Knight Rider Korbo Re

As many of you may know, I have nothing but the highest regard for Shahrukh Khan’s intelligence and acting prowess and though I may refuse to acknowledge this in mixed company, an embarrassingly serious crush on his 6-pack abs. So when I heard that SRK had acquired the ownership of the Kolkata franchise of the IPL, I felt that indescribable sensation in an indescribable body part, the kind of which I first felt when I saw a bare-torsoed man,his essentials covered by a white towel, jump off the diving board in Baazigar.

In a way this was inevitable. Owning a company with the name “Red Chillies”, it was fated that the great Khan would plump for the “Red” bastion of Bengal.

But then I got a bit confused.

The “red” part was ok but what kind of chillies, red or small, could SRK possibly be interested in?

The mystery started unraveling once the initial auction results were out. SRK and his now Man Friday Sourav Ganguly had invested top dollar for Shoaib “Chuck De” Akthar, the cricketing equivalent of radioactive waste–an entity that is not just useless in itself but has the potential to harm those around it, a lump of noxious trash whose producers (in Akthar’s case his home country Pakistan) would pay money to get rid of. I will confess that my first reaction was a gigantic “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot” of shock — how could anyone, far less someone as smart as SRK, pay a single paisa for this volatile cocktail of non-performance, bluster, performance-enhancing drugs and total lunacy?

Everything started to make sense however once I saw this picture.

As Shahrukh Khan himself said— all that’s important is entertainment.

In other words, “who would provide the greatest entertainment” is the guiding philosophy for being bought by Shahrukh.

By “entertainment” however what he may have meant, though we cannot be sure, is ” entertainment for himself”.

Here’s the fact. It’s not your averages and strike rates that matter in the world of the Khan. What really cuts the butter is how hot and juicy your chilly is.

Which is why it does not matter that, with only 4 foreign players being allowed in a team at one time, the Kolkata management has not picked a single Indian batsman of repute (and no Akash Chopra does not yet have any repute in the shorter versions of the game). [Ganguly, if you remember, was not “picked”] making the team extremely thin batting wise.

It’s also quite besides the point that, from a purely cricketing stand point, this makes the Kolkata team looks one of the most ill-balanced in the league.

Instead what’s of utmost importance is the physical variety of the players—from uber-muscled he-men like Shoaib Akthar to waif-like, cutey-pie Unlucky “Chikna” Ajit Agarkar, a lethal double-bill of entertainment for the opposition batsmen. Misbah-ul-Haq —now he only rhymes with cock. Which is why Kolkata does not need him. The real deal however is Salman Butt. That’s because Shoaib loves Salman (they run around topless in Mumbai in the wee hours of the morning) and SRK, well, let’s say he finds the Butt worth investing in.

The coup-d’grace was of course the naming of the team –the Kolkata Knightriders. What could be classier than invoking David Hasselhoff and what could be more honest than phonetically implying that the players are defined by their proclivity to ride, perhaps each other, at night. Indeed what could be more “in theme” than making the team logo a medieval Greek helmet, no doubt a hat-tip to the days when muscled men would play sports in the nude ( Factoid: The word “gymnasium” comes from the Greek word “gymnos” which means naked)

Think I am reading too much into everything? Go to the official Knightriders team site and do check out a video titled, of all things, “Ball Eater” which shows a player sensuously eating… yes you got it.

And how could I forget the mascot Hoog-Lee and the theme song “Korbo Lorbo Jeetbo Re” ? Growing up in Kolkata, the word “korbo” has sinister connotations of fornication and when the chorus goes “Korbo Re”, my voice magically joins in. And just when I think things cannot get better, it does.

With a reference to my favorite movie of all time, Gunda.

On being asked who will be the ‘goonda’ of the team among Sourav Ganguly, Shoaib Akhtar and Ricky Ponting, Shah Rukh Khan said, “The two guys – Sourav and John will be the goondas, it can’t be me because I’m innocent and Sourav is already known as ‘Dada’, in fact the whole team will be a pack of goons.”


As I read this, my demented mind couldn’t help but think of the following hypothetical scene, again inspired by Gunda.

Scene: The Knight Riders have been handed a drubbing by Chennai.

