Greatbong's Awesomely Great Movies of 2007

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There is so much tequila one can drink and head-ache pills one can take and time one can kill. Which is why I have been unable to see many of the gems that have been released this year, each of them possible candidates for my “awesomely great movies”— the “Reds”, the “Cash”s, the “ShakalakaBoomBoom”s, the “Fool N Finals”, the “Good Boy Bad Boy”s and the “Naqaab”s. Based on the ones I did manage to see however, here is my list of the 5 movies of 2007 that will be remembered in the anals (intentionally misspelt) of Hindi filmdom.

5. RaqeebRivals in Love: The reasons why I loved Raqeeb are:

a) A love quadrilateral. Nothing gets my respect more than when people dare to dream beyond the hoary triangle.

b) Rahul Khanna standing up in a restaurant and saying ” I am not gay” ala Larry Craig.

c) Plump bird Tanusree Dutta and her Jharkhands.

d) The most wicked plot resolution. Ever. After the villains make an elaborate (and I do mean elaborate) plan to murder the hero, they find that the hero has seen through their whole plot. How? Through deduction? No. Through guesswork? No. Then how? Well as the hero reveals: when the villains were making their plots, “sab computer pe record ho gya” and he came to know of it immediately. That’s it. Wickedly simple and yet like all great twists I never saw it coming.

4. Red Swastika: Mona Chopra aka Sherlyn Chopra’s ambition is to do a porn movie with Martin Scorcese. She did her ambition of being noted by Marty no harm this year with her pivotal role in “Red Swastika”, a cerebral, sensual thriller from the warped mind of Vinod Pande which pitted the noted thespian Deepsikha against Mona Chopra, creating a takkar-pe-takkar treat for the senses on the lines of Robert De Niro vs Al Pacino in “Heat”. For more on this movie and its significance, please read this review.

3. Phir Tauba Tauba: If you come today, you are too early. If you come tomorrow, you are too late. And if you come once, you have to come again. Which is why a sequel to “Tauba Tauba” , fem-bot Payal Rohatgi’s greatest hit, was always inevitable. Helmed by the creative genius of T L V Prasad, who brought you “Naughty Boy” last year, “Phir Tauba Tauba” takes the hero from “Naughty Boy” and the hero of doubtful gender from the original “Tauba Tauba”, adds in legendary Sawan Kumar Tak favorite Saadhika (last seen in “Salma Pe Dil Aa Gya” and the song Kudrat ka nazara, “ball”-a re “ball”-a), garnishes it with a little bit of Rahul Roy in brief swimming trunks and serves it up with generous dollops of mystery and sensuality.

However what makes “Phir Tauba Tauba” a class above, are the poetically subtle dialogs with multiple meanings —the true significance of which are not always immediately apparent.

British waitress Molina in black bra [sings in British accent]: “Choli ke peeche kya hain, choli ke peeche, chunri main dil hain oooh oohhhh ho haaa”

Hero: Molina, tumhe pata hain choli ke neeche kya hota hain?

Molina: Dudhu…

Heroes laugh:

Bobby Darling: Molina, choli ke peeche dudu naheen hota hain heart hota hain.

Yes. A lot of heart this movie has. I guarantee you that.

2. Parveen Bobby: It is well known that Parveen Babi, one of Bollywood’s leading ladies of the 70s, had a tragic life having being used and abused by leading men and directors. So what better way to pay her a tribute than by exploiting her name once again to sell a sleaze-fest. Of course the movie “Parveen Bobby” ,despite the name, has only passing similarity to the life of the original actress, perhaps because there was little of her story that had already not been exploited by Mahesh Bhatt.

Make no mistake however. “Parveen Bobby” may not directly be about Parveen Babi but it is all about exploitation. More specifically, exploitation in the film industry where men use women as stepping stones and other men as humping bags. Less a flight of fantasy and more an underground documentary, “Parveen Bobby” blows the lid off Bollywood hypocrisy and in an year where a leading playback singer accused a scribe of having sent him manly proposals (technically called Sonu-spanking) , such a movie can scarcely go unnoticed.

In a RTDM exclusive, we bring you a video clip from the movie which informed readers will immediately realize is a scene that is more fact than fiction, more art than seduction.

