain hum” (The hatred in your heart is surpassed by the love in our heart, come to UP Bihar, we treat our guests like Gods) and the Azamgarh slide, a martial arts move where a man slides and punches the enemy in the testiclewa, KRK established himself as a champion of the common people. Subsequently he went to Big Boss House to represent the awaam where he engineered an eviction based on a carefully constructed act of high drama, (the throwing of a glass at a contestant), a gambit whose principle would be copied in a different context by another mustachioed champion of the aam aadmi to eject himself after 49 days of a similar reality show.

Despite having his milk come from Holland and his water from France and some of his opinions of humanity from the middle ages, KRK’s empathy for the ordinary man and especially for the extraordinary woman (Asin) and his politics of kick and kiss is well known by people on Twitter. Hence come election time, it would be expected that the Deshpremi inside him would triumph over the Deshdrohi.

What was fortunate was that there already existed a political party that shared his progressive views on women and secularism and other important things.

Samajwadi Party.

 

Yes the same one whose leader loves, in the context of punishing rapists, to sing  “Boys just wanna have fun”  to the chorus of his son, intoning in Cyndi Lauper’s voice, “Daddy D you know you are still number one”.

That one.

However and we can only consider this a measure of KRK’s awesomeness, he has proven to be too much even for Samajwadi Party. Which is why he has voluntarily left the party and is now an independent candidate for Mumbai North West, the celebrity crucible constituency where he is locked in battle with worthies like Mahesh Manjrekar (of MNS) and Rakhi Sawant of RAP.

Which brings me to…

rakhi

Rakhi Sawant

Rakhi Sawant needs no introduction. For the last many years, she has waged a war on multiple social evils like wearing too many clothes, Mika and good taste. Whether it be dispensing justice in a sham court or engaging in a sham wedding on cable TV, Rakhi Sawant has refused to compromise on her principle of shameless self-promotion for even one second.

Unlike other celebrities who become political just before elections and then go back to peddling water purifiers, Rakhi has never been shy of expressing her political inclinations, however contradictory they may be.

On Sonia Gandhi [Link]

I admire Sonia Gandhi and all that she stands for! she’s my ideal! I can do anything for her! And whatever people may say, I feel the woman, who has lost her husband at the altar of duty, deserves to rule the nation!

On Narendra Modi [Link]

“Just the way I have come from Mumbai to Delhi, I want country’s janta to come on the streets and vote for Narendra Modi. I am certain he will be the new PM,”

On Kejriwal [Link]

Rakhi said that as per her view Kejriwal is as an “item boy”. Rakhi said, if she ever had to do an item song with Kejriwal, she would like to dance on the popular Bollywood song “Babuji zara dheere chalo, bijli khadi yaha bijli khadi’, from the movie Dum. 

According to her, BJP had been after her to contest elections for them, and offered her a seat in Bengal, which if true, says a lot for BJP’s election strategy for the state. However Rakhi, being the sharp businesswoman that she is, would have nothing to do West Bengal and decided to contest as a candidate from Mumbai North West. As she explains most humbly, she did not want to stand for elections because of her extremely busy schedule and her long line of assignments but then the people of her constituency came and begged her to stand for office and she, being the amazing person she is, could not refuse.

Touching.

So she has started her own party  Rashtriya Aam Party or RAP, whose election symbol she has chosen to be a “green chilli”, possibly because her first item song was called “Mohabbat Hain Mirchi”. In an outreach campaign I am sure that will be studied by analysts for years to come, she is reaching out to her electorate by getting someone she refers to as an “andawaale bhai” (the egged brother) to deliver eggs to houses, eggs that apparently have Rakhi Sawant’s picture on them.

An insanely genius move because nothing says “breakfast of champions” more definitely than Rakhi’s eggs.

But what has really touched a chord has been Rakhi’s aggressive campaign style.

A day after this paper reported statements made by Aam Aadmi Party Lok Sabha candidate, Mayank Gandhi, about his political opponent Rakhi Sawant, the latter lodged a complaint against Gandhi for derogatory remarks. Both Mr Gandhi, and Rakhi’s Rashtriya Aam Party (RAP) are in the fray for the Mumbai North West Lok Sabha constituency, currently held by Congress’ Gurudas Kamat. Mid-day had reported how Mr Gandhi had dismissed Rakhi’s candidature, saying no serious voter would choose them. “Majaa maarne wali janta will vote for Rakhi,” Mr Gandhi had said.

Reacting to this, Ms Sawant went ahead and lodged a non-cognisable offence against Mr Gandhi in Oshiwara police station.

A member from RAP told this correspondent that the complaint had been lodged as the remarks were found to be derogatory against women.

Of course Rakhi’s retort was keeping in tune with her gentle self.

Mayank Gandhi ki taange hil chuki hai, kaleja phat chukka hai, uski neend gayab ho gayi hai, usko darr lag raha hai. AAP, meri party RAP se darr gaya hai.(Mayank Gandhi’s feet are quivering; he has no belly for the fight and he is losing sleep. He is scared. AAP is scared of RAP) Many people from AAP have joined RAP, and he is scared.

What has become the stuff of legend though has been her televised debates against KRK, where she decimates the latter, like Gayle did to the bowling of Prashant Paramasweran when he blasted him for 37 runs.

Absolutely sublime.

If she does not renew your faith in the political process, I don’t know what will.

(Image courtesy: NDTV)

More to come….

 

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12 thoughts on “The Most Awesome Candidates of Election 2014 -Part 1

  1. Awesome… “being the sharp businesswoman that she is, would have nothing to do West Bengal and decided to contest as an election from Mumbai North West”

  2. How can you forget Bappida contesting from Sreerampore? Not fair. You need a dose of Rakhi ka Insaaf for this grave omission.

  3. A cursory treatment of Bengal candidate list will keep your wheels running for a year…Please fire right away…Eagerly waiting

  4. Small comment about the 49 day reality show, in your words. Congress promised ‘unconditional support’ whence AAP had to make a govt. What does the phrase mean in your understanding – support your govt and oppose your bills (Mulayam – Congress tough love)? So they quit. Can you please care to elaborate why that qualified for being called reality show? While stuff like ” … janta maaf nahi karegi” fraud campaigns despite knowing that police is a state function not centre’s (or while BJP’s own ministers face rape cases, while BJP maintains ‘resounding silence’) do not qualify for cheap politics in your books 🙂

    That said, I do understand that there is no reason why you can’t have a bias while others can. Lastly, just check once if inside you aren’t slightly jealous of Kejrwal for successfully doing things such as contesting and winning without a plank of caste, language and usual political ammunition in India, that intellectuals (may be including you) had thought impossible.

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