The Howitzer

42 Comments

As the year comes to a close, it is time for awards. And I am pleased to announce that the Greatbong Award for Excellence in Journalism (The Howitzer), 2006 goes to IndiaDaily for the high quality of news coverage, innovations, ethics and flowing English prose that has come to be associated with it.

In an age where attention spans of the average reader matches that of a 1 year old, IndiaDaily has pioneered the art of the long headline—–so long and yet so concise that there is no reason to read the news article. You get the full story in the wink of an eye.

Examples: Antara Mali makes a confession – she likes to sexually excite people but cannot say so officially

My twin assets complements my body but shapes are curves are as important as the face : Celina Jetly

Yana Gupta and Nigar feels liberated from ex-husbands ready for topless performances again

Flamboyant Amisha calls Rani oldie – Amisha plans skirt-raising seduction

Unlike correspondents of other newspapers who collect news off the wire from the comforts of their climate-controlled swank offices, the reporters at IndiaDaily are always in harm’s way, right where the action is. For instance, the fact that Kim Sharma and Shamita Shetty fought at a nightspot and tore off each other’s top would have gone unnoticed had it not been for the ever vigilant folks at IndiaDaily who rushed to the spot, oblivious of the risk of being caught in the crossfire and filed a story like none before.
When Kim Sharma had a fight in open public in a night club with Shamita Shetty both went topless

According to those who were present it was real fight in the night club. They tore off each others top. They were taken out seperately later under cover through the back doors.

It is no exaggeration to say that the correspondents of IndiaDaily have been where no man dare set foot. Else how would you explain their shocking disclosure that India’s dreamgirl Mallika uses same undergarments for a week !

There is a rumor that the Bollywood bombshell could smell better after all! Mallika uses same undergarments for a week? That is what the Internet rumor zone says. They also say Ash had a renewed fight with Mallika and cited Mallika smells bad.

The rumort zone in the Internet has become weird in recent days. Analysis of undergarments of Maillka, Ash and Preity have become more prominent that anything else.

IndiaDaily’s unique olfactory style of reporting made news of its own during the sensational Rakhi Sawant-Mika scandal when Mika forcible smooched Rakhi Sawant bringing the country to a halt. Sample these headlines as IndiaDaily let loose one stinking fact after the other, like a machine-gun sequence of farts that left readers gasping for breath.

Mika goes home Rakhi still remembers the bad taste and breath

How did Rakhi Sawant’s lips and mouth taste – Mika refuses to reply!

Ashamed of his bad breath, Mika goes hiding after molesting and forcibly kissing Rakhi Sawant

Truth be told. The reporters are everywhere–in every crevice and crack imaginable. Ensconced inside Dia Mirza’s lingerie (Take a peep at Dia Mirza’s lingerie), Priyanka Chopra’s bedroom (Priyanka Chopra in bed with Pepsi – what else?), Bipasa Basu’s insides (Come see inside me : Bips), Yana Gupta’s hidden areas (I write my lovers name in my private parts of my body : Yana Gupta) and deep inside the perverted, twisted mind of Isha Koppikar.(Issha Koppikar needs a hubby who can also love her mother)

Whether it be medicine (All nurses should dance like me in short skirt : Rakhi Sawant), crime (Bollywood movies in real! Shakeel Khan with girlfriends goes macho in police station – gets slapped by police and locked up in jail), sports (Preity Zinta to play Sania Mirza with short revealing lifting skirt?), international relations (Neha’s body most desirable among Pakistanis), geography (Mallika seduced Rahul Bose in minutes with a dress and angular latitude) and even seismology (Sushma along with sister Meghna Reddy defy volcano engage in Italian exposure) IndiaDaily brought us a fresh perspective that its competitiors could not match, despite their best efforts.

If there is one hot button topic every newspaper in India has been afraid to touch, it has been the growing lesbianism in the Indian movie industry. Not IndiaDaily which exposed this scandal through scientific surveys and razor-sharp analysis.

The secret lesbian domino effrects in Bollywood

According to lesbian watchers, the bollywood hotties all eventually start loving sex with women. They will on the surface because it is not something they like to associate with. But the fact is they are bisexual if not outright lesbian and they love lesbian sex.

In a recent Internet survey, 300 lesbians responded that 94% of the Bollywood bombshells show signs of falling in love and the desire to have sex with other women.

An international survey finds that females are more likely to ”climax” during lesbian sex than straight sex. And that bis true for Bollywood girls too.

Other examples of investigative lesbianism sorry journalism: Lisa Ray does not need training to act as lesbian, The lesbo crush is on – Pooja Bedi and Mallika Sherawat in sexy love with each other, Sush and Deepal show their sexual instinct and open mouth kissing in forthcoming English venture Karma, Sneha Ullal attraction to Ash – admiration or love?

And last but not the least, the lovely turns of phrase (Hrishita Bhatt learning to lift her skirt with a little flirt in Bollywood), the tongue-in-cheek allusions (SRK Says sexy Kareena fails to seduce him from the back), and of course the feminism (Priyanka Chopra likes to flirt with Bollywood males not become slave of love with any of these smelly creatures)

Stupendous. Indiatimes and HTTabloid, eat your heart out.

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42 thoughts on “The Howitzer

  1. Wow Greatbong!!

    I have been reading your site for about 6 months now. This is my first response. Do you really search for all this info??? Salutations

  2. You are are riot!

    From now on , I will read up India daily daily.

