Pariyon Ko Chod

31 Comments

[Pariyon Ko Chod is the name of a Sonu Nigam album–for some reason I find the spelling very inappropriate.]

In misery after having a wisdom tooth extracted, there is nothing better that I can focus on (read that as take perverse pleasure in) than the misery of others .

Like Sonu Nigam’s misery. Last in the news for having been the subject of same-sex proposals from a Bollywood reviewer (not me), which resulted in what Sonu called “Sonu-spanking”, he was, a few months ago, forcibly kissed [image courtesy desihits] and also scratched by a female admirer in a manner reminiscent of the way Ricky Ponting was smooched by a man during a bat auction, an action that some believe led him to lose his cricketing Mo-Jo.

Of course, Zoom (isko dekho) suggests that the whole kissing incident may have been stage-managed —-as if Sonu Nigam needed to desperately show, for some reason, how much women love him. Needless to say, this accusation is totally false as can be evidenced by footage of Sonu Nigam that shows him distraught and terrified. And as all of us who have seen “Kaash..Aap Humare Hote” and “Jaani Dushman” know, Soni Kudi Nigam cannot act for his life.

As to Sonu Nigam, he coolly collects himself and modestly brushes away the incident thus:

Koi bhi artist jo accha kaam karta ho stage per woh stage par hota hain to ekdam spiritual huya hota hain us samay. And suddenly koi aake jaise woh Vishwamitra ki neendra ..meditation..ko kharap kar de koi waise koi baat ho jaati hain.

But Sonu is grateful that this Menaka was at least, biologically, a woman. Having just recently escaped from the attention of an obsessive man, he counts his blessings always.

Ladki thi to itna buda naheen lagta.

Not so lucky is this poor man. As if being in jail was not cause for misery, his travails were compounded after he was miserably cheated by Shah Rukh Khan’s endorsement of a talcum powder. First he was seduced by the advertisement which as reported by this blog goes thus:

The actor  (Shahrukh Khan) is then seen to be caressing himself in the bathroom with talcum powder telling us how he feels cool and efficient with its use.

Convinced about the efficacy of the powder, the poor man applied it on himself, did feel thanda thanda cool cool at first but then his body started itching and he felt a “burning sensation”.

I can see this poor man’s genuine grievance in front of the court being devastated by SRK’s attorneys when they shall possibly prove, using possibly doctored evidence, that the burning sensation he felt when he applied the powder might be due to “factors” other than the talcum powder.

Where is Ram Jethmalani and Nandita Haskar when you need them?

Finally completing this troika of misery is our poor old Aamir Sohail, famous for brandishing his willow at Venkatesh Prasad and for pronouncing bowlers as “bawlers”. He is unable to understand why despite the fact that Pakistan has fearlessly lead the war against terror, in the same efficient manner that Shoaib Malik has lead the Pakistan national team, none of the Western “allies” want to tour it.

What is happening in the country is basically the result of Pakistan leading this war against terror,” Sohail said. “We are paying for fighting it. Countries such as Australia and England are our allies in this war on terror, yet they are not supporting us here. Are we real allies or are we just being used?”

Yes indeed Aamir. Indeed so.

As the great Billu Badshah Clinton would say “I feel your pain”.

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31 thoughts on “Pariyon Ko Chod

  1. The spelling is indeed disturbing. I use ‘chhod’ instead of ‘chod’ to differentiate.

    Also, nice time to bring up war on terror. Obama is all for it in Pakistan.

  2. “despite the fact that Pakistan has fearlessly lead the war against terror, in the same efficient manner that Shoaib Malik has lead the Pakistan national team,…”

    Simply Awesome

  3. “Needless to say, this accusation is totally false as can be evidenced by footage of Sonu Nigam that shows him distraught and terrified. And as all of us who have seen “Kaash..Aap Humare Hote” and “Jaani Dushman” know, Soni Kudi Nigam cannot act for his life.”

    god….r u mean or what???? sokal ey ki diye brush koro….sulphuric acid?;-p

  4. Nigam Ji has been trying to shed his chikna next door image or a looooong time. Remember the “Tu” song with a pre-skank Bips in a red dress? There you had the rocker in a faux stud look, the red shirt and chor bazaar leather jacket, flicking off the cigarette and I bet those were herbal ones…. topping it all off with zome quikk womancing in the rain (Madeline Kahn forgive me!).
    But the clincher was him dancing on top of a table (or a jeep) in that “Mausam, Yeh Mausam” song with a fresh Gul Panag just barely containing her cachinations. Ahhhhh…. those 90s!

    PS: Anyone got that video of that Sonu Nigam song called “Jane Jaana Mein Deewana” featuring Jas Arora and a bevy of nano-skirted laydees? There’s a general paucity of all those 90s Indipop videos on YouTube ya know… only parson did I unearth Mandar Agashe’s “Nazar Nazar”.

  5. Sacrilege!……………How could “pariyon ko chod” not remind you of mithun das song, picturised on the same lines…. with tender kabutar pariyan going………….Gutar-gutar….gutar-gutar….Panchi deewana, chug gaya daana….Chad gaya oopar re, atariya pe lotan kabootar re re re re…………………………….

  6. Isn’t “chhod” spelled with two Hs? Whenever I see the word misspelled, it brings on some R-rated jokes with it (like in this case).

    Didn’t know the cap on H1s was part of the shortage of Hs in other fields too 😉

  7. A genuinely funny piece this one. Good one Arnabda. Seems like you wrote it late in the night when all our darker qualities (sarcasm in your case) comes out at their strongest.

  8. looks like the security guards are getting extra perks…jostling with the girl…subhas k. jha episode was indeed a let down for sonu nigam,who once claimed that he was propositioned by girls and their mother alike.now he can their fathers as well to the list.A complete family package nigamji is.

  9. Yeah Pranay is right.

    Does it really take 4 young men to drag away a tiny girl like that. My mum could do that all by herself !

  10. LOL….chhod do aanchal zamaanaa kya kahega…i agree with the general paucity of 90,s pop videos….there was one by a girl called jeanine..’yeh wadian’…then sanjay maroo…so cool

  11. Arrey that Sanjay Maroo guy was good on the drums yaar. Also Abey(Abbey?) with ‘Aye Sanam’ & Stylebhai with ‘you say yo, I say namaste ….’ ….. koi wo videos daalo yaar youtube par.

  12. OMG that’s insane!! Sabotage, perchance? A toota hua dil at the music company who extracts sweet revenge by creating said title? The mind boggles. Also, why do people insist on writing ‘r’ for ‘d’??? I always find it hilarious when people type that.

  13. Bollywood is known for messing up the Roman spellings of Hindi titles, mostly for numerological reasons, sometimes for fashion, and at other times for not knowing better. But, I can’t imagine they would release a music album with a title like “pariyon ko chod”. That would be really dumb. I tried to search for an image of the CD cover, but couldn’t find one. Are you sure, it was not smashits that messed it up? Well, as long as you got your “sensational headline”. This is what irks us devanagari wallas. For example, your blog regularly spells ?? (hai) as “hain” (???). Where do you hear the nasal “n” in the singular “hai”?

    Koi bhi artist jo accha kaam karta ho stage per woh stage par hota hain

  14. In the above comment, my devanagari characters showed as question marks. Let me try again:

    “For example, your blog regularly spells है (hai) as “hain” (हैं). Where do you hear the nasal “n” in the singular “hai”?”

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