Sourav Ganguly : Chennai Super Kings ne humaara rumaal phara hain.

Akthar: Hum unke pantloon pharenge.

SRK: Woh bhi peeche se.

John Buchanan: Angootha Lagake.


So bring it on Hyderabad and Mumbai and Priety Zinta. As our webpage says “We are the King’s men. We Rule” where of course SRK is the King.

Remember even if we lose, there is one thing that is guaranteed— in the (un)likely situation that Kolkata Knightriders have their “asses whipped” by every other team in the IPL, SRK would still be entertained by the fact that he owns the “best whipping boys” in the land.

And ultimately that’s all that matters.

92 thoughts on “Knight Rider Korbo Re

  1. oh Comeon GB.. This is not that bad team.. At least they can win the first rounds… the tough part will be the latter part in the tournament where they will have to show why king khan has spent so many on them.
    Thanks for the Gyan on “gymnasium” wasnt aware of it…

    Great post as usual… nicely composed.. i really envy you for this everytime i read you…

    first to comment for the first time.. 🙂


  2. hehe going by your words, I think the last place in the IPL is going to be a dead heat between King’s men and His Holiness Sri Sri Vijay Mallya Ji Maharaj’s 11 ‘tested’ pegs of Bengaluru Royal Challengers. Even his Chief Minister Raja Martin Crowe agrees to it. []

  3. I was surely waiting for this 🙂

  4. One more reason for SRK to go for Akhtar: that photo almost makes them look like mirror images.

    And seeing your header image, did you notice Superman Govinda’s mention on The Colbert Report?

  5. SRK, Malya and IPL are in the news almost daily. The media is going to have an orgy covering the IPL…and by the looks of it, SRK will lead the way!

  6. Man,

    The videos in the website are so funny (of the unintentional kind, of course)… SRK and SCG – heady mix of nonsense and shoot ur mouth stuff.

  7. Hi GB..
    my first post on your blog, btw.

    I beg to differ, this team is no way composed of wimps.
    They might as well lift the cup.. after all the past master of sledging is with them, and 20-20 will be an iconic event for sledging to reach new zeniths.


  8. Pessimists! A ballsy team needs no ballance. FYI Chopra had three centuries and a strike-rate of 101.84 in last Ranji one-day season. His slow test batting was a five-year plan to make IPL bowlers complacent and you fell for it.

    Chopra, Dada, Ponting, Hussey, McCullum, Ishant, Gul and four juniors. Can someone say dream team? Jitbo re.

  9. Chuck de Akthar – priceless 🙂

    Great post, GB

  10. Now cricket is one thing I do not understand at all. So I know nothing about the team or their abilities. But here is my comprehension of the situation. If SRK is involved there is good there, this my dear GB is called faith and bias beyond redemption. For me SRK=Good.

  11. In Shoaib Akhtar they have the ultimate Page 3 guy.. Agarkar provides the ultimate threat to the team…not the opponents but his own..

    Also check out

  12. A bit harsh. With Gayle, Ponting, Ganguly in batting and Ishant, Gul, Akhtar and Murali Kartik as bowlers, that’s a winning combination right there (and yes, there are only four foreigners there). I can’t see too many teams that can be said to be definitely better than this one. Hyderabad maybe, but can’t think of any other. Looks like your criticism has more to do with the owner than the team.

    If you think Kolkatta is weak, spare a thought for us Bangaloreans. Our great captain goes and picks Kallis for a 20-20 tournament! As Mallya said, as soon as the auction was over he got lots of text messages congratulating him for picking a great Test side. And as if having a crappy team is not enough, we have a team name that is mouthful and doesn’t make any sense either. Challengers? Have we given up on winning already and content to just challenge?

  13. Good one. It really beggars belief that Kolkata chose Both Akhtar and Agarkar, not to mention Karthik. The opposition batsmen muct be salivating over the prospect of facing them. The only hope they have si against Mumbai, where Agarkar’s saviour for so many years, Sachin might prevail upon his team mates not t hit him around the park too much.

    I think this is mainly Shah Rukh’s chosen team and not Sourav’s.