[Video Link] (quasi not safe for work)

1. Old Is Gold Nothing can be truer than this age-old maxim and if there is anyone who doubts it, he/she is advised to watch “Old is Gold” where “Saukheen” meets “Dil Chahata Hain” in a manner no-one could have imagined possible.

Bosom buddies Kader Khan and Asrani are lecherous married men bored with their wives (Himani Shivpuri and Amita Nangia, a curiously coincidental name for an actress in a Shakti Kapoor movie). Their common friend Shakti Kapoor, the CEO of a large software company (who as the narrator tells us “aapne office main laadkon ke muqable zyada tar ladies staff rakhte hain”), is however single despite his age and his supremely fit “gym-hardened” body and the classy romantic lines, full of IT jargon, that he delivers looking at his comely “ladies” employees (not looking at their faces of course, he is too decent for that):

Tumhare software dekha . Software dekhkar bahoot maza aaya. Hum ne tumhara poora software aapna hard disk main utaar liya hain.

But every dog, even one like Shakti Kapoor, has his day and he gets to meet another desperate lady on chat, they connect emotionally and she asks him to come down to Goa. Kader Khan and Asrani join in, if only to get the opportunity to score some hot babes.

And so, the three senescent men take a life-altering trip down to Goa where they encounter lusty couples, a moronic don named Johnny Fracture and his midget cohort Salim Nata (a tribute to Gunda’s Lamboo Aata) , a Hindi-speaking Russian dancer, blackmailers, a daft detective and a biker gang of eunuchs in leather bras and shorts— all of which culminate in an amazingly choreographed “tribute to Andaz Apna Apna” climax where Shakti Kapoor bites the breasts of one of the Hijra goons (picture to the left) and comes up with a ball in his mouth.

The acting is top-class and of the three, mega-lusty Asrani is the surprise packet stealing the thunder away from the ever-reliable Shakti Kapoor. What however impressed me most was the beautiful way the director depicts the first meeting of two chat-pals: something that I have not seen any Bollywood director ever address with such finesse. No the two lovers do not sing “Ainaa bata kaise unka dil churana hain. Aaj phir akele main unse milne jana hain. Mohabbat hain Mohabbat hain”.

No they do not. Cause there is no such “mohabbat” in Net relations.

Instead what they do is this.

Heroine: Maine black color ka skirt-top aur pink color ke scaf baalon main lagaaya hain aur pink ki color ki lipstick bhi lagai hain. Aur aap?

Shakti Kapoor: Maine pahene hain pink kurta. Aur pink jeans. Aur mere baal khaare hain

Heroine: Oohhh. Pinkie pinkooo…

Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

[Old is Gold photos courtesy here]

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31 thoughts on “Greatbong's Awesomely Great Movies of 2007

  1. GreatBong,

    Simply fabulous, Just when I thought your movie reviews for the year are getting too cliched, you come out with this priceless of a Gem. “Old is Gold” now thats a movie I want to watch, any youtube or video google links for the same would be greatly appreciated? Also I am suprised you did not include “Buddha Mar Gaya” in this list especially after having read your earlier review for the same. One question where do you unearth these hidden gems from ? Kudos to you for this master piece GreatBong and waiting to enjoy more of these. Happy New Year to all the readers

    -Guru

  2. …Jata to …. I’m sure I can find some of these on the web and watch them as a pre-prep for the New year’s eve festivities while I sit and pray for Indian to bat out 6 more sessions !

  3. ROFL ROFL!!! Now, I had not heard about Old is God, or for that matter the sequel to Tauba Tauba!!! That’s two movies to catch up immediately!! The video link was priceless – Sigh who could they be? Bobby darling and SRK, KJ and Bobby darling, or maybe KJ disguised as Bobbydarling hehehe!!

    I have to catch up on these movies immediately! 2 more movies added to my list of ever growing must watch movies… I am very keen on watching “Icy n Spicy”, “De De Ek Chumma”, “Love Ka Tadka” and “Kaamguru” specifically!

    Awesome post – the ONE i had been waiting for hehehe!

    S

  4. Well , I thought Bollywood works in a logic where , anything that’s not been declared in the Good/Best/Avg kind of category should however end up in the ” Awesome” category….But apparently not as it seems there is even tougher competition in that category than the other lists…What a Pity as I thought it could’nt get any worse.