    How about some Rakhi Sawant t-shirts for women, why should boys have all the fun! Can you take down a pre-design order booking plz.

  3. for the first time in my life…i am the second one to post on ur blog!

    man!…where do u get all this??

    and of course MAN! how do such papers exist…not that i am complaining 🙂

    achal

  4. On behalf of IndiaDaily, let me tell you, my self-aggrandizing friend, that this is totally unacceptable. You think we don’t realise that this is a fake award? Of course, our Editor had updated his resume immediately on hearing of your magnanimity; we had also put a headline that went like, “IndiaDaily wins award for journalism but prize-giving date not fixed yet nor prize money as awarder goes absconding hiding his twin liabilities which have been loaned to an alaskan eskimo with only assets”. But the doormat in front of our editor’s office warned us that this might be fake like those of Pamela Anderson, so we withdrew the headline.

    We take pride in our brand of journalism; after all, in this age of jaundiced vision and editorial prejudice, how many can call a spade a spade? Or a fake boob a fake boob?

    We believe in transparency, be it in our headlines or in our skulls.

    We shall not take this insult lying down. Long live IndiaDaily!!

  5. ROTFL!

    I am immediately adding IndiaDaily for my daily dosage of gossip masala – I didnt even know about such respected newspapers – and here we are complaining about Indiatimes and such. Tch Tch – Indiadaily is awesome!

    I think this post of yours will result in satisfying many a google queries like “sexy kim topless” or “ash lisa ray lesbian” hehehe 🙂

    Suyog

  6. That paper should be nominated for the Pulitzer. Such succinct headers, such investigative reporting.. TOI move over. I’m taking out a print edition.

    The question arises, how did you “discover” them ?

  7. Look at the correspondent’s name “Lara Larani”. Sounds fake!
    Greatbong, is this the Onion of Bollywood and you missed the point?
    gg

  8. WOW! TOI beaten to the post! Awesome, Arnab! How on earth did you find these sites? At least, who nominated IndiaDaily for the prize. And who was the runner up?

  9. I seriously wonder how you manage to track this sort of news. Do you have some filters on your RSS content…..?
    Anyway, from today on I won’t criticize TOI very badly. There is someone worse.

  10. damn u GB… have wasted precious hours (and maybe more days to come) reading indiadaily… just cant get off it. its addictive. 🙂

  11. ROLTFL ..

    I have forwarded the link og India Daily to my friends … with the tempting same “undergarment” story to entice them … hehe..

    am sure some of them will get hooked …. 😉

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  13. “In Farhan Akhtar’s Don-The Chase Begins, Kareena Kapoor seduces Shah Rukh Khan by poking his back with her fingers trickily, making him assume that it’s a pistol but then starts seducing him.”

    ROFL!!!

  14. remeber their 2 famous correspondents who come up withe stories

    1 PAM BHANDARI

    2 LARA LARANI

    hehehehehehe they really want us to belive these correspondents exist and that these are not the stories of some desperate virgin guy hoping to get laid atleast in dreams.

    🙂

  15. In my college days, there used to be a newspaper called ‘Coalfield Times’ which used to specialise in the same genre of news as IndiaDaily.
    Some samples…
    (1) Jyoti babu ki Debosri Ray ke biye korchen?
    (2) Darjeeling e pawa gelo prakton prodhanmontrir jaroj sontaan
    (3) Kapil Deb naata (left hander), nirbachokder chape daan haate khelen!
    (4) Bombaiy er top heroine mafia chokrer haate bondi….

    A friend and I used to walk up to Jadavpur thana and buy this weekly paper from the bookstall there.
    Sadly, such pathbreaking journalism always gets mired in lack of patronage, libel suits and general inertia.

    The Howitzer is a great step in encouraging such wonderful examples of journalism.

  16. @Anirban: I do not search for them. They search for me.

    @Dipanwita: Rakhi Sawant T-shirts yes ! Main tarka hoon, main hot hoon, nesha hain mere body main…

    @Achal: I wonder that myself. Who is behind these random acts of genius?

    @Rony: 🙂

    @Suyog: Yes my google “juice” has just become more…mm..

    @SEV: Pulitzer is so Web 1.0 ! Howitzer is what’s for today.

    @Bengali Guy: Of course there are immense plans required. Will the cameras be present, will they make the evening news…

    @Sameer: TOI is powerless against India daily.

    @GG: Onion of India…not. IndiaDaily also carries politics which are basically articles off the wire…so it does take itself seriously.

    @Sayon: Let us say “interested parties” nominated IndiaDaily. Runners up?……Well TOI and HTTabloid did come close..

    @Uday::-)

    @Ramki: What can I say ! I love a good laugh which is why I frequent the entertainment section of IndiaDaily.

    @Ali::-)

    @Sunita: Hot hot..

    @Vivek: Addictive. True.

    @Bakar Junta: Hope IndiaDaily pays me well for all this publicity.

    @Ramesh: I am sure they do.

    @Vipul: 🙂

    @Guru: Those names are just genius…I can visualize two skimpily clad hot ladies with pistols in their hands going undercover for these assignments..

    @Turrtle: What imagination ! The truth my friend is stranger than fiction.

    @Diptakirti: Lovely headline about Jyoti Babu…oh I wish I could have read the news that followed it.

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  26. Hi there, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam responses? If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any support is very much appreciated.

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