  14. Interesting Trivia:
    Q – Name the company that designed the KnightRiders website.
    A – “BC”Webwise

    Maan, I’m sure there’s gonna be a lot of “rubbing” & “slinging”, with the sledging part already having started.

    Lage raho 😉

  15. ok, i am an ardent srk fan.
    having said that bias is natural in human being and GB is no exception.
    although i have liked ur articles (most of them) for the classic humour and intelligent reasoning this one is too below the belt ( pun intended and not intended).
    anyways, good fun for srk-haters (which is a large number as well).
    Although I wonder what your reaction would have been if the tall guy who dances like an eunuch would have owned this same team.

  16. @Mohan: As a fellow Bangalorean I agree 😦

    Looks like we’ve assembled a Test Team…

  17. @Vijay/Mohan: I disagree! And I’m sure you will be surprised, Mallya has ofcourse picked a great test team, but then I feel they could deliver in this format as well! Also, with Virat Kohli being picked up, the team balances out.

    And Mohan, Kallis is no bad choice, if you are purely going by his career strike rate then you dont know him as a player. When he wants to, he is perhaps one of the cleanest hitters of the ball! And in 20-20, Im sure he will want to, rather he has to! Lets not go by ‘roles’ they play in thier respective teams!
    20-20 is a different ball-game altogether!

    @ GB : Great write GB! I dont comment often, but then I’m always floored by your writing. Follow it religiously. You remind me of that Monster Ad about being in the wrong profession! lol.

  18. Deeps: They may well deliver and I will certainly be hoping that they do when I go to the match. But man for man, Kolkatta team appears much better than Bangalore and many other teams.

    Ponting v Kallis? Ganguly v Dravid? Gayle v Chanderpaul? Ishant v Zaheer (considering form and fitness)? Kartik v Kumble (Kartik has actually helped India beat Aus in a T20 and played odi’s for India more recently than Kumble)? Gul v Bracken? Akhtar v Steyn? Some are close and some others Kolkatta is way ahead of Bangalore (first three for example).

  19. Hi,

    Arguably one of your finest pieces. My guess is that when each line, picture, quote & link fell in perfectly there must have been ecstasy. Even if you are too drunk in your talent to hit a high each time you compose a master-piece, this instance, I suspect may have been a different feeling.

    Am I wrong in my guess?

  20. LOL mate!

    Also if Salman gets hit on his ‘Butt’ by a Brett Lee beamer, RukRuk can actually go to him and say —

    SRK – Sallu, mere pyare bhai Sallu… Toh tu gir gaya… Brett Lee nay tujhko lamba kar diya… Machis ki teeli ko khamba kar diya… Arey tere liye kitni ‘gotiyaa’ maine dekhi thi… Woh bhi ekdum chikni… Jo tu chahata, wohi teri goti banati…


  21. What the hell are you trying to prove here GB!!
    Chris gayle, ricky, ganguly, maccullam, akash chopra are great pinch hitters other than being voluminous in ODIs and classy in TEST. Shohaib, ishaant, murli kartik, umar gul, ajit agarkar are lethal enough to reach up to the very top.

    I am neither a SRK fan, but i like his promotional tricks, he is doing what he should be, marketing the team, remember it is not only the no of seats filled in eden gardens that will count, the TRPs are also gonna be counted and so being an entertainer he’s doing what he does best.
    note: KKRs are the most talked about team today in india(because of branding) why don’t you hear mumbai indians or bangalore royal challengers as often.

    The videos are good enough as well, given a fact that everything can not be “Intellectual” everytime. what did you expect anyway.. for a change why don’t u suggest a few idea on advertisements now after ‘HAVING SAID’ anything and everything..

    See the point is those guys sitting there are far more intelligent in terms of cricket(SCG), entertainment(srk), business and marketing(RC, HDIL, REEBOK, TAG….) because they have their money on the line they are far more conscious of what to do and what not than probably all of us in this forum.. this is meant to be an entertainment package, so sit back relax and enjoy the game instead of sexing up issues like “ball eaters” and “gymnasium”.
    Very sorry article, sorry to say!