    Wishing you a good new year to Mrs and Mr GB, and yes hoping that you have seriously more challenge to decide the Awesomely great movies next year….BTW how does your missus get you to watch this crap? or am I smelling something Phishy!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Thanks for Old is Gold, I did see it. Wonderful, loved it. Interesting to see Amita Nangia after a long time, she used to be the favorite ‘victim’ of Shakti and Anupam Kher.

  6. Good collection GB!! Happy new year!!
    One thing I always wnated to ask.. and now I am.. why in the name of God have you never reviewed the mid 80’s gem “Pataal Bhairvee”.
    Now I know you are the fan of prabhuji, but still, that should not make you discriminate against other less/more mortals..

    Why GB.. why?

  7. Arnab,

    After reading your first review(worst films), I felt that you watched any film, however bad the review was. That kind of set a standard. I must say that that standard has been raised to quite a pedestal after knowing that you watched all these hit movies too .

    Looks like in addition to you blogging,and your other jobs (combing Salman’s hair, managing Puru Rajkumar’s career, tutoring Bipasa Basu in physical sciences and book-keeping the Indian National Congress’s accounts), you seriously have a lot of time 🙂

  8. Where would we be without Professor Arnab’s educational film curricula?

    Arnab is like Jesus. He suffers so we might not have to…unless we want to, of course! 😀

  9. Hi,

    For once I was disappointed. Not because of the content of the blog, but because of the repetitiveness of the subject…good, bad, ugly etc of bollywood.

    I was almost sure that you realised the existence of a cult out here. The passion with which yourfan2, shan et al leave replies on your blogs -expletives ,heady references to Nietze and all- sort of gives the world the glimpse of the seriousness of their (& mine) preoccupation with your blogs.

    Along comes this overstretched idea in the form of the third piece on bollywood’s best or worst (albeit studded with gems) & suddenly gives rise to a suspicion that you, perhaps, do not take your readers – nay fans, that seriously. While you should have the freedom to write what you please about what you wish, atleast a few of your readers have by now the right to feel that this last piece was thrusted upon them. And that’s clearly not on, I dare say.

    Care

    P.S. I also agree with Hrashit about you having a great deal of time…maybe you live in Boston & the only other job you have this holiday season is shovelling snow!

  10. “A love quadrilateral. Nothing gets my respect more than when people dare to dream beyond the hoary triangle.”

    “Plump bird Tanusree Dutta and her Jharkhands”

    There is a strange kind of ethereal beauty in your writing GB. :))

    I just have to watch ‘Old is Gold’ now. 🙂

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  12. @Venky and Harshit:
    Referring to the contention of GB having too much time, ever heard of the existence of a thing called “Christmas break”??
    As far as his blogs becoming repetitive are concerned, you answered your own query, Venky, with the sentence : “While you should have the freedom to write what you please about what you wish”…Period…In case you came late to the party, it would be good to inform you that blogging is NOT about playing to the gallery, it IS very much ONLY about giving vent to personal opinions…so if you, me, or for that matter GB, want to use their blog for anything , ranging from expressing admiration for Rakhi Sawant’s gyrations (which I’m sure you do) to disparaging Osama/Bush/Modi/mother-in-law- and REPEATEDLY, then that comes under the purview of “personal freedom”…

  13. @Venky
    Reviews of “awesomely great movies” (which pass underneath general public notice) are one of the USPs of this blog!

    btw Old is Gold sounds “awesome” alright 🙂

  14. Now I can step into 2008 with a clear conscience, since I haven’t had the opportunity to watch any of these classics, but reading about them here has gone a long way to salvage my conscience, especially the Youtube video of the scene from Parveen Bobby. I know you have a ban on Bhojpuri films at the moment, but can we expect a post on the best flicks from the Indian heartland of this year, for old times’ sake?

  15. I have a feeling that this will be the new anthem for sexual innuendo for male workers in the Indian IT industry from now on:

    “Tumhare software dekha . Software dekhkar bahoot maza aaya. Hum ne tumhara poora software aapna hard disk main utaar liya hain.”

    Great scriptwriting!

  16. Lol @ Pinkie pooh

    Surely winnie must be getting a complex

    Much commended for sitting thru these nitemares, especially Bloated Bhansalis bourgeouis bakwaas

  17. wow u have gr8 patience to watch such movies~~~i didnt knew there was a sequel to tauba tauba. keep watchin such movies so they will get some audience and we get gr8 entertainment in form of your reviews~~hah~~

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