The whole Tiger Woods incident with the car crash, lacerations caused allegedly by his wife beating up with a golf club , the consequent confession and then reports of multiple “girl-friends” has shaken the world and seriously dented Tiger’s image as one of the most corporate-friendly sportsmen. While companies for whom he advertises have kept a studied silence, we got some exclusive pictures of certain other not-so-famous products that he has now started endorsing.
I’ve lived a life that’s full, I’ve traveled each and evr’y highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way.
If there is anyone about whom about the lines above can be said, that person would be the Bhabhi.
[No this is not a post on Hayden's retirement]
It all started when I came to know that Noddy telling Big Ears “Let’s have a gay time in the woods” did not mean that they were going for flowers a-plucking but possibly to do something that simply rhymes with plucking.
Barely had I recovered from that shock then I was told of the subtext in the dynamics of the relationship between my two favorite superheros—dynamic duo Batman and Robin. Suffice to say, there were many activities happening in the darkness of the batcave that Alfred “Penny(s)”worth kept hidden from the world.
Finally it was revealed by wise men that Prince Adam’s transformation from a pink-wearing softie to a muscle-bound confident “He-Man” was a metaphor for “coming out of the closet” and that the secret of Prince Adam, the one that the Sorceress and Man-At-Arms knew, was not the one we were led to assume.
[Pariyon Ko Chod is the name of a Sonu Nigam album--for some reason I find the spelling very inappropriate.]
In misery after having a wisdom tooth extracted, there is nothing better that I can focus on (read that as take perverse pleasure in) than the misery of others .
Like Sonu Nigam’s misery. Last in the news for having been the subject of same-sex proposals from a Bollywood reviewer (not me), which resulted in what Sonu called “Sonu-spanking”, he was, a few months ago, forcibly kissed [image courtesy desihits] and also scratched by a female admirer in a manner reminiscent of the way Ricky Ponting was smooched by a man during a bat auction, an action that some believe led him to lose his cricketing Mo-Jo.
Of course, Zoom (isko dekho) suggests that the whole kissing incident may have been stage-managed —-as if Sonu Nigam needed to desperately show, for some reason, how much women love him. Needless to say, this accusation is totally false as can be evidenced by footage of Sonu Nigam that shows him distraught and terrified. And as all of us who have seen “Kaash..Aap Humare Hote” and “Jaani Dushman” know, Soni Kudi Nigam cannot act for his life.
And that means new clothes, fireworks, gratuitous male nudity and of course controversy.
This year has been no different as families and friendships have split down the fault line of “Saawariya vs Om Shanti Om” as two of the biggest releases of the year hit the screens on the same day all across the country, competing for eyeballs in particular and balls in general. And if the battle between the two titanically iconic directors Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Farah Khan is not enough to satisfy the palate of the newshounds, this year the stakes are even higher because of THE controversy, the one that pundits are now referring to as “Towelgate”.
The annual Durex survey on sexual habits of people all over the world came out a few weeks ago. And once again it is “Chak De India” or should we say “F**ck de India”.
Urban Indians have one of the most exciting sex life in the world and are also the most open lovers in the world when it comes to talking to partners about sex, says a new global survey.
Almost three-quarters (74 per cent) of Indians surveyed are comfortable with telling their partners what they like in bed way above the global average of 58 per cent and the UK with just 49 per cent, says the Durex ‘Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey’.
Some people may find that surprising for a culture as supposedly sexually repressed as ours but not me. Indian couples are not at all shy in expressing what they want (and do not) in bed—after all if the “Noo Never…..mujhe kya tum waisi tarah ki ladki samajhti ho [Do you think I am that kind of a girl] and “Please not today, I have a headache” and “No no that’s not the place” aren’t expressions of honest , forthright and emphatic pillow talk then I wonder what is.
Austin Powers (Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, 1997):
“Yeah, and I can’t believe Liberace (picture to left) was gay. I mean, women loved him! I didn’t see that one coming.“
The uneasy peace between Bollywood and the press was shattered as Sonu Nigam, in a shocking open letter accused a prominent Bollywood gossip columnist/movie reviewer, S. Jha of having propositioned him for some homosexual play-back.
Two new stars were born in the Mallu porn industry today as pictures of BJP MLA (MLA as in Married Lecherous Aadmi) Renukacharya , a sinister genetic cross between Renuka Chowdhury and Govindacharya, paying lip service to a buxom constituent was released to the public, sending a clear message to Shakeela and her army of moustachioed, undie-clad male consorts that there is a new show in town.
A few PILs may be filed for obscenity and demands for issuance of non-bailable warrants made by our moral guardians.
For once, I am with them.
It was three years ago, when the DPS Dhamaka tapes finally opened our eyes to the licentiousness among today’s kids, that I wrote:
When I sing â€œNanhe Munhe Bacche Teri Mutthi Main Kya Hain?â€ (Innocent Kiddie, whatâ€™s in your hand?â€) and our innocent kiddies wink back and show us contraceptives (thanks to what they have learnt in school)â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦.well that my friends would be the end of civilization as I know it.
Well now it is time to take back our heritage from these titillated tykes. In a development that gladdens my heart, the governments of Maharashtra and Karnataka and Madhya Pradesh have disallowed sex education in their schools thus taking a stance against the tide of decadence that seeks to sweep the nation.
Sex education in schools ! What is the world coming to? Soon children will definitively know that little brother was not picked up from a temple, that auto-manipulation will not make them go blind and that they should not get close to that uncle who insists on exploring them as they sit on his knee.
Needless to say, such knowledge cannot be allowed.