  22. @greatbong
    Expecting a post from you on recent debacle in Hockey and the “Only I m right all others (coach,players,media etc.) are wrong” attitude of Mr. Gill

  23. There now, you have revealed your darker side GB, all those references to nude men and men riding each other! I think the reason why Agarkar always finds a place in any Ganguly team is that Saurav has similar feelings for Agarkar as you have for SRK. BTW, don’t write off Kolkata’s batting strength when they have McCullum and co.

  24. heh heh, in my friend circle back in college, we had nicknamed him Shoaib ‘Chuck’-thar.

  25. Hee Hee….
    Awesome Post!

  26. well, it IS entertainment with a capital E.

    and our very own SRK knows that what better than beating his own drum with a greek helmetted chorus in the background.

    i can foresee that whether the team wins( inshallah) or loses (ni dai bog) SRK will be the first one to grab a mike.

    are there going to be cheerleaders?
    am offering myself. i am 44 and 80 kgs.
    that means 2x( 22 year old weighing 40 kg)

    all this translates into 2-for-the-price-of-one!

    er, SRK —-are YOU listening?

  27. Since you were being so naughty and infra-dig, why not put in an innuendo about SRK and his K-Jo connection? And frankly, who cares about composition of teams in cricket anymore ? SRK is right. It’s all about entertainment.

  28. for some reason you have got it against Shoaib Akhtar. Despite all the bluster, antics, fitness and discipline problems, you still have a very very good fast bowler who has had to carry Pakistan’s inadequacies on his back for a very long time, and he still has delivered more often than not. Its unfortunate, that he like Sachin has created extremely high standards, to which we hold him every time he runs in to bowl. He in my opinion is one of the very few, truely, naturally gifted fast bowlers of this generation (the other in my humble opinion, being the mostly overlooked Jason Gillespie). But he is probably so naturally talented, and things come so easy for him, that he really does’nt know what to do with himself. I think it is an issue with being too talented; casepoint being shane warne. And he is definitely worth atleast 3 times the price of an Ishant Sharma.

  29. I think gayle, ganguly, ricky, hussey, mccullum is a decent top order batting line up. probably they have too many for the opening slot. Gayle-Ganguly opening combo can only be matched by and Sachin-Sanath on indian pitches. Gayle is much more valuable than ‘maa ki’. I cant figure where akash fits in though.

  30. wow, I think you’ve broken the innuendo meter.

  31. umm

    shoib akhtar = not that bad a player (as far as my cricket knowledge goes) but a great news maker which translates into (entertainment) or shoud we call it publicity

    publicity =means= viewership = profit for the franchise and its owner

    hmm really not that bad a ‘business’ decision, now is it? don’t know why you needed a photo to spell it out. 🙂

    you do write well though. the message of the entire post could’ve been conveyed in a couple sentences but you still managed to write paragraphs without losing reader attention. that’s some talent!! 🙂 keep at it. look forward to read more of u.


  32. Great post.
    Also , as a Calcuttan , I really hope all the Kings’s men win the IPL.

  33. May be next year the team will have a different name and slogan.

    Name: King Riders or King’s Rides
    Slogan: Chadhabo Karbo!!

    For the first time in my life my sympathy lies with the waif-like, cutey-pie Unlucky “Chikna” Ajit Agarkar.

  34. pakistan has intellingently planted akhtar in the same side as ishant sharma…so that india could be deprived of its best bowler…
    @dipanjan…gr8 comment in chopra

  35. …I, as a cricket fan, hope against hope that the BCCI’s IPL is a monstrous failure, that Russel Crowe and Shahrukh Khan’s investments get wiped out… OK, Arnab you meant to say, “I hope they lose their shirts.”

  36. IPL has no parallel in the sporting world, since a new league isn’t formed everyday. In recent times the XFL and the US Football League offer some parallels. ICL is organized like XFL (consolidated ownership of teams by the League) minus the fakery. While the IPL is like the USFL discrete franchises plus the fakery of WCE (fka WWF) XFL’s parent. Somebody is going to lose and somebody is going to win. Actors who can’t put up with a flop now and then may not want to be associated with loser if it comes to that. The chances that SRK will continue with KKR if it ends up at the bottom of the table in the 1st year are dim. Two years of losses in a row and the public may be ready to throw in the towel and boot out this sorry mess of a tamasha. Here’s also hoping that BCCI ends up with egg on its face. Would be interesting to see if IPL and ICL meet in a championship game a-la the good old AFL vs. NFL meet which morphed into today’s Superbowl.

  37. team dekhey ja bujji…eder lorei jetey hobe…kortey kissui paarbe na.

  38. The IPL is nothing but money spinning show off by rich whimsical men (and woman). It’s mostly glitter and hardly any gold, except of course the hamlets of the Kolkata team. And only Khan could have come up with a name like Night Riders or even Knight Riders. He should have just called the team Night Knight Riders.

  39. Is there a video of those 3 dancing..

  40. In purely non-cricketing terms, your post is very entertaining, very much like the IPL is expected to be. I am delighted by the King Kong (oops, Khan) and “Chuck-de” Akhtar bashing. However, my cricketing nous (whatever little I possess) tells me that on paper the Kolkata team is one of the strongest in the league. Here is the justification for this claim.

    Compared to other versions of international cricket, Twenty-20 is much less dependent on batsmen than on the bowlers and fielders. The pitches are expected to be belters, the grounds small, and many games will be played in the late afternoon and evening hours. Mediocre batsmen can make merry under these circumstances, and proven masters can be dismissed in a jiffy. However, if a team possesses high quality bowlers who can deliver a couple of unplayable balls every over can restrict the run rate and put pressure on the batsmen. Coupled with agile fielders and tight field placements, a strong bowling side can dominate many games. In this respect, King Kong (oops, I did that again) has shown tremendous cricketing acumen in his choices. Agarkar and his gimme balls excluded, the bowling strength is enviable. The fielding is more than capable, and with world-class physios being recruited, I can see appreciable effort going in fitness. Batting strength is also good, provided the international recruits turn up for important games.

    I sincerely hope that the team performs upto its potential when the action begins.

  41. btw, in a post so heavy with references, I am surprised you missed out on a statement Shahrukh had made recently. Something like, “I can’t help them in cricket, but I can give the players a massage”.

  42. Shoaib – Good bowler when fit, great news value when injured, will keep the team in the news constantly which is what one would want.

    Agarkar – If one forgets the bombay duck sequence, the man can bowl… and as his ODI record says, bowl well in last overs. I seriously do not understand the stick he gets. Is it for not batting like Kapil Dev which he never pretended to do otherwise?

    Butt- Forget the surname which is a dream for punsters. The man can bat well and elegantly at that.

    Ponting – Sydney apart, this is the freaking “best batsman in the world right now” we are talking about. With Ishant in his team, it only gets better.

    Gayle, McCullem – Absolutely made for twenty twenty. Imagine them opening the batting. Absolute mayhem is guaranteed.

    The team has good balance with aggressive batsmen, good bowlers and a wicketkeeper who can bat like a dream.

    I know it is meant to be sarcastic, but SRK for all his flamboyance is a shrewd businessman. As he says, he has no corporate backers and will be in a soup if the IPL does not click. He will take all decisions with in mind. Besides it is his money. Let him do anything with it.

  43. the way these guys r publicizing their teams….i hope the competitions gets to MMS level where Sourav ganguly is practicing leg glances with Nagm a or bhajji is spanking some monkey.

  44. It’s a great team selection by SRK because SRK is best and top of the selection is BEST than others.SO good luck to SRK and his TEAM and one thing i telling you”Chuck De”.

  45. funny as ever… but a tad harsh maybe? the team does not look that unbalanced, and if srk can keep chuckthar in line with bollywood promises/threats to sabotage his filmi career (coz cricketing ones dont seem work) then maybe kolkata could have the strike bowling option they want.
    and @ sunny: bhai, uve demonstrated in a remarkable fashion how one can exhibit a total lack of logic and grammar in a miniscule post. way to go man, its comments like urs that make even the comments section of a gb post a laugh riot.

  46. what kind of ball are you talking about 😛

  47. @ Mohan; I agree to an extent, but then I wont be surprised as well if the knight riders are beaten by the Royal Challengers! But,I’m not convinced by the bowling attack comparison. Bracken and Steyn are excellent picks, underated but performers! Steyn is fast, and accurate for his pace, has been in great form. Bracken cold be the most underrated bowler in recent times, has a great strike rate/ bowling average (Not sure but well within 25, I guess) which nobody notices. To add he’s hard to get away, although he didnt do much in terms of wickets, the Indians struggled to get him away in the recent series.

  48. @Dhananjay:

    I agree to an extent on Agarkar, gets a lot of stick bot on and off the field! Has frustrated us all so much at various times! He’s been consistently expensive but to be fair, people do not talk about his strike rate in ODIs. He ranks in the all time top ten list alongside the likes of Waqar and Akram.

    Infact, I digged out the stats, of players who have played over 100 ODIs – he ranks 6th to be exact, behind Lee, Akthar, Donald, Saqlain Mushtaq and Ntini. Mcgrath, Akram and Muralitharan come after.Well, its not the ‘be all’, but in ODIs ability to take wickets is a big consideration, isnt it? His batting definitley has been a let down. Remember him breaking into the team on the strenght of sterling batting performances against the Pakistan A team from the opening slot.(?)

  49. i dont mind all the hype about the IPL. it gives u something to do in the summer, but what really shocked me was the comments from the various critics who compared it with the EPL. come on guys, we will never get that frenzied and maniacal crowd, nor will our guys be able to create that magic that EPL has, and this from the guy who waited for 4 hours in pouring rain just to catch a glimpse of ajith agarkar!!

  50. @Deeps – His batting is good at first class level but when it comes to international level, his weaknesses are exploited. Same is with Ramesh Powar.

  51. @Dhananjay

    I agree, the high back lift is exploited by world class seamers. But then, hes got amazing timing for a lower order player, a bit of the ‘Kumble grit’ would have definitely helped him to deliver more often! I feel hes one player whos not maximised his potential.

  52. @Deeps and Dhananjay:

    Are we talking about the same person? Ajit Agarkar? I mean listening to you guys, it would seem that if only he has a lower backlift he would have been a world class bat! 😀

  53. Hmm…
    You missed a few things.
    The inclusion of one more person Chris GAYle
    Ricky Ponting who is loved (literally) my Indians 🙂

    They should also have taken Sarvan for taste of several things he knows.

  54. I must say this is one of your most sorry articles ever. You have let your biases cloud your judgement.

    I mean, irrespective of them performing or not, in Gayle, Ganguly, Ponting and McCullum, you have four people capable of destroying any kind of bowling on thier day. Ok, according to you, other than Hyderabad…which teams have a better batting lineup.

    And, since a huge amount of money has been invested in this business venture, SRK, will have to do his best in attracting TRPs as well as spectators…and also remember 20-20 is more about entertainment than intellectual stimulation, which is why you wil see SRK using his clout and his friendships to be up there among the headlines.

    Expected better from you…but I guess catering to the expectations of your fanlist has taken a toll…

    BTW, am neither a bong nor an SRK fan


  55. @Shan.

    lol. A high backlift is one the weaknesses, coupled with temperament perhaps! Come on, he isnt that bad a bat after all, a test century abroad and five short of a century high score in ODI’s doesnt come that easy. He’s not just a lower order player who just manages to go past fifty a few times. He has the ability to go beyond and get close to that century. Its another thing that he doesnt! Im not debating that! My point was he gets a little too much stick! He hasnt lived up to be the Kapil dev he was hailed to be, but is a reasanably quick bowler with ability to take wickets, gives away one too many a run in the bargain and a useful lower order bat!

  56. In response to Agarkar’s abilities discussion,
    if you guys remember the belfast odi series between india and SA, agarkar bowled Kallis off a real beauty of a delivery.
    not really too optimistic abt what he manages to do for the king’s men but yeah he is capable of pulling off one or 2 tricks here and there.
    i wonder why there is no response from the author after the varied responses this piece has received.

  57. sourgrapeseller March 18, 2008 — 2:17 pm

    Hope IPL fails real big time

  58. agarkar is the best bet whn u need 25 i overs…bt he shud b bowling thn..his batting abilities have never been in doubt..
    and whr will dada hide himself in the field…whts the rule regarding being off the field and the down at which u can bat in 20-20???

  59. Am going away from the topic but ICL is rocking right now. The last three matches have been close affairs. My father who hated ICL when the first tournament was on is now raving about it.

  60. Its a blessings its not called kkknight riders

  61. Agree with Mhatre, last few matches in ICL have been really gripping.

  62. Hello GB. I have been introduced to your site in the recent past. Its a great de-stresser and I spend 10 mts daily on it during my office lunch break. Would love to read your version of the current US primary elections.

  63. @Deeps:

    Sigh…since we are on Agarkar, let me outline a few things:

    THAT century? Yeah we all saw that. In fact that century extended his playing career by 5 years or so. But by that standard, he is about as good a bat as Kumble is.

    “He hasnt lived up to be the Kapil dev he was hailed to be…”

    You can say that again!

    “…but is a reasanably quick bowler with ability to take wickets, gives away one too many a run in the bargain…”

    Gives away runs? Understatement of the year.

    Going by that description, there are hundreds of ’em, most with no access to thee kind of largesse that Agarkar has received in terms of getting chances. It is to the Mumbai lobby’s eternal joy and the selectors’ shame that mediocrity was given so long a rope.

    And that was the result? Even after 10 odd seasons in international cricket Agarkar has never been able to cement his place as our leading strike bowler! Others came and went. India went through paroxysms of anguish and pain trying to get a good set of strike bowlers, but never did Agarkar EVER lay claim to that throne. He has missed so many opportunities to prove himself that people like Balaji who have been jettisoned after one poor season should sue him! He always got selected based on the TINA factor (There is No Alternative).

    The proof is that is that the moment there are alternatives, like now, no one in their right minds would even consider selecting him in the team unless 6 others are injured at the same time!

    Now of course, given our fast bowling riches, thankfully he doesn’t stand a chance. But his friend Sachin is still in the team. Did I speak too soon? Ulp!


    “and whr will dada hide himself in the field…”

    The same place where other oldies Dravid and Kumble and Kallis and Jayasurya, and Laxman will. Don’t worry about Dada. He will be fine.

  64. you are getting increasingly boring with your diatribes…forcing humour, where none exists, doesn’t pay…your previous posts used to be of a much better quality

  65. bhai wahaan saare videos ek se bhayanak ek hain…mast re…

  66. thanks god its not called kkknight riders

  67. Brotish: i wonder why there is no response from the author after the varied responses this piece has received.

    The reason is simple. I think I have already made the point as to why SRK has not selected a balanced team. Repeating what I said–my reason for being disappointed is that save to an extent Chetshewar Pujara, there are no good Indian batsmen[ as far as I can see not even one player besides Pujara who appeared for the Challengers (which represents the pool of India’s best talent in the shorter version of the game)] with proven limited over credentials. With a 4-foreigner limit, foreigners cannot form the crux of the team—they can only be the frosting. Look at the way Delhi has gone about creating its team. Gambhir, Dhawan, Tiwary (in addition to Sehwag) form a potent batting backbone that is *always available*, forming a kernel of solid Twenty20 batting prowess around which the non-Indians can add value. And oh Akash Chopra has yet to demonstrate any kind of consistency in the shorter version of the game (I am not saying he will not) and perhaps calling him a “great pinch heater” as Andy_pundit has done is a bit pre-mature. No?

    SRK’s marketing savvy and dedication is not in doubt. However, considering the very strong teams he will have to do “Korbo Lorbo Jeetbo Re” , I think he could have done much better than sunk his investment in black holes like Akthar. And as for SRK caring for entertainment, the easiest way to get audiences entertained is to win.

    Thanks to all those who had kind words for the post.

  68. @shan – “It is to the Mumbai lobby’s eternal joy and the selectors’ shame that mediocrity was given so long a rope.”

    If there were a Mumbai lobby, Powar would still be playing, Muzumdar would have played and many other Mumbai boys would have got a chance. In fact in the late 90s when Mumbai was monopolizing Ranji Trophies, Tendulkar was the only player from Mumbai. So much for the Mumbai loby.

    As for mediocrity, 288 wickets in 191 matches may sound mediocre to some but sounds just fine for most especially at a time when India’s fast bowling was bare.

    And if you think his Test exploits are bare just glance at his record in Oz. In the middle of all that Bombay Duck hoopla, he still took the most wickets for India in 1999.

    “But his friend Sachin is still in the team. Did I speak too soon?”
    Ya keep on living in your dreamland. Even diehard Sachin haters cannot grudge his place in the side after the Oz tour. But then, reading this post, there do seem to be some exceptions…..
    Btw Balaji has been sidelined by injury.

  69. @SHan, Dhananjay

    Not on the strenght of batting exploits alone my friend!The uncanny ability to take wickets is something which you cant dispute, better renown bolwers like Muralitharan and Mcgrath take fewer wickets in as many balls, and this consistently over a period of time!

    This will hopefully clinch it. Zaheer Khan whos been bowling so well of late is a good comparison because hes a peer and been widely rated a spearhead when fit, and has almost played as much as Agarkar. Agarkar’s career economy rate is marginally higher. He is a notch above 5 runs per over. But takes wickets every 32 odd balls as compared to Zaheers 35 odd!

    Zaheer Strike Rate 35.8/ Runs per over 4.91
    Agarkar Strike Rate 32.9/ Runs per over 5.07

    Come on, for all the fracas, Agarkar is not a bowler who’s averaging 5.5- 6 runs per over category, the likes are many in today’s cricket. As far as Balaji goes, it was unfair treatment, he never came back after an injury. He was not sent out on performance. I guess Agarkar has been more lucky than most on that account!

  70. To add, Agarkar should have gone out a lot earlier, if luck wasnt to pay a part and perhaps regional politics. Im not disputing that. My point initially was and still is he gets a lot more stick than he deserves. People tend to portray him as a total non performer which isnt exactly true.

  71. @shan..first of all thanks for replying to my comment on my name….dada is a legend..among the ones u have named, only kumble can think of coming close…be being a pacer, he has a better throwing arm thn dada…so tell me…whr will u hide dada?

  72. @sha you have very wonder ful team

  73. sha i thing you got wonderfull team . love you .you got the massage please replay me thanku.your bigest fan of your .i am gagan


  75. I love ur writing style. It’s funny, informative and very creative. But come on! It’s not as bad as u put it! and then also, being a kolkatiyo myself I have a HUGE objection! korbo does not necessarily mean fornication… yea it does have that sinister connotation as u put it… but only in intimate friend circles where being dirty is the only way to be funny!

    but either way, even though I love SRK, and somehow support Sourav a lot too, and am against half the things u said, i loved this post!:-) have to admit u r a nice writer!

  76. God jumps in the arena now. No chance for pretenders anymore

    Mithun says yes to ICL

    what’s it going to be? Mithun’s gundas? or kolkata commandoes?


  78. that’s rqeally great.sourav ,ponting,mccullum,all in one team.they are really going to win

  79. Not a bad way to start. I thought Vijay Mallya was going to start crying at some point !

  80. U think shoib worthless?

    no one in this world can face shoib when he is in good shape! try think for a bit b4 u post crap about shoib!! U shud see his performance in all match not judging on some particular incident.
    And watevr u think he s certainly better than u! so peace out !!

  81. @Vibhash:

    Dada will do fine thank you. You need worry more about Dravid, Laxman, and Kumble.

  82. alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the besttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

  83. saurav and srk dont worry shoaib is back and there is no escaping for other teams.john youformed a great team against daredevils dont change it.

  84. why r u talking about knight riders failure ……… remember they played with a weeker batting side …….. Gayle missed the tournament while ponting failed to perform as per expectation………. if such batsmen fail to deliver their best how can a team win …………. see teams like Hyd and B’lore……….. they have so many good players still they have been defeated shamefully ……….. i hpoe in the next of IPL Knight riders will come out of this situation and will have a brilliant performance under Ganguly’s leadership

  85. i m ur team’s biggest fan……..
    allllllll ddddddddddd bestttttttttttt
    i knw dada vll make knight riders a ROCK !!!

  86. ‘the cricketing equivalent of radioactive waste–an entity that is not just useless in itself but has the potential to harm those around it’-this is one of the funniest lines i’ve ever read…the comparison is just awesome

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